Princess

Plague Diary – Part XIV

29 June, 2020
Posted in: Cork, Dublin, Family, Ireland, Middle Child, Mr. Waffle, Princess, Siblings, Travel, Twins, Youngest Child

Monday, June 15, 2020

My sister sent us a care package – gifts for all! It was very thrilling. She sent me a new pair of very expensive headphones and they are complex to use but, ultimately, I expect to get on top of it.

It was my mother’s anniversary and I was a bit sad but alright really.

My little niece in London was three and her mother assured us that she liked the books we sent. She herself wasn’t entirely prepared to commit herself.

I had written a letter to my friend in America a while ago and she rang me to thank me for it and we chatted and she asked whether we were still going on holidays to America this summer. We are not (â‚¬5,000 in flights which, I fear, we will never get back, so bitter – I may have covered this previously – at least we got our accommodation money back, I suppose). She asked whether we would like to go to their summer house in Kinsale in July as, for obvious reasons, they are not going themselves this year. I decided that yes, we would. We are still tussling over payment; she refuses to accept any, Mr. Waffle insists, we’re at stalemate. Anyway, we’re going which is great, it’s a lovely house in Sandycove outside the town with beautiful views and adjacent Cork city. Hurrah. In other news, she and her husband are doctors and were fearing the worst in Vermont but she said that, somewhat to her surprise, it’s been fine there. So good for them.

Mr. Waffle went out to visit his mother for the first time since March. Nursing home visits are re-starting very slowly. She seemed ok but it was all a bit strange he said. He swung by his parents’ house which his brother is in the process of cleaning out and picked up an old round table which he thought would be good for the kitchen here. When he got it home, he reconstructed it in the utility room and it wouldn’t fit through the door to the kitchen so, now it lives there.

Herself got a notification that she was a finalist in an essay competition and was pleased.

Dan and I cycled to the re-opened public tennis courts after work. Dan was nearly hit by a speeding car (traffic is not yet back to normal and cars out and about are pretty speedy). It was so close that I actually felt physically ill afterwards and really wasn’t in form to play tennis which was just as well as all the courts were full and there was a big queue of people waiting to get on. We could really do with some extra cycle lanes round here.

Tuesday, June 16, 2020

My sister sent me a bunch of flowers for Mum’s anniversary but they only arrived today due to a mix up. My mother loved to have flowers in the house and so do I. I felt a bit tearful which was strange because the day before had been fine but it was the thoughtfulness of the flowers that did for me. Needless to say, I had sent her nothing.

I put them on my home office desk.

My friend R who is now retired and puts in time in a charity shop in Ranelagh tells me that they have a complete set of the most recent version of the full Oxford English Dictionary (1989 apparently) in 20 volumes and unless someone buys it soon it’s going to be pulped. â‚¬300 or nearest offer, I understand. A bit tragic, but who has room for 20 volumes of dictionaries?

I showed Daniel a photograph of my bookclub and he said in surprise, “I had no idea that they were all so old.” Alas.

Herself finally went back to the orthodontist and he snapped off the piece of metal that has been gouging holes in the side of her mouth for the last three months. So a win on that front but she has been too assiduous in putting on her bands (apparently most people don’t follow direction and they allow for that, honestly) and now she has to undergo some other hellish process. Alas.

I overheard herself and Mr. Waffle speaking in the kitchen. She said, “Mum believes saints are everyone who goes to heaven and not just those identified by the church.” I called out from the other room, “And I’m right.” She said, “Well we’ll only really know if you’re right when we’re dead.” Hmm.

Today was Bloomsday. Having listened to the audio book earlier this year, I felt uniquely ready but it wasn’t really the year to show off my newly acquired knowledge.

Wednesday, 17 June, 2020

Mr. Waffle went into town and bought us a new magimix the old one having finally died after many years of faithful service. He said it was pretty weird in the shops.

My father was finally discharged from hospital so that evening after work, I drove to Cork to see him. I found packing strange after all these months of staying at home. I had a letter from my father’s GP saying he was pretty ill (to cover my travelling about 230kms beyond the permitted 20kms) but in the event, no one stopped me. It’s funny because you think everyone is out there living it up travelling all over the country but they’re not. There were hardly any cars on the Dublin-Cork road and most of the traffic was freight.

I arrived to Cork and helped my father to bed. I thought I could stay 2 metres away but that was completely unrealistic. He really needed help walking and getting in to bed and taking off his shoes (one of his big toes points up in the air, a side effect of stroke he told me, he knew what it’s called in Latin but I have forgotten) and I wasn’t really in a position to stand 2 metres away and say, “Good luck with that” as he keeled over. I did wear my mask though which was quite disastrous as he is very deaf and, at the best of times, finds it hard to hear. He was really quite unwell and a bit grumpy but it was very nice to see him all the same.

My brother (an enthusiastic cyclist) told me that he had cycled to Kinsale (about 30 kms away) on Tuesday. When he was just outside the town, his chain had broken. As he was walking along the side of the road, a friend of his from school passed, picked him up and gave him a lift back to Cork. I mean, what are the odds? Not sure whether it was entirely coronavirus compliant but what was he to do?

Thursday, June 18, 2020

I was jerked awake at regular intervals all night by Radio 4 which was on at top volume. I would drift off and then be woken up by a new voice on the radio. At 6 in the morning, I could stand it no longer and marched in to my father’s bedroom to turn it off. I forgot to wear my mask. He was delighted to see me as I could help him get up. I refused on the grounds that it was much too early. He accepted this but as I was leaving asked me to turn on the radio again. Largely a defeat then.

Later, I helped him up and, after giving him breakfast, ensconced my father in his armchair downstairs. I set up my home office in the dining room and he asked me to leave the door open into the drawing room. “I like to hear the voices.” “Of course,” I said. I was summoned at regular intervals to do things – find glasses, find tissues, find his wallet. I was also quite busy at work and I had a whole new appreciation of what my brother and sister in Cork have to deal with.

