LJS strolled languidly into Jojo’s beautifully appointed office. He turned around and said to the empty doorway “Stay Barky!”.
Jojo rolled her eyes “Still got the imaginary dog” she muttered. Honestly, talented and all as she was she wondered whether there was anything she could do for LJS. “Well,” she said brightly “I see you’ve got rid of the squirrel” but no sooner were the words out of her mouth than a small rodent wearing, oh good grief, a superman shirt, scampered up LJS’s arm and perched on his shoulder.
“I suppose that you heard that HJB tried to kill me” he said lazily.
“Don’t be ridiculous” snapped Jojo ” I have it on excellent authority that” Jojo paused and read from a piece of paper “naturally Heather had ensured that she was highly visible at a Raclette dinner with Phil Collins in downtown Geneva when the shot rang out. Perhaps it was sentimentality that had persuaded her to wear the 15 carat diamond necklace that evening; or perhaps she knew that such a fabulous jewel on the neck of such a glamorous woman would ensure maximum publicity in the international press.” “Our people in Interpol are speedy and efficient – well, the Swiss people are anyway – the pictures will be in “Hello” tomorrow”.
LJS flashed his magnificent turquoise eyes in irritation “Come off it, Jojo, you know Heather as well as I do, she could easily manage to be in two places at once or, failling that, get a hitman”.
Jojo looked at him appraisingly – what he said was true, there were more sides to Heather than she would like the Swiss police to know about but something told Jojo that HJB wasn’t involved in this hit. Heather never made mistakes, if she wanted LJS dead well then he wouldn’t be here now.
She decided to turn the subject. She drew a deep breath “how are things with Pog?” LJS turned away ashen faced, the squirrel cast Jojo a look of deep disapproval and offered LJS a nut.
LJS spoke with difficulty “this isn’t about Pog, forget her, I have, I’m seeing someone in Dublin now…”
Jojo raised her eyebrows, if LJS was seeing a non-Cork girl things had really changed. As though he read her thoughts LJS said “a Cork girl in deep cover”. “I see” said Jojo. Anyway, enough about his personal life she decided, she had had enough of that during the time she had worked as his counsellor and now she had other fish to fry.
“So” she said “who do you think shot at you assuming it’s not HJB?”
“I should have thought it would be obvious” he said.
Jojo remembered how LJS had never failed to irritate her in the past. “No, I’m afraid it’s not, do tell me”
“Well, I will, but first I have an excellent pun…”
*Author’s note: I’m getting a bit desperate for a pun here people.
on 30 September 2004 at 13:24
‘”When I die a drunk down on the street” and “from the contender to the brawl” are lines that epitomise this great piece of writing …’
Now I know you’re taking the mick (to coin a phrase) …. 😉
on 30 September 2004 at 14:42
I demand a rewrite. I would never dump Pog. Unless there were better offers, of course.
on 30 September 2004 at 14:59
And I bet you anything that the squirrel offering you his nuts counts as a better offer.
on 30 September 2004 at 15:57
Only if they were salted Pog, please.
on 30 September 2004 at 16:00
I’m fairly sure they would be, silver …
on 30 September 2004 at 16:11
You’ve tasted them then?
on 30 September 2004 at 16:16
Certainly not. He looks a bit sweaty, though ….. probably all that scampering.
on 30 September 2004 at 17:09
I hear that the sewers in Brussels back up so frequently that the city has decided to increase their size by a turd. Or was this meant to be a children’s book?
on 01 October 2004 at 11:56
Pog, he didn’t DUMP you. He just chased you. In vain. Very important. Pog, silver, one nut only. FT, hah.
on 01 October 2004 at 12:54
Oh – I see waffle. Oh well. That’s quite different.
on 03 October 2004 at 19:52
Well I must say I loved the squirrel addition (not surprisingly). The combination of disappoving looks and nut-offering had me laughing out loud.
Much as silver wondered about his action abilities being diluted by the other two-thirds, so I now blame the lads for the lack of pog-wooing. The electric connection I so obviously share with her is being ruined. A damn shame.
on 05 October 2004 at 20:05
Yay, Locotes, hello there, glad you got access to an internet connection. Hope the course is going ok. So you see your third as in with a chance with the enigmatic pog, I dunno now, we’ll have to see…