belgianwaffle

Archives for October 2006

More from the Eagle


Posted in: Siblings

My brother has sent the following email to my parents: Hi All, This will be just a quick email as I’m writing on a dodgy old computer(think our old computer before I put the extra RAM in) and I’m afraid I’ll lose all the info before I get to send the email…….. This is my first travel email for quite a while so it’s time to reacquaint yourselves with the diet of unfinished sentences, obscure analogies and spelling that appears in no (English) dictionary. Anyway the trip has gone very well so far although thanks to Helen’s input the pace has been fairly hectic….arrived in Delhi, was barely over the jetlag when I was taken out for a look at the famous red fort and walk around the market in the Muslim quarter in old Delhi. The red fort was impressive with mosques and palaces and stuff. One problem with Delhi is that it is full of beggars and people trying to sell you stuff you don’t want (although I managed to accumulate enough of the latter in Ireland without any pressure). The problem in Delhi is getting stuff you do want, beer would be easier to find in Chicago during prohibition, junk food and ready meals are easier to find in our (new) fridge at home. All in all the place is tough going but not as bad as Helen makes out (that would not be possible). Next day we flew to Nepal, had a look around the city, we saw temples full of monkeys (not sure how this would work in St. Agustine’s [local church in Cork]). Continuing the tour (think American tourist in Europe pace but in a country with no infrastructure) we went down to the jungle area in the south of the country for a 2 day safari. We were staying in a beautiful lodge in the middle of the jungle, very atmospheric place, I felt like a British Explorer from the 19th century, all I was missing was the shotgun and hip flask. The views were spectacular but the wildlife took a little patience, we were hoping to see the elusive tiger, but we found him deserving of this adjective….. however we did see rhinos up close [father reading over my shoulder pshaws, ‘no rhinoceroses in India’, though you would think that Dan might know, if he got up close], crocodiles (the good ones i.e. herbivores [really, a herbivorous crocodile?]), deer (only in the distance, funny to think you try to avoid them in the Phoenix park and pay good money to see them in Nepal.) All in all it was a brilliant experience. From there we left for Pokhara, (Mum I think I saw the atlas in the drawing room) and that’s from where I write this email. Helen is flying back to Delhi on Friday morning and I’m going on a 6 day trek in the Annapurna mountain range, will report back afterwards. 

My sister’s take on my brother’s adventures is here.

What we won’t be getting, if Ryanair take over Aer Lingus


Posted in: Princess, Travel

We flew to Dublin this morning with Aer Lingus. The air hostesses were lovely to us. They smiled at our children. They helped us carry them about. They saved our sanity. It doesn’t cost anything to be nice to customers but Michael O’Leary doesn’t seem to encourage it. He revels in the fact that Ryanair has only one part time person on customer service. OK, yes, it is cheap.
But it would never have let us enjoy the letter below. You will recall that we lost travel doggy and wrote a pathetic fax to Aer Lingus. This is the reply we received (some grammatical improvements were made because I’m like that and I can’t promote improper use of the apostrophe):

Ref # 6171

Without Prejudice

Dear Mr. Waffle,

Thank you for your correspondence.

I am sorry to learn your daughter left her favourite toy on flight EI638, when you travelled with us recently.

Despite a thorough search, I regret that so far we have been unable to locate these items. Please accept my sincere apologies on behalf of Aer Lingus for the inconvenience caused.

However, in common with other international carriers Aer Lingus do not accept any responsibility for passengers’ hand baggage with the onus of its safe carriage reverting directly to the passenger themselves. If you have travel insurance or made your booking using a credit or debit card, offering automatic travel insurance, you should notify them as soon as possible regarding any claim you wish to make from them as soon as possible.

If I can be of any further assistance to you, please do not hesitate to contact me. Thank you for choosing Aer Lingus. Your support is much appreciated.

Sincerely
SCW
Consumer Response Representative

Confusion in Multicultural Ireland


Posted in: Dublin, Ireland

Non-Irish Trader in organic, right on market: These sardines come from Latvia.

Mother-in-law: From Latvia.  Goodness.  Tell me, how do you say ‘thank you’ in your language?

Trader: Merci.

Mother-in-law: That’s not Latvian, that’s French.

Trader: I am French.

Self-knowledge


Posted in: Princess

I was pretending to bite the Princess on the arm for comic effect, she squealed in delight and then suddenly lost interest. She said to me coldly “stop it, Mummy, I’m not for eating”. What are you for then, sweetheart?” I asked, slightly maliciously. She rolled her eyes and said “I’m for talking”.

The Eagle has landed


Posted in: Siblings

My brother and sister called my parents from Kathmandu this morning.  My mother was delighted to hear that her ewe lamb had arrived safely in the Nepalese capital.  He asked whether she had got their email and she said no.  He began to double check that she had followed all the correct procedures for downloading when my sister snatched the mobile from him, muttering indignantly about the expense of giving this kind of advice on an Indian mobile from Nepal.  There’s a good joke there about call centres; fill in the blanks yourselves please.
When my brother headed off to visit my sister in India, I had the following conversation with my mother:

Her: So, he’s off to India this week.

Me: I’m sure he’ll have a great time.

Her: He’s been really fantastic since your father has been ill.

Me: Yes, he has been very good.

Her: To be honest, I’m a little worried about him going.

Me: I can imagine, but Daddy’s on the mend now.

Her: Oh no, not because of me and Daddy but you know, India, it’s so far away and so different.

Me:  But, but, your youngest daughter lives there.