I particularly enjoyed the moment when I was having a meeting and he summoned me. “I told you I was in a meeting, Dad,” I said grumpily. “But I didn’t hear you talking,” said he, utterly unfazed.

At lunch time I went into the market in Cork to buy the wherewithal for my favourite ham sandwich. It felt pretty much like usual, maybe a bit emptier and there was someone regulating the flow of people in and out, and a lot more perspex than previously.

In the late afternoon, I persuaded my father to have a ham sandwich too. “He won’t have dinner now,” said my brother gloomily. I was amazed but my brother turned out to be quite right. My poor father, he has got so thin and frail. This is 95, I suppose. Good ham sandwich though.

That evening the internet went down. I rejoiced because my father was unable to listen to his internet radio. I am sorry but there it is.

Friday, June 19, 2020

I worked away until early afternoon and then took my half day. My morning was interrupted by regular requests from my father next door. My favourite being when I was on to a colleague asking about some work she was doing and he summoned me. I said I’d call her back and went in to him, “Is that someone who works for you?” he asked. “Yes,” I said. “Should you not be more formal and firm?” he asked. “What do you mean?” I said. He said, “I heard you ask whether she had holiday plans.” Dear God in heaven. “I thought it was an emergency,” I said grumpily, “you’re like the boy who cried wolf.” “Well,” said my father, “he was right once.” Later, I was on to another colleague and she said, “Anne, sorry but is that ‘The Archers’ playing very loudly in the background?” This working from home lark can be a bit of a strain.

I spent some time talking to my father about family history. The only new piece of information he gave me was that his father had been called, “Copper”. His father died when my father was 10 and he had no idea why he had this nickname. He had just overheard someone point him out as “Copper’s son”. A mystery.

I visited my 90 year old aunt in the afternoon, mask at the ready. She was not keen on the mask. “Are you worried about getting coronavirus?” she asked. “No, I’m worried about giving it to you.” She was unconvinced and persisted in trying to get me to take off my mask. I resisted. I wished her a happy birthday for the following day when she would turn 91. “It’s a great age,” she said happily (she’s in such good nick), “although your father is 95 and he was always delicate as a child.” Just goes to show. “Do you have any idea why your father was nicknamed ‘Copper’?” I asked her. “Yes, he had red hair.” I mean who knew? There’s a mystery resolved for my father after many years.

There were some extra bikes in the shed in Cork, not as healthy as they might be but my sister encouraged me to take them back to Dublin with me for repair and passing on to the boys as as they are far too big for their own bikes.

I said farewell to my elderly relatives really, really glad I had seen them and hopeful that I had not infected them coming as I did from plague infested Leinster. My sister and I went for a short walk and then I hopped into the car to go home.

I was welcomed at home with the kind of enthusiasm I thought was gone for ever. The kind of enthusiasm that small children have for their parents. They all ran into the hall to hug me. Very gratifying. The shed in Dublin is now bike central.

I was home just in time for cinema night, we had been told that we would move to Phase 3 on June 29. I’m getting a bit confused about what phase involves what and when they begin and end but rejoicing etc. and good news that real GAA training begins July 1. We had “I, Tonya” for cinema night and it was very good but something lighthearted would be welcome.

Saturday, June 20, 2020

My sister rang me to tell me that my father fell over soon after I left the house in Cork. He seems to be ok but a bit shaken. I wouldn’t really call it a great omen.

My aunt’s 91st birthday; I got her a subscription to Slightly Foxed. Let us hope that she likes it and remembers that I am the donor.

Daniel and I had zoom GAA. He did his reps, I did the zooming. We are old hands at this stage. Mr. Waffle has done some kind of online training for GAA parents to ensure they understand social distancing for the return to real training.

I got a notification from my Sunday afternoon bookclub that our hostess was considering a real live meeting on July 16. I was filled with delight.

As well as the bikes, I took from Cork my mother’s toasted sandwich maker bought in Brittany about 40 years ago. It has served us faithfully since but they don’t use it much in Cork any more so I asked to bring it to Dublin. Still an excellent piece of kit. Behold the toasted egg sandwich; our own invention.

Herself went out to a friend’s house. The portrait of the children arrived. I still don’t love it. Alas. Oh well. It started to feel like life was really getting back to normal.

Sunday, June 21, 2020

It was actual Father’s Day. The children made cards for their father but actual presents after the previous weekend’s efforts were thin on the ground. He didn’t seem to mind. It was the longest day of the year. The weather was beautiful. We went out to Howth. The traffic was bumper to bumper but we got there eventually. I made them listen to Bagatelle in the car because I am determined to pass on my irremediably uncool musical tastes to my children. We swam in the sea (well, three of us did, Michael and Mr. Waffle resisted) and it was a lovely, lovely afternoon.

Monday, June 22, 2020

Busy day at work again. Herself went to a party that evening for her friend’s 18th. Five people only she assured me but I felt a bit unsure whether this was a good idea although within the rules. I had my Monday night bookclub via zoom and suggested tentatively that our next meeting might be in the flesh but this was vetoed. I felt a bit chastened.

Tuesday, June 23, 2020

Yet another trying day at work. Daniel went out to play basketball with a friend which he really enjoyed. It feels like maybe the beginning of the end.

We spent all dinner talking about flags of the world. I am not a flag fan. They children all know a lot about flags. I blame their father.

Mr. Waffle and I looked at holiday homes in Ireland for August. There are none.

Mr. Waffle bought a book from a German academic publisher. They love their titles.

Wednesday, June 24, 2020

Yet another immensely trying day in the salt mines. It may be for this reason that I ate them all at lunch time because the dish washer had not been unloaded and reloaded. This is the children’s task and it is pretty much constant.

Daniel had his last Wednesday night zoom training. We rejoice.

