home about favouritesarchives

Archive for the 'The tale of Lazy Jack Silver' Category

Curtain Call

2 April, 2006 at 9:43 pm by belgianwaffle

I am not here anymore. I am now here where the delightful Emily has designed a website for me. Is it not beautiful? As Mr. Waffle points out, the experience of outsourcing my technical needs to a low wage country has worked well for me. Should you be thinking of taking steps outside 20six, I encourage you to consult her, she is talented, she is speedy and she is cheap, in a good way, actually, I think I mean inexpensive. And she is prepared to do maintenance for the technically inept, what more could a girl ask for? Other credits go to Technobubble who did lots of code I didn’t understand and let all 20sixers use it. For nothing. Is he not saintly? No more than our Bobble deserves though. And to kind and good Heather who sent me a long email explaining how to set up my own website which convinced me that a) she’s a lot more technically ept than me and b) I needed professional help.

All the same, I am sad to be leaving 20six where I took my first tottering steps in the world of blogging. More especially as I fear it’s going to mean losing many of my readers (please update your bloglines subscriptions now, no, I’m not begging, just saying) each and every one of whom is vital to the continuing survival, nay, flourishing of my ego. But with so many of the old guard gone, it’s just not the same here any more and it’s probably time for me to move to another place – one where I won’t be threatened with upgrades. Yes, I know the 20six upgrade never happened, but the prospect of it shook me. And then I’m back to work in the morning, so it’s all change and it seems like a good time to move.

I note that all of the dramatis personae of LJS (look up it’s that neglected category up there at the top) have now left 20six except for pog (sorry about abandoning you pog but think of the glory of it “the boy stood on the burning deck, when all but he had fled” and all that). I am therefore, delighted to announce that, somewhat fortuitously, to coincide with my departure and almost exactly a year after the last entry, the ever fabulous Heather has crafted a conclusion that will sweep you along with its drama and grandeur and also, rather miraculously, tie up all the loose ends. It will be here shortly.

Thank you and goodnight.

Part the Sixteenth

2 April, 2005 at 2:36 pm by belgianwaffle

Our hero stood up gingerly.  No bones broken then, he knocked his head painfully against the low roof of the dimly lit hut where he was lying and stepped out the door into what appeared to be an Amazonian rain forest.  Friar Tuck looked up and smiled “you’re awake”. “Where am I?” said LJS curtly. “No need to be tetchy” said Friar Tuck, nettled. He smiled beatifically while surreptitiously scratching a scabrous limb “you’re in the Amazonian rain forest, Heather thought it would be best for you, you’ve been having a nice nap for, oh, about 3 months”. Friar Tuck laughed sinisterly, it was a new speciality and something he had been practising in the long wet afternoons. LJS gasped “But Pog and Bobble….” “They’ve been taken care of” said Friar Tuck and he gave his sinister laugh another outing. “Why have you taken me here, what is Heather’s dastardly plan?” “Now, now”  said Friar Tuck soothingly “is that any way to talk about one who is our  benefactress; sit down and let me explain”.


on 02 April 2005 at 15:39

Now “been taken care of” sounds distinctly iffy.

Friar Tuck

on 03 April 2005 at 04:10

“tetchy” is not in my dictionary, let alone my vocabulary. But I pick nits. At least I haven’t been taken care of.

on 05 April 2005 at 08:37

HJB, in a good way? Bobble, yes, I would worry if I were you, but at least you don’t pick nits.


on 05 April 2005 at 09:32

yes, in a very good way. I was out walking and decided to go home and write a piece and then you did it….the power of thought!


on 06 April 2005 at 18:52

Will you do one now though? Yours in hope.


on 11 April 2005 at 10:46

Where am I? What have you done to me? Why do I own a flowery top and a Ghost dress?
I think I’ve been brainwashed.


on 18 April 2005 at 10:35

Is Bobble okay? Am I? It’s dark in here …..


on 18 April 2005 at 19:55

Well, you might be and then again, things could be taking a sinister turn…


on 19 April 2005 at 10:17



on 19 April 2005 at 16:17

Double eeeep!


