• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar

belgianwaffle

  • Home
  • About
  • Archives

I Knew You’d Want to Know

11 October, 2023
Posted in: Family, Ireland

I cannot tell you how often I have got emails from friends and acquaintances, telling me that someone’s parent is dead saying “I knew you’d want to know.” My heart kind of sinks. I actually didn’t want to know at all and I glumly go about re-ordering my week to attend the funeral or removal, thinking that if I hadn’t known, I could just have sent a card.

One of my most used websites is rip.ie which i basically regard as a public service.

In Ireland, there are a lot of funerals in your life; that’s just how it is. You are honour bound to go to the funeral of someone you know’s parent. Unless you’re abroad. It doesn’t matter where the funeral is, if it is a friend’s parent and the funeral is on the island of Ireland, you schlep there. Sometimes the removal is sufficient. For someone less close if you have to travel more than an hour, you probably don’t have to go but context is all important and at the very least, you must send a card. There’s a whole set of unwritten rules which only fellow Irish people know how to apply and they will know , if you’ve fallen short. By God, they will know. My uncle’s funeral was on the day we were moving back from Belgium to Ireland in 2008. By car with our three small children and all the possessions the movers were not taking for us. I think, quite genuinely, my aunt never forgave me for not coming to my uncle’s funeral. My situation was not helped by my cousin (also a niece) flying home from New York to attend.

I have no idea how many dead bodies I have seen. Loads anyway. Even my kids have seen at least five or six. When I was a child and UCC was much smaller than it is today, my mother would have a look at the flag on the mast on the quad to see whether it was flying at half mast; just in case anyone was dead.

One day over the summer, I spent most of a beautiful day in the car to get to the removal of the parent of someone I worked with years ago. I was filled with rage. But when I got there I met loads of people I knew; the daughter of the dead woman was really pleased to see us all and I think it made a real difference to her at a horrible time. And I remembered all the random children of her friends who took time to come to my aunt’s funeral over the summer and how nice it was for us to have them there.

So, I suppose, yes, they’re all right, I did want to know after all.

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Ellen says

    12 October, 2023 at 00:04

    This is so interesting to me. I went to a million visitations/wakes and funerals as a child, and I was incredulous when I met people as a young adult who had never been to one. However, I have noticed as a busy working parent, I resort to sending a card much more often. My parents are in their 80s now and they go to funerals constantly.

  2. belgianwaffle says

    12 October, 2023 at 17:25

    Yes, I know, the lure of the card can be a bit irresistible and, seriously, I’m not sure that people really notice if you’re not there unless you’re quite a close friend, but I do feel that when I make the effort, it’s pretty much always worth it. Watch out for the following development in the future: when your parents die (and I hope this is not for a good long while yet), you will find yourself having to go to their friends’ funerals (as obviously they won’t be able to). You heard it here first.

  3. town mouse says

    14 October, 2023 at 17:09

    My feeling with funerals – people will generally not notice if you are not there, but they will definitely notice (and appreciate it) if you are there. That said, I do sometimes wonder whether it wouldn’t be better to take the same effort we make to attend a funeral and instead go and see people while they are still alive.

  4. belgianwaffle says

    16 October, 2023 at 18:22

    Probably true and definitely comforting.

Primary Sidebar

Flickr Photos

More Photos
October 2023
M T W T F S S
 1
2345678
9101112131415
16171819202122
23242526272829
3031  
« Sep   Nov »

Categories

  • Belgium (147)
  • Boys (983)
  • Cork (239)
  • Daniel (715)
  • Dublin (512)
  • Family (642)
  • Hodge (50)
  • Ireland (952)
  • Liffey Journal (7)
  • Michael (691)
  • Miscellaneous (71)
  • Mr. Waffle (670)
  • Princess (1,143)
  • Reading etc. (603)
  • Siblings (246)
  • The tale of Lazy Jack Silver (18)
  • Travel (220)
  • Work (204)

Subscribe via Email

Subscribe Share
Privacy & Cookies: This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this website, you agree to their use.
To find out more, including how to control cookies, see here: Cookie Policy
© 2003–2025 belgianwaffle · Privacy Policy · Write