Thursday, June 25, 2020

After my grumpiness the previous day, Daniel was up at 9 unloading the dishwasher. I felt a bit guilty but, you know, pleased that the dishwasher was unloaded.

Saintly Mr. Waffle has spent the week wrestling with the children’s online school book purchasing website. He finally got past the impressive obstacles put in his way and next year’s school books have been bought.

Daniel made us all pizza for dinner and we had it in the garden as the weather was fine and it all felt festive and holiday like and after dinner we played cards which was fun too. It was a nice evening towards the end of a tough week.

Friday, June 26, 2020

I talked to my Cork friend in Brussels by video call. A big corona virus dividend the video calling with friends abroad.

The children had their second last zoom call with their French language tutor who has been coming live from Paris twice a week – we promised it would finish end June so next Tuesday is the absolute last day. I think both they and the tutor really welcome this but it has worked pretty well.

Later, I went into town with herself to pick up an elaborate breakfast we had ordered which we planned to serve the following day.

We went to the bread shop to get bread but they were sold out. However, they gave herself a free bun so not a dead loss.

Mr. Waffle made sourdough bread but it was…unsuccessful. One of our lessons of lock down may be that home made sourdough is not for us.

Meanwhile Daniel had a first piano lesson with a neighbour up the road. His uncle who is a very good piano player has a keyboard he can lend him and he can practice on that. He’s quite excited. Please let us not speak of the reasons we do not have a piano.

After the success of the previous evening, I decided we would eat out again and stuck some burgers on the barbecue and dispatched herself and Mr. Waffle to the vegan chipper nearby for some suitable treats. By the time they came back, it was lashing and we had to cart everything back in again. Alas.

All the details of what phase 3 would involve were published, it feels like almost back to normal though not quite.

The Greens agreed to go into government and we finally have a new government after months of negotiations. V excitingly we have a Cork Taoiseach for the first time since 1979. Some mild local colour at the link for Cork enthusiasts.

Herself had a zoom session to hear whether she had won the essay competition but, alas, she had not. Oh well, she gets a goodie bag for being a finalist so there’s that.

After a day of many excitements, we sat down to watch “The Blues Brothers” for cinema night. Cast of thousands. V. successful.

Saturday, 27 June, 2020

I was so grumpy. Inexplicably so. I think perhaps it’s because we’re entering a new phase of what the French call “dÃ©confinement” and I’m not quite sure what comes next.

Herself put together our breakfast and it was excellent.

I went out and picked rubbish with the neighbours for an hour or so. The grabber I got for my birthday (still a weird present choice) proved very useful. It lashed on us. Middle aged delights.

My saintly husband felt I might need to get out, so we cycled into town and then signed up for the new electric bike hire service. We picked up a couple of bikes and whizzed around the city centre delighted with ourselves. Not as good on the uphill as we might have hoped and a bit expensive but pretty good fun all the same. And then we had takeaway tea and a bun outside. Food served and made by someone else. The excitement. Also, some cygnets in Stephen’s Green.

My sister told me that Cork local radio has nothing on but profiles of the new Taoiseach. When I was in Cork, I asked my father if he had ever met the last Cork Taoiseach, Jack Lynch. Apparently once on the train shortly after Jack Lynch became Taoiseach and he walked up and down the train shaking hands with all the passengers.

Sunday, 28 June, 2020

As we get ready to move into phase 3, it really feels like the end of an era. I know colleagues with small children can send them back to childcare on Monday and I think it’s going to make things a lot easier though I expect that there will be a side order of guilt with that.

It was a breezy, blustery day and, aside from a short walk outside, it feels like Mr. Waffle and I spent all day looking for holiday accommodation in Ireland. There is almost none. We have one week in August booked. This does not much of a holiday make, I have to tell you. More searching to follow.

And tomorrow, I’m in to the office in town for the first time since the end of March. It feels so strange. I won’t be going back every day from now on but much more regularly, I imagine.

And next week, my menfolk are finally getting their hair cut.

And there’s a second Cork Taoiseach – here he is having a walk around in his constituency. There are definitely some people in the crowd who are not of his political persuasion but, a Cork Taoiseach is a Cork Taoiseach.

Probably a good moment to end the plague diary for the moment.

Do you feel that it’s over or is this only the calm before the second storm?

Plague Diary – Part XIII

14 June, 2020
Posted in: Dublin, Ireland, Middle Child, Mr. Waffle, Princess, Siblings, Twins, Youngest Child

Friday, June 5, 2020

It was a bit showery again. The government said that on Monday we will be moving to level 2+. The plus is new. Apparently from Monday you will be able to drive 20kms from where you are and anywhere within your own county. As someone from the largest county in Ireland who now lives in one of the smallest, I am, understandably, bitter. I mean, a radius of 20 kms from where I am would almost let me travel the whole of Co. Dublin anyhow whereas in Cork, you could go from Allihies to Youghal which, in case you’re curious, is 178 kms.

Also, Mr. Waffle’s mother’s nursing home is allowing outdoor visits so we can go and visit next week. And the shops are re-opening.

I made my first Lidl middle aisle purchase earlier in the week – the new Artemis Fowl book. The children are a bit old for it now but Daniel read it with some enthusiasm and finished it off today. All three of them reminisced fondly about reading Artemis Fowl on the Nintendo when they were younger. On the Nintendo? Apparently it was a thing. They said that the font was in huge comic sans and you could only get about two lines per screen but they liked it. I’m surprised it appealed when Super Mario was available and I don’t know what possessed us to buy it when we had the actual books but it must have seemed a good idea at the time.

For cinema night, Mr. Waffle picked Erin Brockovich which I haven’t seen since it came out about 20 years ago but which held up reasonably well. Still not as good as Catch Me, If You Can which remains the family favourite.

