Her: Look Mummy, itâ€™s a photograph of you!
Me: On the CD cover?
Her: There, there!
Me: Thatâ€™s Julia Roberts. [Is it necessary to say that I do not in any way whatsoever resemble Julia Roberts? Â Also, please donâ€™t despise us for having the CD of songs from â€œMona Lisa Smileâ€ ].
Me: What do you think of my new top?
Her: Itâ€™s not pretty.
Me: Why not?
Her: Itâ€™s got no sparkles. And itâ€™s not pink.
Me: Hmm, but still.
Her (relentlessly): And it makes you look fat. [Is it necessary to say that I am sensitive to any criticism that may be made on this point, however ill-informed; please witness previous dialogue for an illustration of my daughterâ€™s powers of observation].