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Belgium

A life of crime

8 July, 2004
Posted in: Belgium

I was in the post office a while back and I saw a sign from the Flemish tourism agency saying “fill in a card and we’ll send you all our brochures absolutely free of charge”.  So, I did.  Brochure arrived and it was mostly advertising.  I was about to chuck it in the wastepaper basket when I see that they have a little note as follows:

“As we mentioned, the book of ideas and brochure are completely free: all we require from you is 2.50 to cover post and administration costs”.

The nerve.  However, we subscribe to test achat and we will shop them for their iniquity.  In the interim, I am inclined to pay, but Mr. Waffle is not.  It is not his misspelled name that is on the bill though and I fear that the commune police will come knocking on our door and haul me away for non-payment of debt.  I’m living on the edge here, I can tell you.

Comments
jackdalton

on 09 July 2004 at 01:03

Shop them; they deserve it.

belgianwaffle

on 09 July 2004 at 20:59

Um, HJB, no, Belgium is sort of like Switzerland, if Switzerland has lots of different police forces but it’s not clean like Switzerland and they don’t care about washing anything on the street as far as I can tell. The main task of the commune police is to ring your doorbell to check that you live where you said you lived when you registered with the commune. You think that I’m making this up, don’t you? Would you believe that they have guns to accomplish this difficult and dangerous task.
Jack, would have to compose a letter in French and am probably too lazy for that so it will just sit and taunt me on the desk for a bit, I suppose.

Ill gotten gains

20 June, 2004
Posted in: Belgium, Princess

Well not really ill gotten.  Went and changed my train tickets and it costs 30 euros less to go the week after next.  I paid by credit card but the SNCF people refunded me CASH.  I spent the loot as follows:

1 coatstand (8 euros – well actually 10 because although they were willing to give it to us for 8, Mr. Waffle felt they needed the money more than we did.  A bit tiresome to get home, I carried it on my shoulder balanced like skis while Mr. Waffle pushed the Princess but we were something of a hazard to other road users – did have a surreal moment while waiting for the tram; best dressed diplomat and her husband came along, stopped to chat and hung up their purchases on the coatstand. Very appropriate for the land of Magritte).

Six porcelain cups and saucers (5 euors – a killing!  Mr. Waffle says that there is a gap in my life only porcelain can fill.  And I got a sugar bowl thrown in as well.  Slightly difficult to carry. Especially with a coatstand slung nonchalently over a shoulder)

2 cinema tickets (Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkabhan – only alright but we have broken our cinema jinx and actually got to see the film we wanted to see)

When we got home from the cinema last night, our babysitter told us that the Princess had woken up at 9.00 and insisted on playing until 11.00.  In our evil hearts we hoped that this would mean that she might wake up later this morning.  No. I have been up since 6.50.  Princess having stood up alone for the first time last night (gasps please) is anxious to keep practising in case she loses the knack. She has also said her first word. Cuckoo.  I’m trying not to draw any conclusions here.  This morning she pointed at her toy train and said choo-choo. Our genius.

Comments
belgianwaffle

on 20 June 2004 at 17:32

We think she may mean coucou which is the French for peekaboo as she usually says it after holding her bib up to her face.

jackdalton

on 21 June 2004 at 17:16

Ah… a multilingual upbringing “Dit ‘allo, Sprogette…” and all that. Impressive. Very impressive……:-)

Daring

16 June, 2004
Posted in: Belgium, Princess

The French Mama is coming to stay tomorrow with husband and baby.  I will be too deeply consumed with envy peering at her latest purchases to concentrate on blogging.  Also, I will have to stop the Princess roughing up her tiny baby and stealing her cuddly toys.  There was a major scene in the supermarket this morning when I attempted to remove from her steely grasp a rubber toy she had found in the “toys for pets” section of the supermarket (I was trying to choose the right freezer bag on the adjoining display and I was distracted – does this strike you as an odd juxtaposition?  Do Belgians lure their pets into the kitchen with squeezy toys and then freeze them in 1 litre bags?).

The French Mama leaves on Saturday afternoon with her entourage and Sunday sees us going to the Brussels Childbirth Trust Funday where I will be in charge of a stall.  Clearly, I didn’t want to do this but a woman rang me and asked me to do it and my complete inability to say no did not desert me.  As you can imagine, my loving spouse is even more delighted than I am at the prospect of taking his daughter on shetland pony rides while I dole out strawberries and champagne to the great unwashed.

On Monday, the Princess and I will embark on a nine hour train journey to the west of France where my parents will be awaiting our arrival with bated breath.  I am dreading the journey as not only will it be a little hard to keep herself entertained for nine hours on the train but I have to change trains and will be bringing Princess, our gear, buggy and car seat.  I hope to rely on the kindness of strangers but this can sometimes go amiss.  Anyway, we’ll be gone for the week and Mr. Waffle will be left alone and palely loitering and working, obviously. You know, sometimes, being a kept woman is not so very bad.

Comments
belgianwaffle

on 17 June 2004 at 08:17

Very funny.