All hell broke loose on the neighbourhood whatsapp group about the proposed trial bollards at the end of the road. Needless to say, I am all in favour (it would make our road a cul de sac and prioritise walking and cycling) but it turns out that at least two households are very much not in favour. Our road is rather richer in legal professionals than is strictly required and my favourite intervention of the night was, “That is a partial argument, with respect.” Cravenly, I ranged myself with the silent majority and said nothing. I’ve already signed the petition.

Saturday, June 6, 2020

Up with the lark for Daniel’s GAA training. The coach says they won’t be able to train together until after June 29 and no matches for the foreseeable. Another 1,000 reps.

Our friend who lives in the Netherlands rang for a chat. Her eldest finished school this year – it made me feel very old to hear that he has finished school, I remember when he was a baby. No exams for him due to Corona virus but he’s off to college in Leiden in the autumn. Mostly online apparently but some on site lab work. How strange this all is.

Herself got her English exam back and was quite pleased with the kind words from her teacher. She continues to hate Paul Durcan though.

The internet appeared to have died pretty definitively; in a fit of desperation, Michael managed to revive it. A miracle. A new modem is to be supplied to us all the same. The children may die of boredom. And it’s raining out.

I have to say I felt something close to despair at the endless unvarying repetitiveness of it all.

The lock on back door (the fancy bi-fold door that the builder warned us would be nothing but trouble) broke and the people who sold it to us weren’t at all sure when they would be able to send someone out to repair it.

Sunday, June 7, 2020

An all round grumpy day. Nothing to report other than that the cleaning rota is still with us and we all hate it.

Monday, June 8, 2020

I was woken at 3 in the morning by an unexpected noise and instantly began compiling a list of stealable items in the house: 5 mobile phones; 4 laptops; three tablets; 2 wifi boosters and a partridge in a pear tree. It was not burglars taking advantage of our unlockable back door. Not sure what it was; rat party perhaps?

Last week there were window cleaners next door and I asked them could they do ours as well. They turned up somewhat unexpectedly but I was delighted to see them and they did an amazing job. I had no idea that clean windows could be quite so thrilling.

The council have confirmed that we are having trial bollards installed at the end of the month. I am delighted. Mr. “That is a partial argument, with respect” left the neighbourhood Whatsapp group where everyone piled in congratulating the residents’ committee on their achievement. He may feel that he is not amongst kindred spirits. If you’re good, I might post a picture of the bollards when they go in. Yes, indeed, this is the kind of knuckle whitening ride that I am willing to bring you on.

Enthused by the successes of the day – window cleaning, bollard installing – I cut back a tree in the back garden which has been driving me crazy.

Tuesday, June 9, 2020

Herself went to the park to meet a friend.

After I’d finished work for the day, Mr. Waffle and I went for a walk. We saw a swan and six cygnets which was delightful but you’ll have to take my word for it as I left my phone with camera at home.

One of our neighbours asked for an old golf ball on the whatsapp group. We met her on our walk and asked what on earth she wanted a golf ball for. Apparently, one of her hens is pecking her own eggs and it will make her stop. I’d say it might. Today is bird information day.

Wednesday, June 10, 2020

I was summoned from sleep good and early by Daniel who brought the unlovely tidings that the cat had been sick on his bed.

I’m a bit baffled about the various lock down rules and phases at this stage. We’ve thrown out the original thing we stuck up on the radiator and put up a new one describing the current phase.

Herself went into town to meet a friend. The boys’ year end reports came. They were relatively pleased. Herself was furious that there was no sign of hers and that the school uniform is to undergo changes of which she disapproves.

The man came to install the new modem. He disabled the current one for a good half hour leaving me to drop out of one meeting and have to dial in via phone to the next one. Then he said the modem was fine which it is not. Our neighbours seem to have excellent broadband and I decided we would go with their supplier. They have both vodafone and eircom so that they have cover as they both inevitably go down about an hour a day each. This seems a bit extravagant to me but I am slightly tempted.

Daniel and Michael made pizza for dinner and it was excellent.

Thursday, 11 June 2020

A batch of online shopping arrived for me and I was pretty pleased. I discovered that I had, accidentally, bought myself the exact same trousers I have already but, look, I know that I like them.

My sister called to say that my father was getting out of hospital on Friday and I mentally prepped myself for my first trip to Cork since March.

We went out to the cousins’ house to pick up a guitar which we had bought online and had to be collected from within 5kms of them but beyond 5km of us, if you see what I mean. We could just have waited and picked it up ourselves rather than letting it sit in their house for a couple of weeks but it seemed like a good idea at the time.

We had intended to have a walk by the seaside but it was lashing rain so we went to their house. And then we stayed for take away. And now I think that having not seen anyone for months, I have put myself at risk of infection just as I’m about to go and see my father – my nephew had spent the day on a sailing course but in a boat on his own so, ok, I guess? But it was so nice to see them and get out of the house. With other people around, I suddenly became conscious of how much we have just seen our own immediate family. Also, Michael was delighted to get his guitar.

Mr. Waffle sent this picture around the family whatsapp group with the message – “This is depressing.” What on earth will we get him for father’s day?

Friday, June 12, 2020

The hospital aren’t going to release my father after all. Maybe tomorrow. I am on tenterhooks.

The man came to repair the bi-fold door. Apparently they are quite sensitive to heat. Great. Repair was free though so there’s that.

Mr. Waffle and I went out to walk in Howth in the rain. Not as unpleasant as you might suppose. The traffic was appalling on the way there so we seem to be more or less back to normal in that regard.

I chose “Contagion” for movie night which was, to be honest, a bit close to home. We were all familiar with R 0 and social distancing, thanks very much. It’s quite impressive how much the film got right but we all know now that 4 months for a vaccine is much, much too short.

Saturday, June 13, 2020

The hospital are not letting my father out until Monday at the earliest. He has a chest infection and is on IV antibiotics. He’s pretty grumpy as well, I can tell you. I rang to talk to him but he said, “Dear, if all the news you have is emm, emm, then perhaps we should hang up.” It’s just hard to come up with news at the moment is all I would say. I can tell that he’s looking forward to my visit.