on 20 April 2005 at 12:24

Oh, it could well be treble eeeep.


on 20 April 2005 at 12:46


Part the fifteenth

22 December, 2004 at 10:42 am by belgianwaffle

Heather sat at her mahogany desk leafing through various invitations and begging
letters.  “I don’’t care how beautiful the view of Central Park is from their apartment, I’’m not going to listen to the Pitts and their Hollywood stories for a tepid gin ” she thought.  Perhaps she could ask Bobble to pop in and deliver a Christmas card whilst she was over there. Although, she couldn’’t help wondering if this New York trip of
Bobble’s wasn’’t some sort of ploy to be working against their plan.  Lazy Jack Silver had been so quiet recently and Heather wondered if this recent Italian trip that Bobble had made may have resulted in a meeting with some of the “family” over there. Perhaps they had provided a more intense drug to keep LJS in this deep sleep.
After all, she’’d never seen anyone react to Nurofen quite like this before. If she hadn’’t actually seen him slumped in the cellar then she’’d think he’’d just disappeared.

If only she could talk things over with Norah but the only word from her at the moment was “passport” as she moved things around in her panic. Where was Waffle when she  needed her? Just slipping off and leaving a note about needing to spend time with her family wasn’’t very helpful.

The truth of the matter was that Heather couldn’t cope with the thought of spending
Christmas alone in the Schloss with Friar Tuck.  There was something deeply unsettling about the way he sidled into the room and, although perfectly pleasant on the surface, Heather knew what he was capable of. Maybe she would have to return to England and then the Friar would leave the Schloss. He wouldn’’t be stupid enough to follow her
to England, would he?

Oh, sod Christmas, she thought. If it weren’’t for the thought of a new diamond to add to the collection then she’’d just forget about it completely.  There was no way that she would fall into the sentimental claptrap of childhood memories of Christmas.

However, if she did return to England who would look after LJS?  Maureen was nowhere to be seen. Bobble would be in New York. If Norah ever found her passport, then she’’d be off.  This wasn’’t working out as she had planned.  However, after a rest over Christmas perhaps she would be able to find some new way of tackling the problem. All she needed was someone to look after LJS while she took a few days off.  Was this
too much to ask?


on 31 December 2004 at 15:53

He’s always been a lightweight with drugs, that LJS. The big wuss.

Friar Tuck

on 04 January 2005 at 18:15

Sidled?! That seems so snake-like. Oh… {unpleasant reality dawns}


on 05 January 2005 at 12:07

Now, now, Friar Tuck – that would be ‘slid’ or ‘slithered’.
Whereas ‘sidling’ is more …. well … Gollum-like, I think you’ll find.
Does that help, at all?


on 05 January 2005 at 13:57

Heather the genius. I hope that if I give you a sweetie it gets to you.


on 10 January 2005 at 00:32

The Pitts did send their regards – from separate apartments.


on 10 January 2005 at 21:19

Topical, Bobble.
on 17 March 2005 at 10:38

What’s happened to Lazy Jack? Is he okay?


on 22 March 2005 at 08:55

He’s actually quite unwell, I’ve been worried about him….


on 22 March 2005 at 10:03

Just don’t ask Bobble to nurse him – you know what she’s like for fainting all over the blog …..


on 22 March 2005 at 10:58

I heard he was unmasked for the cad he really is and fled to South America, with only a copy of In Patagonia and a few stolen snatches of love poetry to his name.


on 22 March 2005 at 11:21

You mean … you mean … he’s left us all?
Oh no.


on 22 March 2005 at 12:13

Don’t be like that Pog… it’s better this way. After all, he’ll always have the Schloss and he has left us a legacy polished prose [that] subtly distanced him… a blend of intellectual passion and emotional coldness, the postmodern glitter of surface and patchwork, shorn of all authorial judgement.
Can’t be bad for a figment of ‘wafs deeply seated inadequacies, unresolved love interests and materialistic longings.


on 22 March 2005 at 12:19

But … but …
Oh, okay then.
(Oh – and don’t forget H’s contribution to his saga. I’d hide if I were you, jd.)