Her (defensively): Well, it’s different for your brother, he might get ill.

Me: But, but, she was ill all the time.

Her: Well, your brother is very delicate.

Me: Gasp of outrage.

In conclusion, it is true what they say about Irish mothers and their sons and, apparently, sibling rivalry never really dies.

Some exaggeration for effect


Posted in: Family

This evening, I described our weekday mornings thus to my husband and daughter.

At 6.15 Michael rouses his parents from sleep with sounds of indignation. Mr. Waffle says to me “You stay in bed, I’ll get him”. Somewhat to his surprise and mild resentment, I invariably accept this invitation. My will power is nil and I am not a morning person. I find that this always gets the day off to a good start.

Michael howls in continuing indignation that his Mummy has not come to fetch him and I put my head under the pillow and snuggle up to the duvet. Mr. Waffle puts Michael in the playpen and showers and shaves in precisely 30 seconds. Daniel wakes up and by this time the guilt is too great to bear and I usually stagger out of bed about 6.45. The second he sees me, Michael starts to scream. I pick him up and he stops. Daniel and Mr. Waffle continue about their business (sucking on a toy and eating breakfast respectively) ignoring this touching scene. Mr. Waffle then prepares porridge for the boys and straps them into their high chairs. They squeal and reject the porridge with contumely. I feed the boys some Rice Krispies. Michael sits on my lap and Daniel stands holding on to my chair looking up at me hopefully. The Rice Krispies are always a disappointment to him and he spits them out on the floor.

The Princess gets up. I say, “I think I’ll have my shower”. Mr. Waffle says to the Princess “Que-ce que tu veux manger, ma puce?” The Princess ignores him.

“Princesse, Papa t’a posé une question.”

No response.

Me: She’ll have Rice Krispies.

Mr. Waffle pours out Rice Krispies and adds milk.

Her: Mummy is today a school day?

Me: Yes, honey.

Her: I don’t want to go to school and then (transferring her attention to her breakfast), no, don’t want, I want Corn Flakes.

Mr. Waffle’s face acquires the set look that characterises his morning appearance and he puts Corn Flakes in a bowl.

Her: Encore.

Him (severely): T’auras encore quand tu as fini ce qu’est dans ton bol.

Her (collapsing into loud sobs): No, je veux MAINTENANT.

Me: Look, just give her some more cornflakes. I’m going to have my shower.

Princess looks at Mr. Waffle in triumph and I hot foot it to the bathroom pursued by a weeping Michael crawling at speed. Daniel continues phlegmatically chewing on a plastic toy. I spend three hours in the bathroom showering and flood the floor while Michael sits outside wailing and head butting the door. From the distance I hear the sound of the Princess bawling hysterically about some fundamental right which has been breached “non, je ne veux PAS du lait dans mes corn flakes”.

I emerge from the bathroom swathed in towels and rescue Michael (sodden of course from the flooded floor and his ocean of tears) and comb my hair and put on make-up with him in my arms (“Michael, let go of the comb, ok so, you have it and I’ll put on some mascara, Jesus where are all the teeth, have you eaten them, open your mouth, open your mouth, ow, don’t bite, stop it”). Daniel is now sucking peaceably on a wooden toy. “Daniel, honey, you’re the best boy”. I am rewarded by a beaming smile and an invitation to suck on his toy.

Meanwhile, a dressing drama is unfolding in the Princess’s bedroom.

Mr. Waffle: Tu mets tes vêtements!

Her: Non, je ne veux pas.

Mr. Waffle: Tes chaussettes vont sur tes oreilles.

Me: That’s right, your socks go on your ears.

Princess puts socks on her ears.

Her: J’ai une idée, peut-être ils vont sur mes pieds.

She puts on her socks and runs around the house clad only in socks until forcibly brought back to base.

Mr. Waffle (face becoming increasingly set): Princesse, mets tes vêtements.

Me (putting down Michael): Come here sweetheart.

Her (eluding my grasp and giggling hysterically): No, I don’t want.

Michael: Somebody put me down waah, waah.

Daniel: Would anybody like to suck on this excellent book?

Me: Don’t be cross with her.

Mr. Waffle: I have been up since 6.15, would it be too much to ask that I might get to work on time? (sets off in hot pursuit).

Mr. Waffle: Si tu mets pas tes vêtements, c’est le coin colère.

Princess howling hysterically and, with a great show of reluctance, puts on her clothes.

Mr. Waffle: Bravo, mets ton manteau.

Her: NON, je ne veux pas.

Me: Sweetheart, please put on your coat.

Her: NO. It’s not cold.

Me: Well, it is very mild for late October…

Mr. Waffle (eyeing me menacingly addresses the Princess): Tu mets ton manteau.

Grumbling the while, she does.

Mr. Waffle: Où est ton cartable?

Her: Je veux l’autre cartable.

Me: Sweetheart, what’s wrong with the green bag?

Her: I want the red one.

Me: But why?

Her: Because I don’t like the green one anymore.

While Mr. Waffle, snorting with indignation, takes Daniel to be changed, I put down Michael and move her school things from the green bag to the red bag.

Michael: Waah, waah, waah, I don’t know whether anyone has noticed but I’m sitting on the floor here.

Kisses all round and the Princess heads out the door all smiles accompanied by Mr. Waffle looking like thunder. I shut the door and sigh with relief.

During this recital to the pair of them over dinner they both laughed and Mr. Waffle said “will we try to be nicer to Mama in the morning?” and the Princess said with shining eyes “tell me it again, Mama”.