Mr. Waffle bought me flowers which was pleasing.

Herself went to a friend’s house for lunch and the rest of us went for a walk by the sea in Portrane which Mr. Waffle and I last did on my birthday on March 10. There’s a lot of water under the bridge since then. Beautiful weather and lots of people in swimming in stark contrast to Howth only the previous day.

We had our last zoom quiz of this pandemic season (suspended on the basis that we can now meet outdoor and indoors in limited numbers) and, finishing on a high note, Mr. Waffle and I won.

Sunday, June 14, 2020 – Father’s Day

Alerted as I was to the presence of Father’s Day by Mr. Waffle’s message to the family whatsapp group, I ordered an online afternoon tea (heavy on seafood) from Cliff House. I was therefore not even slightly delighted when I went downstairs and wished him a happy father’s day and he said, “Is it today? I thought it was next weekend.” People, it is next weekend. But my order came and we had afternoon tea all the same and, in fairness, I have to say it was absolutely delicious though complex assembly required. Highly recommended. I may never eat again. Photo below leaves out lobster bisque (meringues, strawberries, raspberries and cream model’s own).

How did you enjoy father’s day yourself?

Plague Diary – Part XII

5 June, 2020
Posted in: Dublin, Ireland, Middle Child, Mr. Waffle, Princess, Twins, Work, Youngest Child

Monday, May 25, 2020

We have no real engagements in our private life any more. This is what the family google calendar looks like now.

We contacted the orthodontist (herself is still miserable with the snapped brace) and she has an appointment for mid-June so that’s something I suppose.

I rang the council to ask about the tennis courts and spoke to a very nice man who said he was only a lowly functionary but the “higher ups” were concerned as council courts and golf clubs couldn’t reopen as, unlike private clubs, they couldn’t guarantee the disinfectant and social distancing required. At least I know why now. I enjoyed the frank exposition of the position which makes sense, I suppose but it does seem a pity. I might see whether I can rejoin the tennis club if this goes on much longer.

Herself continued her examinations. Her maths teacher, in what can only be called an excess of dedication/sadistic exercise, set each child a different paper based on his or her weaknesses. I understand it was in part due to a desire to limit opportunities for, ahem, teamwork. She said it was alright.

Daniel and Michael cycled into school to pick up their stuff from their lockers. We’re a bit unclear about what they are going to do now that they are on holidays and don’t want them to spend every waking hour online. In a non-synchronised effort which could have done with a little more preparation, I told them that they couldn’t play on any electronic devices in the afternoon and Mr. Waffle told them no devices in the morning. The difficulty only emerged at lunch time and we were merciful and let them on devices in the afternoon. What are we going to do all summer?

I had my online book club in the evening and work proceeded on the jigsaw.

No corona virus deaths announced today which must surely be a good sign. I feel filled with, perhaps unwarranted, optimism.

Tuesday, May 26, 2020

I got a mystery bill (by letter) for â‚¬2.14 from UPS. I have never had an account with them as far as I know. But it seems an odd amount to try to scam from me. I have sent them an email querying it but I am half inclined to pay it as I am weak and feeble and it is only â‚¬2.14.

Herself had her German exam which she said was fine. “Fine” is possibly the most overused word in describing school work and exams to parents. She is busy editing an online quarantine magazine put together with her friends.

The boys are at a bit of a loose end. Related: we finished another jigsaw.

Wednesday, May 27, 2020

Mr. Waffle made sourdough. While it rose a bit more than previous attempts, I am afraid it cannot be called a complete success. Sourdough is a cruel mistress. He also bought croissants for breakfast. Complete success there.

The fine weather broke. The grass was looking a bit brown and sorry for us and Dublin water supplies were, as ever, on a knife edge, so for the best.

Herself had her applied maths exam. It was hard going. She informed us dolefully that the teacher had said there would be some easy questions and some hard ones and she couldn’t tell which were which. Oh dear.

With the return of outdoor workers, we got a man in to fix the basket ball hoop. Rejoicing.

The cat was going crazy this morning trying to get into the oven. File footage of the cat going crazy:

We ignored it as best we might looking nervously at the unremovable fitted kitchen which surrounded the oven.

I missed lunch due to work issues. Bitter.

At about 5.15 as I was toiling over a hot laptop, I heard a commotion outside. Daniel had kicked a ball through the shed window and the basketball into the next door neighbour’s garden. I texted the neighbours who dutifully tossed back the ball; Michael and I went to sweep up the glass in the shed while Daniel had a restorative bowl of cereal (recovering from the shock of it not being a catastrophic pane of glass to break – level of parental ire: mild).

When I got back to the kitchen, Daniel was pointing at the oven in horror, “There’s a noise, behind the oven.” There was, kind of a fluttery sound, could it be a bird? The unit around the oven is sealed and although there is a small hole at the top, how could a bird have got in? Mr. Waffle said bracingly that it probably flew in the back door but Occam’s razor suggests that it was not a bird that had got in there but something much more sinister.

Aside here on rats and mice. A colleague told me he was bringing up tea to his wife on Saturday morning and thought he saw movement in the bed while she was in the bathroom but said nothing. When she got back into bed, she thought she felt a mild muscle spasm in her leg but didn’t investigate. When she got up to make the bed she found a small dead mouse in the bed. Great unhappiness. The working theory is that she squashed it when she got back into bed. Then another friend of mine had rats under the decking (classic) and called in Rentokil. They told her that, with the lock down, restaurants were largely closed and not only was the usual food supply not there but in normal times restaurants are constantly putting down poison to ensure that vermin are rigorously excluded from their premises but, obviously, not now. So there’s an uptick in rats etc. Good news.

