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Driving me Crazy

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Posted in: Middle Child, Princess, Twins, Youngest Child

Progress towards full driving licences for all three children is slow. They’ve all passed their theory test including herself who finally did it last summer. To be honest, I was never very worried about the theory test even if there were a lot of hard questions about tractors (the licence also equips one to drive a tractor something I don’t expect to be a major feature of their lives but who can tell?) – I think they might all have got 100% – it’s the practical test I was more concerned about and I am right there. Herself is in England and so beyond help essentially – she’ll have to sort herself out, I think. I regret this but there it is.

The other two are at home and on our insurance policy at enormous expense (two twenty year olds on provisional licences, of course the expense is enormous). One of them has taken the test and failed. The other hasn’t taken the test yet. Part of the problem is that they don’t have much practice as our lifestyle does not involve much driving. Because of where we live it is almost always easier to cycle or take public transport. If we are going for longer distances we tend to take the motorway where learner drivers are not allowed. And, of course, they have to be accompanied by a qualified driver so we have to go with them when they drive which is a bit tedious and occasionally alarming. I suppose we will get there in the end.

We had a friend who lives in the Netherlands to stay recently (home for a month’s mind for a man she knew from college, very depressing, only in his mid-50s with young children). Her children are of an age with our children so we were asking about progress on driving and her eldest has passed the test. We were suitably impressed particularly when we heard about the Dutch system. Apparently the people who give you your lessons also pass you on the test. The lessons cost a fortune so the incentive to pass people is low. Her son passed on his third or fourth attempt and it is not at all unusual to have a lot of attempts. On one occasion, her son turned up to take his test but could not do so as the test centre had been burnt down by someone who had been failed 14 times. People, there’s a whole world out there.

Wardrobe Choices

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Posted in: Middle Child, Travel, Twins

Middle child spent last week in Krakow on a college society trip. Banach was from there. You haven’t heard of Banach spaces? Nope, me neither. Anyway it was all a pretext for entertainment. They flew Ryanair (of course) and so luggage size was an important consideration.

Middle child: Will I be ok with just the jeans I’m wearing?

Me: Yeah, if you’re careful. It should be fine.

It was when I got a picture of this child lying down in a park in Krakow making a snow angel that I did wonder whether I am entirely right in my motherly assessment that my children are all geniuses.

In a related adventure, I hauled out my ancient ski jacket (purchased in Modena where I was on my Erasmus adventure in 1990) from what I thought might be its final resting place and said, “You might want to wear this in Krakow, it’s very warm.” The great news is that it is now very trendy (Sergio Tacchini waiting his time in the long grass) and all the young people think I am cool. The jacket has now been put in regular rotation and went into college this morning. I am extremely pleased with myself. A slight dent in my exhilaration occurred when I said, “The only problem is that there’s no hood.” Child felt the collar and said, “Is there not one in here?” There was one in there but I never knew and it remained pristine in its hiding place for 31 years until discovered by middle child. Perhaps my children are geniuses after all.

Too High or Too Low*

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Posted in: Family, Ireland

I have this theory about Irish people that we always have to do things to an extreme extent. It’s only fair to say that I have found very little support for this view among other Irish people.

However, you will recall that for a long time we were the best Catholics. Now we are the best liberals. We always wanted to be the best Europeans. When we had the bailout we were the best country at taking our medicine; we were never going to default like the Argentinians (I mean, they took that to their own extreme).

I don’t know if it’s a post-colonial thing or a small country thing or what. When I was growing up it was drummed into us by home, school, society that if you were going abroad you were representing your country and you couldn’t let us down. I’m not talking about going abroad to perform in the maths Olympiad here, I’m talking about a camping holiday in France.

Though all this does remind me of a funny story my mother told me. Shortly after she finished her master’s degree in Cork, she got a DAAD scholarship to continue her chemistry studies in Freiburg in Germany. It was the late 50s/early 60s and Ireland was poor and Germany was enjoying its post-war economic miracle and it was a world leader in science. Her professor in UCC said to her, “They’ll have all kinds of equipment there you’ve never seen before but don’t go around saying ‘Ooh, I’ve never used that before’ – you’re a clever woman, you’ll work it out quickly enough.” And so she did.

