He came – after all these years. As I write one of the Dublin based children is still in bed, so possibly excitement levels are not what they once were. But look, it’s the thought that counts!
I guess it’s a long time since 2006.
Saint Nicolas
Family
For Those who have Died; a November Thought
Today is my Nana’s birthday. She never liked November much. Of course, when she was born in 1897, it wasn’t Christmas like it is now. Or, in fact, even when she died in 1984. I absolutely loved her and I loved when she came to visit. She only lived about 70kms away but it seemed like she lived on the moon. She came for lovely long visits and then we mightn’t see her for ages. I mean the roads weren’t as good as they are now but there was the train; still she had lots of grandchildren who were keen to see her and she had to divide herself up fairly, I suppose.
Anyway here we are on my first Communion; both looking quite pleased and I note the grass has been cut for the occasion to add extra glamour. My mother made my dress and had to wash it (as she frequently reminded me) three times on the day because I seem to have spent my time running around in it and falling over. Cissie who lived with us gave me the little mass book which I am pretty sure I still have somewhere. I remember her showing me how big the print was – a positive for some reason – and I pointed out that this was only at the consecration (I sometimes think I must have been unbearable) but I loved my little prayer book with its mother of pearl cover and I think she must have known that.
Revolutionary
When Mr. Waffle’s uncle K was a little boy he was taken by his father to see Dan Breen in hospital. They had been neighbours in Tipperary. Mr. Breen turned to young K and asked him what he would do, if he found an informer among his men. Young K was baffled by this and in the pause while he was collecting his thoughts, Mr. Breen sat up in the bed and said ferociously, “You’d plug him.” It made quite the impression on K, still a very peaceful soul.
If I don’t write this down here, who will ever know?
Anniversaries – November Thoughts
My father would have been 100 last March 25. Last March felt like a bit of a milestone as well because it was 5 years post the first Covid lock down. My father died on Christmas Day 2020 and those last nine months were made even grimmer by Covid. I think the very old and young people in education got the worst of Covid but it was no picnic for those in the middle either. It was pretty dreadful and I find few things more annoying than people who say, “Actually, I had a good Covid.” If it’s you, please stop it, but as Covid memories mercifully recede, it is something I am hearing more frequently and I don’t like it. Look, maybe you did have a good Covid (unlikely in my view, but I’ll allow it) but you must know lots of people didn’t and sharing this experience of yours is unlikely to make them feel better about that time. Anyway, here’s a thing about my father, he cycled all his life until he was well into his 80s – when cycling was unpopular and no grown ups cycled, he cycled, and now, partly inspired by his singular devotion to the convenience of the bicycle, I cycle every day too and I often think of him as I freewheel along.
My sister sent me flowers on our mother’s anniversary – what a nice thing. I think of my mother most days and what I really miss is her advice. Teenage me would be surprised. Also, she thought I was brilliant and was always on my side. And she was hilarious and practical and clever and I miss her very much.
Look, it’s almost the season (though I can 100% guarantee that picture was taken on Christmas Eve which was when our tree went up every year despite my pleas for an earlier date; as you can observe my pleas for a real tree were also in vain). And, speaking of practical, my mother made that dress I’m wearing though I am afraid I never liked it. Oh well.
Dispatches from a Bygone Age
I was at a barbecue over the summer (lashing rain) and over a burnt sausage the conversation turned to the word char. Some of the group had never heard of the word as referring to a char lady (etymology is from chore in case you’re curious).
By way of providing some background one friend told us that when she was a little girl in the 1970s she was sent to the Protestant brownies as her mother (a family planning doctor) had fallen out with the Catholic hierarchy. I know it’s different in other countries and even Northern Ireland but in the south Protestants are firmly upper middle class.* My friend was talking about the woman who minded them when her mother went out to work and one of the other 6 year olds said, “You have a maid?” Before she could answer a third six year old cut in and said witheringly “She has a char.”
When told this anecdote another friend explained to me that her grandmother had a maid and a “woman for the rough” the latter being a daily visitor but the former live in and above cleaning floors and the like.
A man about ten years older than me who I met at a party told me that when he went to visit his cousins in Cork, they left their shoes outside the door overnight to be polished.
Due to my father’s job, until I was 12 or so we lived in a large house with lovely Cissie who lived in and whom I adored (though I do remember my mother saying that you could always tell when she was in a bad mood as she you would hear her throwing the cutlery into the drawer with force something I may have brought with me into adult life). She did lots of things but she certainly didn’t polish our shoes every day. Among her many virtues was that she always bought me a comic when she came back from her day off (I think my parents thought comics were slightly pernicious so they never got me any). I digress.
It all seems from a very, very different world but still lots of people have help at home it just looks a bit different, more diffuse and generally more dependent on immigrant labour. I suppose things are better?
*When I was an apprentice solicitor in the early 90s, I had quite an annoying though sometimes charming fellow apprentice who used to say wistfully, that if he had any children he would perhaps bring them up Protestant. He would, at the drop of a hat, tell anyone who cared to listen that he had three Protestant grandparents; however due to the operation of ne temere (there’s a lot on Wikipedia at the link but basically it meant in an Irish context that the children of a mixed marriage – i.e. one between a Catholic and a Protestant- should be brought up Catholic), he was a Catholic. Now, who among us can say what is in another’s heart but I would be pretty surprised if his desire to convert was related to a full assessment of the theological merits of the question.
Updated to add: Good podcast on detectives and “the servant problem, if you are so inclined: https://www.shedunnitshow.com/theservantproblem/
The Month of the Dead: Life is not Ended but Changed
The priest appeared on the altar today resplendent in gold. “What feast is it?” I wondered to myself. All souls, of course. We prayed for all the dead relatives of whom, at my age, I now have more than enough. And I thought about our gardener when I was a child, Michael Lyons, who didn’t have any family of his own (in retrospect, surely he must have had but he was unmarried and lived in quite spartan conditions in a small cottage with a Jack Russell) and was one of the kindest people I have ever known, very gentle and infinitely patient with young children running in the vegetable garden. As Terry Pratchett once put it succinctly doubtless inspired by others “Do you not know that a man is not dead as long as his name is still spoken?” This is a lovely piece from the Irish Times on that very subject by the theatre director Garry Hynes which I first read when it was published in 2017 and which has really stayed with me.