A shot rang out in the bar. LJS felt the bullet go by ruffling his glossy chestnut locks. People screamed and fell to the floor but he remained immobile. He knew that bullet had his name on it but he was sure that the assasin wouldn’t risk a second shot. He had been a target before. Many times. Hhis three jobs were just part of his cover. He was an agent of the underground movement for a free People’s Republic of Cork. The police arrived. They immediately gravitated to LJS; with his chiselled jaw and calm air, he had an imposing presence. “Did you see anything?”
“No, but it was aimed at me. I think it could be one of my former lovers who lives in Switzerland.” “That’ll teach her to get all ratty about a stupid cat” he thought bitterly. He supposed that in setting the police on Heather who lived, to all appearances, at least, a blameless life, he had been cruel. But she had been cruel to him and LJS was not in the mood to forgive.
“Excuse me sir, but would you like to see a counsellor?” asked an apologetic policeman.
Counsellor pah, thought LJS, I eat counsellors for breakfast.
“We have Jojo available…” the policeman interrupted his thoughts.
Ah, well, if it was the lovely Jojo, perhaps he would see a counsellor after all. Rumour had it that Jojo had settled down to a life of blissful domesticity with husband and baby, but LJS had thought of an exciting new pun that he felt Jojo might enjoy…
*Author’s note. I am very poor at puns – can someone help me out here?
A pun perhaps?
Naturally Heather had ensured that she was highly visible at a Raclette dinner with Phil Collins in downtown Geneva when the shot rang out. Perhaps it was sentimentality that had persuaded her to wear the 15 carat diamond necklace that evening; or perhaps she knew that such a fabulous jewel on the neck of such a glamorous woman would ensure maximum publicity in the international press. 
Now you’re making me look stupid.
Of course, now you have actually posted a story you have made me look rather sexy too, which is much closer to the real me. How did you know about the chestnut locks though?
I thought waffle was very kind, silver – after all, she is making a silk purse out of a sow’s ear with the three of you. Fortunately she has got a wonderful female protagonist.
Yes, I’m looking forward to JoJo turning up.
so you can show off your punning technique?
I wouldn’t call it a technique exactly – more a gift.
You know, I actually heard my own voice when I read the ‘I eat counsellors for breakfast’ bit…And the one time in my life I was actually shot at I didn’t move for a good ten seconds because I didn’t actually realise what was happening…. so now, I’m really rattled. 🙂
A fictional character becomes one third of a further fictional character.. it’s all a bit too postmodern….
And what do you mean, sow’s ear…
Hello protagonists. Based on her brilliant contribution to the text so far, I have asked HJB to be a contributor. Not quite sure how that works technically but am hopeful that all will be well. Am also hopeful that HJB can pun.
it’s worked, waffle – we are so technical – official.
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Comment Modified) Shouldn’t that have read:”… but he remained nomobile …”??
This Heather character seems a right handful. Violent and sarcastic, a nasty combination. Reminds me of someone around here, I just can’t place my finger on it…Mentioning both my jaw and Cork deserves special recognition – bravo!