Anyhow, there were myself and Daniel staring horror struck at the oven when Mr. Waffle arrived in to say that Daniel had a zoom training session at 5.30. I undertook to do training, if he would deal with the noise. I did training. Daniel did 800 reps in 45 minutes. I didn’t even know what a rep was before this (it’s one exercise, like a push up or whatever). Those teenage GAA players are the fittest people you will ever meet. Did Mr. Waffle get out our (best case scenario) trapped bird? He did not. I finished work. We went for a long walk. When we came back we heard a scrabbling noise behind the oven. I mean now we appeared to be moving to best case scenario dead bird behind the cooker. My sister suggested we might sprinkle lime behind the cooker. Dear God. I think we might have to get the basketball hoop handyman back to extract the oven and peer behind.

After dinner herself went to her room to recover from the undoubted traumas of the day. Mr. Waffle, the boys and I played an extremely competitive variant of happy families.

Thursday, May 28, 2020

I woke up at 3 in the morning with a sore finger from where I got a thorn in it at the weekend. Early start to the day with a tweezers and needle. Not recommended.

The cat was indifferent to the oven. There were no more noises. Mr. Waffle is inclined to ignore the problems, sweep them behind the oven, if you will but I continue to be…concerned. Herself, who sleeps over the kitchen, announced that she heard a fluttering noise under her floorboards overnight.

The boys made lunch and herself made dinner. I began to realise that just because I now work at the desk where previously I sat to do domestic admin does not mean that I can complete all of my domestic admin and my work admin in the space of the working day notwithstanding the fact that I am now have no commuting time. I am also increasingly realising that talking to people at work about non-work things helps work to work and it is hard to replace with video conferencing.

Friday, May 29, 2020

Rejoice for the bank holiday weekend and glorious weather. We got a nice bread delivery. It was the last day of school and exams for herself and she celebrated by going for a picnic with friends in the park. She hasn’t been sunburnt for years as she is assiduous about covering herself up and putting on suncream but she missed a large swathe of her back and was burnt to a frazzle.

The boys were also enjoying their new found freedom to meet friends on a socially distanced basis outside and met friends in the park for what they assure me was a very successful dungeons and dragons session.

Mr. Waffle and I went for a middle aged but delightful stroll around the botanic gardens.

We had a barbecue for dinner and afterwards had “Seven Psychopaths” for our Friday evening film. I wouldn’t have chosen it myself but not bad. Colin Farrell was excellent. Half way through, one of the children said, “Hang on, is he Irish?” Yes, my cherubim, he is.

Daniel said excitedly that it had been his busiest day since lock down started : French class in the morning (still ongoing despite protests), Dungeons and Dragons in the afternoon and barbecue and film in the evening. The poor child.

Saturday, 30 May, 2020

I was up bright and early to film Dan for his GAA zoom training session. I picked all my peonies as peonies are not consistent with GAA training.

Mr. Waffle and I cycled to the village 5 kms away which I used to find utterly charming and delightful but now is palling slightly.

Cow parsley was growing in great profusion along the river banks. I find myself in some difficulty with cow parsley. In the interior design focussed, occasionally twee and whimsical, corner of instagram I now inhabit (having abandoned twitter as too vicious), people love cow parsley, my God, they love it. Now my mother was a farmer’s daughter, my grandfather and uncle were farmers and a number of my cousins are farmers. I will tell you this, farmers are not taken with cow parsley, they do not see its interior decorating charm and we grew up being told it smelled of cow urine. I can’t say whether this is accurate as, being a city girl myself, my experience of cows is not extensive, but yet, I cannot love cow parsley and pick it in great photogenic armfuls to sit in my bike basket. Too many of my relatives, alive and dead, would snigger at me. Maybe next year.

We dutifully hosted the online quiz which we won last week. It’s more fun guessing than asking the questions. I did enjoy reading the quotes for the poetry round though.

Sunday, May 31, 2020

I got up late which is something I really quite enjoy and don’t get to do very often. We dutifully completed the cleaning rota now in its tenth week (sigh). I had my Sunday book club (not to be confused with my Monday book club) which I hadn’t had for four weeks. We are hoping for a real, non-virtual one in July. Do I indulge optimism too far?

We cycled to the seaside and had chips on the seafront as a bank holiday treat. I’ve had worse. Herself announced, “I have yet again inadvertently swallowed an elastic.” Upon observing tactless laughter, she added bitterly, “Oh yes, serving up orthodontic humour since 2018.”

My father went back into hospital (small private not large acute, but still unsatisfactory). I feel strong regret that I did not drive down to Cork to see him while he was at home. There is zero chance they will let me in to the hospital. As soon as he gets out, I will hotfoot it to Cork with my letter from his GP saying he is very sick and hope to be let through by the Guards. My father’s alright, I think, as in not going to die immediately, but frail and 95 and in hospital so not, you know, great.

Monday, June 1, 2020

I brought out the paddling pool. Mr. Waffle mocked me but we all ended up paddling, so there. We spent all day in the back garden in glorious sunshine. Herself went to meet friends for a picnic in the botanic gardens. She made cake.

Mr. Waffle said that he liked how our lives are less frantic at the moment. I know what he means a bit. We were always squeezing things in and running to training or to meetings (residents’ committee, parents’ committee, you name it) after work but I don’t quite see how we will preserve this post lock down.

Back off on my bicycle to the village 5 km away. Honestly, I’m beginning to think it will be too soon, if I never go there again.

Tuesday, June 2, 2020

This was my first day off work in the new dispensation. I struggled a little bit to know what to do with a day’s holiday. It was a beautiul day but I didn’t quite know what might be different or novel or a treat. I felt the boys needed a bit of exercise so we cycled to the botanic gardens again. They were less than entranced.

It was warm and sunny and not bad but just a bit…repetitive. My day’s triumph was making homemade lemonade which was very nice indeed. We take our thrills where we can.

Wednesday, June 3, 2020

I paid for my day off and was pretty busy at work. I am sick of video conference calls. My sister, who has worked for large multinational companies since leaving college, has been managing remote teams for years and I sense that she is mildly smug as the rest of us struggle with the new dispensation.