Anyway, in case you didn’t know, one of the things we quite like about ourselves here is that we’re good at death: talking about it; managing the rituals associated with it and generally seeing it as part of life. Regular readers will know that I am blue in the face from going to funerals and removals (the evening event – handy if work means you can’t go to the funeral – though a couple of hours out of the office to attend a funeral is alright by most employers). I have seen more dead bodies than I can remember. I don’t think there is a person over, say, 10 in Ireland who hasn’t seen plenty of corpses. And many under 10s have seen them too, it’s just not all of them have had a grandparent die. My mother died in 2019 and we had a normal funeral, full church, lunch, lots of people we hadn’t seen in years, random relatives, colleagues and friends (hers, my father’s, mine, my siblings’), the lady captain of the golf club, whoever you’re having yourself, and every one of them had something comforting to say. When my father died over Christmas in 2020, at the height of Covid, there were only 9 mourners in the church for the funeral and it was quite grim. I liked the way though that during Covid, people started using the condolence section of that stellar resource rip.ie to write messages of sympathy. I have pages and pages from my father’s death notice. That’s something quite nice that remains a feature even though Covid is over and we’re all attending funerals to beat the band again.

So, I think my credentials as a funeral going Irish rip.ie enthusiast have been pretty firmly established here. Nonetheless, I saw this in the paper this morning and I thought this is ridiculous, we’ve overdone it again.

Seriously, RIP the podcast? They’ve got to be joking.

*Billy Joel fans will know that the next line of this immortal number is “Darling, I don’t know why I go to extremes”.

Projecting an Image

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Posted in: Dublin, Ireland, Reading etc.

In the Irish National Gallery there’s a portrait of Joseph Leeson, later first Earl of Miltown, bigwig, painted by Pompeo Battoni who seems to have made a great living from painting grand tourists. Looks good, if a little portly, right?

In the same room, the authorities have chosen to hang a picture which is a parody of Raphael’s school of Athens by Joshua Reynolds. It was commissioned by Joseph Leeson’s nephew. It features the great and the good including Joseph Leeson, later first Earl of Milltown, bigwig. I am unclear how he felt about it but he is entirely recognisable and it somehow undercuts the adjacent formal portrait.

Truly, image management is a tricky issue.

Extracting the Positive

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Posted in: Dublin, Ireland

Ok, do not judge me but I went through our random cables box over the Christmas holidays and now everything is neatly coiled and labelled and we only have what we need. I am delighted. And furthermore I gave the spare cables away on Olio (a sharing app) and I can tell you, a lot of people seem to want random bunches of cables. Look what I gave away to a good home:

This is not the first time I have undertaken this exercise (the wretched things breed) so more of this fun will doubtless be available in the future.

Random Thoughts from the Aged

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Posted in: Cork, Family, Ireland, Reading etc.

My father used to call those grey trousers he wore with a blazer his flannel bags. Does anybody say flannel bags anymore? I tried my children and they looked baffled.

When leaving the dinner table, the expression, “May I be excused?” was widespread in my youth. Has this too gone the way of the dodo?

At mass this morning, they said that the exit hymn is “God’s Spirit is in my Heart”. “What on earth is that?” I thought but once they started singing I found I knew all the words. I was sure, sure, sure that I hadn’t heard it since I was a teenager but the internet seems pretty firm that it first came out in 2002. I am baffled but maybe I did learn new hymns in my 30s? This seems very unlikely but who can say? Then Margaret Atwood was on Desert Island discs and she picked Beethoven’s pastoral symphony as one of her 8 discs. “Ho hum,” I thought, “I wonder what that is?” Yet another musical number Mrs. O’Shea taught the school choir, that’s what, though we learnt it with the following words which I feel Beethoven wouldn’t have approved of: Now winter is passing and soon it will be spring/with daffodils and tulips and birdies on the wing. I also recently heard for the first time in about 40 years “In an English Country Garden” – yet another number Mrs. O’Shea brought into our lives. It’s funny how these songs one learnt as a child can be really evocative.

I’ve been looking at slides from my childhood and although it is a pain to set everything up the images are so much better than the faded brown snaps from photo albums and I now respect my father’s commitment to slides though I was dubious for many years. When I see myself I recognise every single thing I am wearing and I know what feelings it evoked in me, what I loved, what I hated. I am fascinated by this as I am not very interested in clothes now. I wonder what happened to that youthful clothes lover.

I had lunch yesterday with my oldest friend, our parents were friends and as she is a year older than me (something she used to enjoy pointing out to me when we were little, but now, ah, how the tables have turned), I have known her since I was born. Anyway over Christmas she went to a 40th school reunion. “40, 40 years!” I screeched in horror. “That’ll be you this year,” she pointed out tartly. I am shocked. How did that happen? But also, perhaps it’s not as big a surprise as all that.