Daniel: Who’s Peter?
Me: You know, Peter, first pope?
Daniel: No.
Me: Thou art Peter and upon this rock I shall build my church?
Him: What?
Me: Well Peter means a rock.
Him: No it doesn’t.
Me: Look it doesn’t work so well in English, you’ll just have to take my word for it.
Mr. Waffle: Tu es Pierre, et sur cette pierre je bâtirai mon Église.
Daniel: Have you still got the mark from where you burnt yourself filling the hot water bottle?
Me: Yup. I might have it forever actually.
Him: You’re lucky that you didn’t get that in the late 90s.
Me: Why is that Dan?
Him: You would probably have been burnt as a witch.
My children hate throwing things out. An empty cereal box can be re-purposed. The plastic wrapping on a magazine can be used to choke a sibling. They watch me like hawks to make sure that I don’t illicitly dispose of things.
Daniel said to me the other night, “You’re not a real Irish Mammy.” As I mentioned before, I received “The Book of Irish Mammies” for my birthday and the children are measuring me against it and, regrettably, generally finding it a very good fit, so I was rather pleased when he said this but a bit surprised too. “Why not?” I asked. “Because you are always throwing things out.”
All I can say is, if I’m always throwing things out, why do we have so much stuff?
Before I ended up staying in Cork for the weekend, we had planned to go to Northern Ireland for a day trip. The children were not enthused. Mostly because they, quite rightly, scented the prospect of a health giving walk. The Princess however began to plough a particularly fertile furrow. “I’m scared, we’ll be bombed,” said she. “Don’t be daft,” we said pointing to the Belfast agreement and, more practically, the people we knew from Northern Ireland and the fact that the sixth class school tour was going there; she knows that her school principal is not a man for taking unnecessary risks. It was at this point that Daniel felt inspired to intone from the back seat “Ireland unfree shall never be at peace!”
I think we may have to look a bit more closely at his reading material. Mr. Waffle tells me that Daniel has been reading a “very green” children’s history of Ireland and Mr. Waffle feels that peace and reconciliation may not be among the themes addressed. All the more reason to take them off to see the glories of Northern Ireland where they can see swords being beaten into ploughshares with their very eyes or, more likely, have a walk followed by tea and a bun in a National Trust property.
Daniel: Oysters are mammals.
Me: No, they’re not.
Daniel: Are you sure?
Me: Yes.
Daniel: How do you know they’re not mammals?
Me: Well, they have none of the characteristics of mammals at all, they don’t give birth to live young…
Daniel: How do oysters have baby oysters?
Me: I don’t know really.
Pregnant pause. Please forgive the pun.
We were supposed to spend last Monday packing to move house on Tuesday. Alas, the carpet fitter who arrived on Saturday arrived with one carpet too few. After some anguish, we put the move off to this Friday. On the plus side, I’m really hoping that varnish downstairs will be dry.
Unfortunately, the Princess had already boxed up all her books and she spent the weekend pacing the house in a state of considerable bitterness. Re-opening of the library on Tuesday was greeted with ecstasy. Meanwhile, the boys have fallen out over who owns what as, for the first time, they have to separate their worldly goods into two rooms.
Wish us luck for tomorrow.
Me: Do you want to put something in the collection?
Daniel: Yes.
I discover to my horror that I have only one cent in my purse. I hand it over. Daniel looks at it in astonishment and exclaims: “ONE CENT, is that all you are going to put in the collection?”
Everyone in the church looks at me.
Me: Look, it’s just all I’ve got on me at the moment.
Daniel [in a loud and carrying voice]: Oh so you have lots of money in the bank but you are just putting one cent in the collection basket?
