Mr. Waffle spent today working from home. The technician from eircom was to come. Mr. Waffle rang eircom about 5 wondering whether the technician was coming. They said that they didn’t know but Mr. Waffle couldn’t say the technician had not come until after 6, so if the technician didn’t come Mr. Waffle could call them in the morning and they would apply their escalation procedure. The technician did not come. Can’t wait for that escalation procedure in the morning.

When the children and I were away, the cat disappeared briefly. Mr. Waffle found her by following the piteous meowing sound to the neighbours’ enclosed patio behind their shed. She had got in but she couldn’t get out. The neighbours were away for the week and Mr. Waffle could only get her back by throwing random bric-a-brac from our shed over the wall to improvise a ladder. She began by sheltering from the rain under it but gradually worked out that she needed to climb up it. As Mr. Waffle leaned down perilously to grab her, he heard the unwelcome sound of our own shed door banging shut leaving him left out in the lane. At least he had rescued the cat who scampered off home over the roof of our shed. Mr. Waffle had to do the same. Nobody was injured you will be relieved to hear.

Can you believe that the idiot cat did the same thing the following day? Here she is in the pile of bric-a-brac resting a tentative paw on the climbing frame.

So, still no service from our new internet provider. I particularly like their email address: canwehelp@eircom.ie. Oh how we laughed. On the plus side, they may be trying to give Mr. Waffle money. I wonder for how long more our current provider will continue to supply broadband and whether we will be cut adrift in a cruel world without internet and television. Still, think of the saving. Recent correspondence below for your delectation because I know that you care.

From: Mr. Waffle
Date: 2 March 2015 at 11:44
Subject: Fwd: Register for My eircom to view your new eircom bill online
To: canwehelp@eircom.ie

Dear Sir or Madam

On 2 February I signed up online to get TV, phone and broadband from Eircom. I was given account number [xx]. A technician was supposed to come on 16 February but never turned up. After many contacts with your company, I was advised that it was necessary to cancel this order and start again. On 23 February I got a message (screenshot enclosed) from J in your Customer Care Administration Team confirming that the account had been closed on 19 February.

Since then, I have still not received any service from Eircom. I am still waiting for a technician to come to my house. I have no idea when this might occur (a month after I first attempted to sign up with Eircom).

On 27 February I got a message (below) saying that a bill had issued for my account. The message says that I can view the bill on “My Eircom”. However, when I attempted this, I got a message saying that the account number was no longer an Eircom account. See screenshot enclosed.

I would be grateful for an explanation of (a) how I can see this bill, and (b) what I am being billed for, given that Eircom has not actually provided me with any service and this account has been closed

Yours sincerely

———- Forwarded message ———-
From: eircom Bill Notifications
Date: 27 February 2015 at 15:39
Subject: Register for My eircom to view your new eircom bill online
To: Mr Waffle

Bill Notification

Dear Customer,
Your new eircom bill is now available to view online.

As you are on paperless billing, you can view your bill simply by registering on My eircom using your telephone number and your account number .

Register for My eircom

Your bill amount is €-5.60.

Once you login to My eircom, you can view a PDF of your bill, your bill summary and the itemised details of your bill online.

If you are set up for Direct Debit we will automatically take your payment. If not, you can pay your bill within My eircom.

If you need help understanding your bill we have a full bill explanation available here: Your Bill Explained.
Thank you,

Eircom
To find answers to commons questions or chat to an agent visit
Help & Support
Register to My eircom

This is an automated email. Please do not reply to it as you will not receive a response. Contact us here

I was late leaving work this evening which often happens because I am busy and constitutionally ill-adapted to being on time.

This meant that Michael was late getting his healthy pizza (ahem) for dinner. His father had been out dropping Daniel to GAA. If only I had been home on time, or somewhat organised and got herself or the childminder to put on the pizza, Michael would not have been eating pizza in a plastic box as we screeched out the door to go to scouts (still very popular, thanks for asking). There was some running up and down the street in the snow to find where the car was parked – definitely adding to the allure of the pizza – and a call home (don’t mock the afflicted) but we found it eventually.

After dropping Michael to scouts, late, I had to go and collect Daniel and a neighbour’s child from GAA. The traffic was very slow in the driving snow and I didn’t turn up to collect them until 7.30. I arrived to find the pair of them sodden, frozen and last to be picked up. A man I didn’t recognise delivered them to the car.

As they thawed in the car, I asked what had happened. Due to the snow, practice had stopped at 7 rather than 7.15 (unprecedented in my experience, usually nothing stops practice); the club house was locked, the other children’s parents were punctual (caring, delete whatever you think is appropriate yourself) and they stayed alone and coatless in the snow like a pair of orphan waifs until a man came up to them and asked whether they would like to sit in his car. His face was familiar and he had a kid they knew from training in the back. Daniel said, “But stranger danger, [neighbour’s child] didn’t want to get in.” “So,” I said in horror, “you stayed freezing in the snow.” “Oh no,” said Daniel, “I got in alright, just [neighbour’s child] stayed outside in the snow. The man did try to bundle him into the car, but he resisted.” One can only imagine the scene. Shortly afterwards, the man brought them up to the car park where they met me and all was well.

You may draw your own conclusions about this little tale but I am quite pleased by Daniel’s good sense.

Me, looking at Michael’s novelty rubber (eraser, Americans, eraser), “Is that a hedgehog?”
Him, coldly, “No, it’s a stegosaurus.”