My father has been diagnosed with a new illness to add to the long list he has already. As my sister says, it’s chronic which means you can have it for a long time, but still, not maybe a great sign. No word on when he will be let out of hospital.

Daniel had training at 5.30. I have been doing the zooming with him but a work crisis meant I was chained to my laptop so Mr. Waffle took over. Daniel deemed him unsatisfactory: he did not explain the exercises; he failed to count Daniel’s reps (hark at me); he kept saying Daniel should give up if he was tired (Mr. Waffle does not have the same puritanical streak as me); and, worst of all, his phone ran out of battery ten minutes before the end and herself had to be deployed to put an extension lead out the utility room window. Unfortunately, there’s a bit of a knack to the window and herself hasn’t got it so that led to further delay and unhappiness. I have a friend who says that when people say that “there’s a bit of a knack to it” they really just mean, “it’s broken”. This is, arguably, true.

At the start of the lockdown, I commissioned an artist whose stuff I had seen on instagram to paint a portrait of the children. It seemed like a nice thing to do. I sent her loads of photos of the kids so even though she couldn’t see them, she knew what they looked like and she felt it would work ok. Yesterday she sent me a picture of the picture which I will be picking up next week. When I signed the contract with her it provided that she retained the copyright (standard, apparently) and I was sad but now that I have seen it, I will never want to show it anywhere, so that’s ok. I’m not quite sure what went wrong. I saw her other stuff and liked it. But this picture, oh dear. Actually Daniel is ok but Michael looks manic and, as my sister said, herself looks ok but just 30 years older than she actually is. Alas, an expensive and ultimately unsatisfactory experiment. Look, at least I will be spared framing costs. And on the plus side my (not at all expensive when compared to the cost of commissioning a picture) new oven gloves from Marimekko arrived and I love them. I got a pair previously as a present and I can really recommend them: stylish yet practical. It has come to this.

Thursday, June 4, 2020

Another busy day in the salt mines. Herself made an extraordinarily elaborate dinner which was very nice on two counts: firstly, it was very nice and, secondly, I didn’t have to cook it. She was chopping and dicing from lunchtime onwards.

She called it East, East, East, East fusion: gyoza from Japan, spring rolls from China, saffron rice and carmelised lettuce from, maybe, Iran (I forget) and vereniki from Eastern Europe (generally rather than a specific local recipe). As Mr. Waffle said, “At least we won’t have to worry that she won’t be able to feed herself when she leaves home.” There was lemon sorbet and raspberry sorbet with chocolate sauce for dessert but I haven’t got any pictures.

My brother has a new job in Dublin. Theoretically at least. He won’t actually be let into his new office until autumn at the earliest, I’d say so he’ll be based in Cork for a while yet. He is pleased. We are pleased that he will be in Dublin. I’m a bit worried about my sister alone in Cork minding elderly relatives but she seemed sanguine when I spoke to her.

Also, it’s been a week since the fluttery noise. No update. Ominous.

Plague Diary – Part XI

25 May, 2020
Posted in: Belgium, Dublin, Ireland, Middle Child, Mr. Waffle, Princess, Twins, Youngest Child

Sunday, May 17, 2020

A quiet day. We have broken out the jigsaws at last.

Cleaning rota was implemented as usual. I still feel astonished that this is working some seven weeks in.

Mr. Waffle and I went walking around our area again. We went to a depressed, miserable estate. It’s only a stone’s throw from the very nice estate we walked around last week. The houses are also Victorian and bigger (three stories rather than two) but it is not a pleasant spot. One of the houses is boarded up. The front gardens are unloved and there are no trees or other greenery on the street. Many of the houses are divided into grotty looking flats and bedsits. It’s a mystery why this should be so unattractive and the other estate so nice. It’s also off the main road and, obviously, adjacent to all the same amenities and the houses are bigger so, presumably, better for families but yet, it looks like it’s had almost a century of neglect whereas the neighbouring estate looks like it has had a century of love and affection and you can really tell the difference.

I retired to my bed at 8 in the evening with a nasty headache. Poor me.

Monday, May 18, 2020

I woke up completely recovered. We were all up at the crack of dawn as the boys are doing online exams this week.

My father called me which was exciting. Sadly, he couldn’t hear me at all. It made me so sad. I think he is really lonely and bored and, to be honest, quite unwell and I am afraid that he is going to keel over before I have a chance to talk to him properly again. I don’t know whether to go and visit or not. I mean, it would be just great if I came from Covid ridden Leinster and gave it to my father in Cork. There is absolutely no point in my going and waving from outside the window as he wouldn’t be able to see and hear me. I need to be a metre from him and bellowing to have a conversation.

Herself got a lovely message from her German teacher which perked her up; she’s recorded a video for her project work and the German teacher liked it which was good because she put in an awful lot of work on it. The boys had Irish and maths exams online this morning. Daniel found maths easy and Irish hard and Michael the reverse. A suggestion that they might compare their answers and learn from each other was met with a distinct absence of enthusiasm.

We were going to meet friends for a walk this evening to celebrate the beginning of phase 1 of the end of lock down (up to four people from different households can meet outside maintaining social distancing) but the weather is inclement and we’ve deferred it to tomorrow.

I had my online bookclub and we were a slightly gloomy group. The novelty has truly worn off. Still, things are improving. Slowly.

I stayed up until all hours on my phone. A slight regression caused by not putting it safely in the hall before dinner and ignoring it for the remainder of the evening. I am largely on the wagon again but this was a lapse. Alas.

Tuesday, May 19, 2020

All the climbing roses around the front door have come out and when you step out there is a beautiful smell of roses which I don’t think I ever noticed before [insert your own jaded thoughts about slowing down and smelling the flowers here].

Daniel’s year head got in touch with me to tell me that he had not submitted his maths test from yesterday. When he finished his morning’s testing, I enquired. He had failed to press send on the google form but, happily, he had his rough work and was able to re-submit.

