Michael (to his sister): And you like pink which is a colour for girls, babies, worms and toads.
Michael
Overqualified
We were in town buying new shoes the other day. Michael languidly extended his foot to the shop assistant. “Stop acting like a little pasha and put the shoe on yourself,” I said. “What’s a pasha?” asked Michael. The shop assistant replied, “A pasha is under a sultan – do you know a sultan? They were in charge of the Ottoman empire and it was very important although they were defeated by European forces in the Battle of Lepanto in 1571. Do you know the poem, “Lepanto”? “Don John of Austria is going to the War..”
Ah, so that’s where our arts graduates are going.
Yuck
Daniel and Michael asked me to read to them from a book called “Yuck” the other night at bed time.
I have never read a more disgusting book in my life. Yuck is the most repulsive child. I actually started to feel vaguely ill as I read. Picture the scene, Yuck is in his bedroom playing. He goes to the wardrobe and gets out a bag of bogies from which he proceeds to build a castle which he fills with creepy crawlies. As his mother comes upstairs, he quickly hides it under his bed. His mother and sister come into the room. He empties another bag on to the floor filled with dried scabs [lovingly described]. “What are you doing?” asks his mother? “Playing tiddlywinks,” he says and flicks two scabs into his sister’s mouth.
I am foreswearing Yuck. If they want him in future, they can read him themselves. Need I say that they were rolling around the floor laughing as I read this revolting story?
Product Endorsement
Some Planning Required
The children have downloaded a number of apps on my phone. Battle Nations is popular at the moment and apparently “it’s even better, if you share it with friends.” They want to share but I have pointed out that the only friends available through my phone are my friends who won’t be interested in Battle Nation. Aside, I notice, that somebody posted an invitation to pet hotel on my twitter feed, that wasn’t me.
While he was washing his teeth, Daniel asked me whether I had any friends who were pregnant. “Yes, why?” I asked. “So that when the children are born and get bigger you can invite their parents to play Battle Nations and they can give the phone to the children.” What did I say in response? “We’ll see”. Of course.
I still maintain that I am doing better than Chris over at Rude Cactus on June 25.
No Rest for the Wicked
Michael:Is there mass on Sunday?
Me:Yes.
Him: But why, it’s the holidays!