At 2.30 this morning, Daniel woke up. I went blearily downstairs to get him a bottle (no advice please). Near the microwave, I felt something squishy under my naked foot. There were two slugs disporting themselves on my kitchen floor. Tell me would it have been better or worse had I been wearing my scholl sandals? Also, how did they get there?
I reckon it would’ve been better if you were wearing Scholl sandals, they don’t have a ‘tread’ that needs cleaning out when you step on them. Unlike Merrell Sandals.
How they get there I have no idea. If you find out could you let me know please.
This is simply the worst thing in the world. I have done it often barefoot with snails, where you get the disconcerting crunch of shell. But never at 2:30. Please consume gin until memory subsides.
The slugs also come into my house. Bastards.
Jack D says
Those poor slugs. What a way to go. Trodden into oblivion. One moment there you are tenderly encircling each other, next moment wholly integrated but inanimate.
Max once served as a kind of Trojan Dog and brought a brace into my kitchen hidden in his fur. Clearing them away lasted about as long as the eponymous war. You need to do a couple of 2.30 am flashlit visits to make sure you’ve got them all… they breed wildly you know. And often practice apophallation… the thoughts of which makes my eyes water. And not in sadness.
I had to do it. I googled apophallation. From wikipedia:
Apophallation is a technique resorted to by some species of air-breathing land slugs such as Limax maximus and Ariolimax spp. In these species of hermaphroditic terrestrial gastropod mollusks, after mating, if the slugs cannot successfully separate, a deliberate amputating of the penis takes place.
The slugs are hermaphroditic and have a full set of organs of both genders. They have relatively large penises which, during mating, wrap around each other in a tight spiral. They sometimes have difficulty separating afterwards. When separating seems impossible, one slug gnaws off either its own, or its partner’s penis, so that separation is then possible. No replacement penis grows, and the apophallated slug adopts a purely female function from that point onward.
I think I’m going to faint – pass the smelling salts Majorie…
town mouse says
Well, if Islay girl and wikipedia are right, you clearly saved them from a worse fate. They were probably still discussing who got to chew off whose penis first…
How weird would it be that I knew that about slugs already? And it doesn’t make treading on them any better. Is this post now doomed to attract more spam than you can shake a stick at? Will I to my great regret have to remove Jack and Islay’s comments?
We have them, too (huge, yellow “banana slugs”); I only discovered them when I had to be up at 4 a.m. for an airport shuttle. They hang out ’round the cat food dish. I assumed I simply was the most disgusting person ever (still may be true) and had no idea other people had slugs as well. God bless the ‘nets for saving me from the shame spiral.
we have them too. I suspect they live behind the washing machine, but I’m too scared to look.