As written by herself:

There was a young girl from Cork

Whose rhymes just wouldn’t work

She tried to write verse

But each day she got worse

Her last line never would rhyme.

While I was off gallivanting in Cork, Mr. Waffle was interacting with our internet service provider. We were with UPC but when the rates went up, we decided to go back to Eircom, being the savvy, 21st century consumers that we are. While I was in Cork with the children, Mr. Waffle copied me on the following correspondence. I think that they may have broken us.

From: Mr. Waffle

To: Me

Latest from Kafkaseque world of Eircom.

 ———- Forwarded message ——–From: Mr. Waffle

Date: 19 February 2015 at 22:35
Subject: Fwd: Confirmation of your cancellation request

To: phonecancellations@eircom.ie
Cc: getmore@eircom.ie

 Dear Sir or Madam

 I received an e-mail from Eircom (below) asking me to contact you to cancel an order. I am not sure why this is necessary, so I will explain the background.

 Until recently I was getting phone, broadband and TV from UPC. I decided to switch to Eircom and signed up with you on-line on 2 February 2015. It is now over two weeks later and I have no idea when I will actually receive any service from Eircom.

At present, UPC supplies phone, broadband and TV through a TV cable. There is no telephone socket in my house. This fact seems to have caused a lot of difficulties for Eircom.

 As I mentioned, I signed up on-line on Monday 2 February.The form allowed me to designate an installation date and I asked for the first available date, Monday 9 February.

After a few days I had not heard anything from Eircom so I called on 4 February to enquire when the installation would be. I was told the installation would be 24 February. I explained that we had no telephone socket and I was told that this required two separate appointments: a first visit to install the telephone socket and a second to install the remaining equipment. The person I spoke to said this first visit would be scheduled for 16 February.

Shortly after that call, I got an email confirming the installation date of 24 February.

I never got any written confirmation of the appointment for 16 February. On the morning of 16 February I called Eircom to confirm the appointment – I was told the technician would come between 9 and 6. I arranged for somebody to be in house all day. In fact, the technician never came.

At around 6.30 pm I called Eircom again to ask if the technician was still coming. I spoke to two people. Neither was aware of the appointment. The second person (O*) said my telephone line was active. I explained that the existing line was UPC cable, but we had no phone socket. O said the order had to be cancelled and a new appointment set up – this could take 5/10 days, but she would see if this could be done faster. She said somebody would contact me the next day (17 February) to give more information.This did not happen.

 Yesterday (18 February) I called Eircom and explained the situation to various people (F who passed me on to K, who hung up, and B who passed me on to A) with long intervals on hold. My last conversation that day was with A of the loyalty team – I explained the situation to her again, and she said the account needs to be closed.

The computer system would not allow this for about 24 hours but I should call again today (19 February). She told me that my home phone number which was formerly with UPC has been transferred to Eircom and is listed as active on the Eircom system. Since there is no telephone socket, I cannot actually connect a telephone to the line. (In fact, the phone no longer works, presumably because UPC is no longer providing this service). The fact that the line is listed as active is apparently an obstacle to having the telephone socket installed.

 I called today and explained the situation again to V. She said I would have to cancel all of the order (including the telephone line) and start the ordering process all over again. I asked if this meant I could decide to abandon the order with Eircom and go (for example) to Sky. She said yes, as I am not currently in contract with Eircom. As yesterday’s conversation involved the loyalty team, they would have to cancel the line. She passed me on to P of the loyalty team. After I explained the situation again, he said that he would cancel the telephone line and have a sales agent call me so a new order could be placed. He said that cancelling the order would take 24/48 hours. I explained that my aim was to get a service from Eircom and that ideally I would like to have the first appointment (to instal the telephone socket) in time for the second appointment (scheduled for 24 February). P said he could not give me precise dates but that he would do his best to resolve the situation.

 I assume that this is why I received the message below. I am not sure why there is a reference to 30 days’ notice (this might make sense if I was currently receiving a service from Eircom but I am not, and indeed V today told me that I am not even in contract with Eircom.)

I still want to sign up for phone, broadband and TV from Eircom as I first requested on 2 February. If the telephone line has to be cancelled to resolve an internal Eircom computer problem, I am happy to do this. However, I do not want to be sent to the back of the queue and miss my current appointment of 24 February. That date is three weeks after I first signed up with Eircom, and if I have to start again this implies waiting six weeks to get service.

 I would be grateful if you could advise me on how best to resolve this problem. If you wish to discuss, please feel free to e-mail me or call me.

——– Forwarded message ———-  Date: 19 February 2015 at 14:20

Subject: Confirmation of your cancellation request

To: Mr Waffle

We spoke to you today in relation to cancelling your bundle service with us. As advised, you are required to give 30 days notice in order for this to happen. Below is a list of instructions which will allow us to progress your cancellation.

Please send an email, including your eircom account number (detailed above) and phone number(s) that you wish to cancel to phonecancellations@eircom.ie or please write to eircom Account Administration Unit, Unit 6B Westgate Business Park, Ballymount, Dublin 15.

The cancellation of your eircom service will be carried out after 30 days upon receipt of your email. If you have already sent an email to cancel but have changed your mind, please contact us on 1800 503 303.

Thank you,

eircom  Limited.

As of today, do we have our eircom service up and running?  What do you think?

*Names redacted to protect the guilty