on 22 March 2005 at 12:38

It’s ok. I’m in South America.


on 22 March 2005 at 13:56

You just don’t love us any more, do you?
I’m gutted.
Gutted, I tells ya.


on 22 March 2005 at 14:02

Sorry, you’ll have to speak up… it’s a bad line. Did you say something about lewd?


on 22 March 2005 at 14:04

Yeah. Well. That too.


on 22 March 2005 at 14:04

Patagonia and lightly fictionised people. Land of the living wind. Valparaiso next. And all that…..
on 22 March 2005 at 14:09

Jealous? Me?


on 22 March 2005 at 18:05



on 23 March 2005 at 10:20

Dashes water over Bobble’s inanimate form. Will have to give some thought to what exactly LJS is doing in South America but just you wait, my chickadees…

Part the fourteenth

13 December, 2004 at 8:47 pm by belgianwaffle

Norah looked up to see Waffle and Heather approaching. “We must get on” she said “he’s coming round”.   All five of them tripped down the stairs to the dungeon.  Heather gave Friar Tuck a cold look but made no comment.

“I hope he’s secure” said Heather to Norah, “you should never have left him – you know his nickname used to be Houdini Jack”.

Norah curled her lip and said “I don’t think you need to worry”. She took out the large key from her pocket and slipped it in the steel lock in the thick wooden door. Inside “Chitty Chitty Bang Bang” could be heard on the TV. Norah entered the room and gasped.  Heather quickly pushed past her.  Two pairs of handcuffs were dangling from the radiators but there was no sign of LJS.  Bobble let out a tiny sigh and fainted.


on 13 December 2004 at 23:53

Oh crap. Sorry chaps – I appear to have buggered up.
PS when I curled my lip, was it like Elvis? It was like Elvis, wasn’t it? Was it? It was. I knew it. Uh huh huh.


on 13 December 2004 at 23:55

By way of apology for underestimating Houdini J. 1
Sweetie(s) given

Friar Tuck

on 14 December 2004 at 16:45

* Secretly rejoicing that he’s the only man left in the castle *


on 14 December 2004 at 23:05

Bobble, you’re right, as discussed. Norah, of course. And another sweetie, cool. Thanks. FT, well, that’s what you think.

Friar Tuck

on 15 December 2004 at 00:30

Oh, so I see how it works around here! You have to fall prostrate on the floor while howling to get your way.


on 15 December 2004 at 21:48

FT, well spotted.


on 16 December 2004 at 12:45

Norah’s dead good at the lip curling …
Unlike me.


on 16 December 2004 at 22:52

Well pog, you have your eyebrows.

Part the Thirteenth

3 December, 2004 at 10:21 pm by belgianwaffle

Bobble opened her eyes slowly. The hooded figure hovered over her but it seemed less menacing, somehow. It was also offering a cup of tea.

“I put in lots of sugar, for the shock” it said in a helpful voice.

“But, you oozed, you were a budget cutter, the Princess, LJS is coming round, Norah…”

“Now, now” said Friar Tuck kindly, for it was he, “you’ve had a bit of a shock. To be honest, we all have, Mr. Waffle was left in charge and things went a bit funny, but it’s alright now. Also, you might like to know that I’ve put on some hand cream.”

Bobble shook her head in bafflement and drank her tea. Suddenly she heard the sound of someone running up the stairs. It was Norah.

“Honestly, Bobble, you are a useless chump” she sighed in exasperation. Seeing the hooded figure she added “oh, hello Tuckers, I didn’t realise you were there, I thought you and Heather had fallen out”.

Friar Tuck drew himself up to his full height “her people and my people have been in touch and we are hammering out some kind of deal”.

“That’s nice” said Norah absently “by the by, how’s the psoriasis?”

Friar Tuck held out a scaly hand and smiled mournfully. “Well,” said Norah prosaically, “what do you expect on the NHS?”

“Anyway,” said Norah, “I can’t hang about, LJS is coming round and I have to get Waffle and Heather”.