Parking

16 June, 2004
Posted in: Belgium

When I drive to my local bakery, I double park on the pavement outside with my hazard lights on while I make my purchases (this does not make me Belgian).

By doing this, I am giving the bus driver who must pick up people from the bus stop from behind where I am parked a difficult but not impossible task (this does not make me Belgian).

This, clearly illegal, double parking is carried out in front of a police station (this does not make me Belgian).

The other day, when I did my usual trick, a policewoman waved at me to move on (this does not make me Belgian).

I stopped to argue with her, pointing out that I would only be in the bakery for a moment (yes, I think that this makes me Belgian).

Though perhaps a real Belgian wouldn’t have given up on the argument so easily.

Comments
belgianwaffle

on 16 June 2004 at 21:02

And may I say how appropriate your nickname is every time you step into a motorised vehicle.

The sea, the sea

28 May, 2004
Posted in: Belgium, Princess

We went to Knokke yesterday with the Glam Potter and baby L.  Though it was overcast in Brussels, it was relatively fine on the coast.  The Princess doesn’t “think much of the ocean, the waves they was fiddly and small” and also rather cold.  However, she did consent to dip a small toe very briefly in the North Sea.  The beach was another matter and she played happily with baby L’s bucket and spade while L made a run for the main road nearby.

Knokke is a funny place.  The Belgian coast is rather unbeautiful. High rise towers gazing out on a chilly grey sea.  But they love it.  And the coast is really expensive.  A flat in one of those towers could set you back the same amount as a flat in Dublin.  In Ranelagh.  And Knokke is full of very rich Belgians. I heard a news item on the radio that the local council in Knokke has banned helicopters from the area.  Apparently, so many residents had helipads the area was becoming very noisy and it was losing its cachet.  Odd.

Still, it was lovely to be by the sea.  Maybe, when I win the lottery, we will be able to put a deposit on a small flat near Ostend.

Comments
belgianwaffle

on 28 May 2004 at 12:17

Nah, couldn’t afford that really..

Further car parking difficulties

7 May, 2004
Posted in: Belgium

I ran into trouble in the car park again.  I don’t think I should be allowed to park downtown on my own any more.  I lost my ticket. I rang for someone to come and help me. I pushed the button at the entrance to the car park. I pushed the button at the car park exit. I pushed the button on the pay machine. The car park rang with ringing noises but no one appeared. I kicked the pay machine. An attendant came hurrying up. Oh dear.  I explained that I had lost my ticket.

“It’s going to cost you lady”.

“Yes I know”

“Are you sure that it’s not in your bag?”

(Was that question idiot proofed?).

“Eh, yes.  Can I pay by visa, debit card…”

“Ah no, cash only”

Of course, back up to the shopping centre. Queue for cash.  Back down to the basement car park. Does your man have change? No, of course, not.  Back up to shopping centre, get change. Fill in long form giving my name, id card no., car reg, make and model and swearing that this is not a scam. Am free to go.  Blah.

Round at Glam Potter’s yesterday. She had had a difficult day. She had gone to IKEA to pick up a shoe baby L had lost there earlier in the week. As IKEA is planned so that once you’re in you have to see everything, she did a tour of the shop and bought some 99 cent chopsticks. She said that she felt a little odd in the queue as other people bought large items of furniture. Anyhow, on the way home, she ventured into the Brico to get wood to make bedheads (honestly, does that woman not have enough to do, she is disastrously creative).  She asked the man at the check out to help her put the wood in her car. He said no, maybe his colleague would help when he returned from his break. Baby L felt that this was bad news and began to wail and continued to do so until the colleague came back from his break. Then she redoubled her efforts.  The GP drove her car to the door and with the help of the Brico man started to load up her car. A random punter turned up with a trolley (please insert soundtrack of wailing child as background to the following dialogue)

“Please move your car” he said.

“I will, just as soon as I’ve loaded this up”

“Please move your car”

“I’m just going to finish loading this, or, you know, you could walk round the car”

(At this stage, sensing confrontation, the Brico man sidles off).

Conversation which has been in French up to now, starts being conducted in English.

“Your car is in my way”

“Yes, I know, I’m just finishing…”

“I will shoot your car, if you don’t move it”

“You’ll shoot my car, will you? With what?”

At this the man begins to ram our heroine’s car with his trolley. She hastily stuffs in the remainder of the wood and drives off with baby L still roaring. Very traumatic.

And finally, may I recommend that you check out Fluid Pudding for an excellent haiku on breastfeeding and mother’s day.

Comments
BykerSink

(Homepage)

on 08 May 2004 at 00:52

New visitor to your site.
My dealings with Belgians are limited but I find that saying the words “Phillipe Albert” usually swings things in my favour.
Try it next time.
You never know.

belgianwaffle

on 11 May 2004 at 15:18

Ok, BykerSink, am willing to give it a go. Will let you know results. Do you think it works in Flanders too or only in Wallonia?
Jack, someday you will have to load a car with a small child wailing inside and these flippant words will return to haunt you…

jackdalton

on 11 May 2004 at 15:28

🙂
Somethings are only ever understood from the inside…
[Pity there’s not a smiley to indicate playfully ironic comment from one who knows…]

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