“Oh” said Friar Tuck “so this is what this is all about” and he laughed loud and long and the sound echoed round the Schloss.  In the drawing room Heather pulled her diaphanous wrap more closely round her pretty shoulders and shivered.

***Author’s note: So this is why it was all Pam’s dream in “Dallas”. The scriptwriter went on a short holiday and found one of the main characters had been eliminated.  If you don’t get this reference, it’s not my fault that you are a mere babe in arms and too young to remember when Bobby was shot.


on 04 December 2004 at 20:08

“chump”? Ooh I’ve come over all Malory Towers! 1
Sweetie(s) given


on 04 December 2004 at 20:21

oh we’re hammering out a deal are we? I need to speak to my people.


on 05 December 2004 at 12:34

And I can just whistle in the wings or whatever while this pyrotechnical blytonesque love-in goes on? Typical. Personally I thought Mr Waffle’s contribution was the most wothwhile to date in this moving tale of hope and gory.
Not it’s gone all bloody pink and smiley again….


on 05 December 2004 at 15:08

Yes, FT, good news. Norah, well spotted, I felt a bit Enid Blytony…and a sweetie too, you are kind. HJB, well only if you want to, of course. LJS, excuse me, LJS, you’re FICTIONAL.


on 05 December 2004 at 15:10

Bobby Ewing? Pam? Oh yes, I remember my Mum telling me about that …


on 05 December 2004 at 15:13

Pog, clearly your mother was a child bride..

Friar Tuck

on 05 December 2004 at 21:32

Don’t worry Heather. Whenever there’s a deal being hammered out, I usually wind up being the nail!


on 06 December 2004 at 13:08

Of course she was waffle.


on 13 December 2004 at 20:53


Part the Twelfth

19 November, 2004 at 8:46 pm by belgianwaffle

The hooded figure slid past Bobble’’s recumbent form and oozed down the stairs. Norah had seen nothing, as she was watching Lazy Jack Silver. He stirred in his sleep and muttered some more. Norah stood watching him, unaware of the sinister figure looming behind her. A razor-sharp blade glittered in the candle-light.

Suddenly Lazy Jack Silver sat bolt upright, his eyes fixed on the apparition. Norah started, as the blade slashed through empty air where she had been a split-second before. She stared in horror – a Budget Cutter ! The scourge of healthcare everywhere ! She grabbed a chair and threw it at the figure, but the chair went straight through it as if through a cloud. The Budget Cutter merely smiled ghoulishly as it waved its blade. Norah and Lazy Jack Silver both backed away from it, but they were being pushed into a corner and no escape seemed possible.

Suddenly a voice was heard “Boccle ? Doggy ?” The Princess stood at the top of the stairs, holding her mother’s hand. The Budget Cutter froze, and dropped its knife. “Boccle?” The Budget Cutter shuddered and began to disintegrate into cloudy wisps. Within a few seconds all that was left was the knife and a nasty smell of mould.

“Yes, dear, I’’ll get you a bottle” said Waffle. “Merci” said Princess.

Friar Tuck

on 21 November 2004 at 21:44

*voice from nowhere*
Yes, I’d agree with heather if I had not disintegrated.


on 21 November 2004 at 22:59

It’s okay Friar Tuck, we’ll get on to it. Norah the scientist may very well have an antidote to this – we need to get you some girl action before you disintegrate.

Friar Tuck

on 22 November 2004 at 04:52

I hope the Pope doesn’t read this blog!
* as an angry mob with torches and pitchforks begin building a bonfire in front of my house *


on 22 November 2004 at 09:00

Why is he going to want some girl action too? Or are you worried that you may not become Cardinal Tuck?


on 22 November 2004 at 12:17

Seems to me like a sure-fire way of becoming at least a bishop.. if the Casey scenario plays true


on 22 November 2004 at 12:48

Hang on a minute. Are we sure that the shrouded figure was Friar Tuck? Since when was he a Budget Cutter (v clever, by the way, M’sieur Waffle)? Is this figure not an ‘extra’? And I am unsurprised by The Princess’s magical powers ….

Friar Tuck

on 27 November 2004 at 02:31

I’m in charge of cleaning his keyboard. I hate it when he drools.


on 03 December 2004 at 22:25

You will see that Friar Tuck has been restored to you all. Rejoice. Consider it an early Christmas present.

Part the eleventh

3 November, 2004 at 12:23 pm by belgianwaffle

Jojo came into the pub looking flustered. She saw Pog’s slender figure and elfin features in a distant corner. When Jojo arrived Pog effortlessly dispersed the crowd of admirers who were hovering hopefully around her table.
“Well”, said Jojo, “what have you got?”

Pog raised an eyebrow.

Jojo was not in the mood for enigmatic, she had had a lot of enigmatic recently and, frankly, she didn’t feel that it was all it was cracked up to be. She sighed.

Pog sensing that her elfin good looks were not going to dissipate Jojo’s ire, cut to the chase.

“Look Jojo, it’s like this, I saw LJS, unconscious, leaving the bar with two women, one of them I didn’t recognise but the other looked remarkably like Norah Splogg”.

“Norah Splogg, nobel prize winning astrophysist and best-selling author?” asked Jojo in tones of deep scepticism.

“Norah Splogg, blog assasin and agent of HJB” countered Pog.

Jojo gasped. Could it be?  Pog’s information was always good but she had never heard a whisper of this.

Pog raised her other eyebrow. It was a party trick and she liked to practise.

“Well” snapped Jojo, “what of it?”

“I’ve been doing some work for the army and I think I can get them to bring us to Heather’s Schloss” said Pog.

“What now?” asked Jojo startled.

“Yes now” said Pog impatiently “listen Jojo, don’t you realise that Heather has been wanting to get her hands on LJS for years. God knows what will happen if he stays in that Schloss. We haven’t got a moment to lose.  Our only advantage is surprise, Heather doesn’t know that we are on to her.”

Jojo’s head span. “Damn it, Pog, we don’t even know that Heather’s involved. He could be at home in Bishopstown. And the Swiss police could get very difficult if we turn up and it’s all a false alarm”.

Pog raised both her eyebrows.

Jojo ran her hands through her perfectly cut and styled hair. “Oh alright Pog, let’s go” she said crossly.

They got up and left immediately only pausing for Jojo to ring her babysitter and explain that she might be a little late.


on 03 November 2004 at 12:45

*looks on in admiration of mobile eyebrowage*


on 03 November 2004 at 12:54

Can you curl your lip as well Pog?


on 03 November 2004 at 12:55

Um. No. And I have tried on several occasions. The Elvis sneer is beyond me, I’m afraid.
The shame of it.
on 03 November 2004 at 13:15

You could try having your lip & Eyebrow pierced, then joining them with fishing line. Voila! Raise your eyebrow A la Spock & you get the instant Elvis sneer as well. I’m sure it would look very attractive 🙂


on 03 November 2004 at 13:26

Oooooh ….
*grabs hole-punch*


on 03 November 2004 at 16:59

And in real life I am terribly cool too. Oh yes.


on 03 November 2004 at 17:03

She is y’know. No cheese on her suede skirts, no sirree. Not never. Nohow.


on 03 November 2004 at 21:18

Oh….. this is getting better. Carried off by NorahSplogg and a beautiful and nubile young accomplice – who’s probably a research assistant.


on 03 November 2004 at 21:59

Thanks LJS ;o)


on 05 November 2004 at 17:09

I enjoyed that. The eyebrow part in particular had me *chortle*ing. For the record, I can do both eyebrows and the lip curl. Form an orderly queue ladies…Where did Bishopstown come from though?


on 06 November 2004 at 11:56

Hello there, glad you are all having fun w/pog’s eyebrows. Loc, just liked the idea of a super hero living somewhere as banal as Bishopstown.

  • www.flickr.com
    belgianwaffle's items Go to belgianwaffle's photostream
  • February 2019
    M T W T F S S
    « Jan    
  • Categories

  • Subscribe via Email

  • Site Meter



Subscribe Share