Herself went into school to empty her locker on a socially distanced timetable.

After work, Mr. Waffle and I met friends for a sunny and socially distanced walk. It was really lovely. In person is 1000 times better than by vc.

Having cast my phone from me early in the evening, I dutifully went early to bed and felt smugly virtuous.

Wednesday, May 20, 2020

I was up at the crack of dawn (8.00) to go to our local hipster cafe for take away fancy bread for breakfast. It was, disappointingly, only alright.

The boys continued their online exams. Some seem very speedy and easy with 20/30 multiple choice questions but some are hard and long (history, for example). They finished their 2 hour science exam in about half an hour and assured me they had checked their answers twice so I sent them off to the local courts for a game of tennis. However, despite tennis courts and golf clubs having reopened on Monday, it appears public courts are not. Alas.

I got a parcel from a lovely shop in Leap which I saw referred to on instagram. The parcel was satisfactory – candles and writing paper (neither of which I would call a need, as such but definitely nice to have) – and I will give them a plug here for all your nice things needs (no free goods were given in exchange for this post, regrettably). The shop is called the Old Mill Stores and I desperately want their laundry thing that you hang from the ceiling. Our utility room ceiling is the old scullery and the ceiling slopes. I emailed to ask whether they thought it would work. They replied with commendable speed and said that they thought yes but I should check with a local handyman perhaps. Mr. Waffle who, you will recall, has established his temporary office in the utility room was a bit unsure about having a cast iron structure above his head. Particularly if it were installed by either of us. The Princess has taken to calling the device “the widow maker” so with one thing and another I’m holding off for the meanwhile but feel free to go for it yourself.

The weather was so nice that I decided we should have a barbecue and I went up to the butcher to buy necessary material. It felt like traffic was back to pre-Covid levels, I must say. I’m a bit worried we’ll be going backwards soon.

We ceremoniously turned off the Aga, it was just too warm. I will miss my environmental crime scene over the summer months. I have to say, it’s really come into its own during lock down – it’s very cozy when you’re home full time and who doesn’t need three ovens?

Herself met her friends in the park for a socially distanced walk which was fine but, I think probably not as exciting as she had been hoping. The 2 metres is a bit miserable for everyone but children and teenagers in particular, I think.

Mr. Waffle and I went for a mild walk in the, very warm, evening sunshine and then we had our barbecue in the garden which was lovely. Though the barbecue probably needs a wash (I assured them that all of the germs inside the barbecue were dealt with by the heat – hoping for the best here). Another exciting lock down project.

Thursday, 21 May, 2020

We woke up to no wifi and when you have two people doing online exams, two people doing online work and one person doing online school, that’s a bit of a disaster. Happily it came back at 8.55 but it was on and off all day which was very tense making.

The boys had their German exam. Daniel decided to try the French exam as well on a “why not?” basis. Michael decided that there were lots of reasons why not and didn’t bother. Later in the day, Dan had his business exam. I asked him to show me his French paper and in doing so he inadvertently deleted his business exam and had to start again. This online examination system needs some work.

Herself arrived down to breakfast with a heart tattoo on her chest and I nearly had heart failure before having had time to reflect that there was nowhere to get tattooed and being reassured that it was a temporary tattoo. It took a lot out of me.

As I was finishing work for the day, the phone rang from an unknown number. It was IPSOS/MRBI polling about public health. Lads, I love a survey. I always answer surveys. I’ve never met a survey I didn’t like. For years I have been looking at IPSOS surveys in the paper wondering bitterly why I have never been surveyed. I was delighted. The conversation went as follows:

Her: Would you be prepared to take a call from IPSOS/MRBI?

Me: Yes, very much so, I would love to, I’ve been waiting for this moment for 51 years.

Her (laughing): OK, your data will be anonymised, you won’t be identifiable, GDPR, call recorded etc. etc.

Me: Fine, fine, I’m ready.

Her: Do you have anyone between 15-34 living in the house?

Me: Yes, my daughter is 17.

Her: Do you think she’d be prepared to take the survey, it’s very hard to get people between 15 and 34.

Me: Yeah, I’d say she would. I’ll ask her. [Talk to herself, yes, back to pollster]. Yes, she’ll do it.

Pollster: You’re going to hate me.

Me: What, you’re going to survey her instead of me??

Her: Um, yes, I’m afraid so.

Bitter isn’t the word for me. Herself, myself and Mr. Waffle went out for a walk afterwards and she told us about the questions. Lots about the nation’s reaction to coronavirus and who we trust the most. She spent the rest of the evening prefacing her views with “Nation’s representative 17 year old about to speak”. Bitter.

On the plus side, I was out in the front garden cutting some roses for the house and a lovely young person passing by said, “You have a beautiful garden.” Of course, credit goes entirely to the people who lived here before us but I was pleased all the same.

Friday, 22 May, 2020

The boys did their last online exam and are finished school for the year. It was lovely to see them so genuinely delighted. Mr. Waffle had bought them a new game for the x-box and we let them play it together (it’s quite an innocent thing about preparing food in a restaurant with cartoons and we were rather touched as we’d been quite prepared to pay for the more standard shoot-em-up offering).

Meanwhile, herself started her exams which seemed tough enough. Three hours of English. She hates Paul Durcan, I’m afraid.

I had a coffee break with a friend based in Brussels. We would never have done this in peace time but I must say, it was quite satisfactory in its way. VC is better than a phone call. Begium is further along in its re-opening than Ireland and she told me that she and her husband were getting the tram into town that afternoon to go to the gallery on a socially distanced pre-booked visit. I nearly expired from envy.

My afternoon off was not what it might have been due to a number of work queries. One of which came as I closed the boot of the car (first vehicular outing in many weeks) and due to distraction, I brought it down on my poor daughter’s head. She has a bruise the size of a duck egg.

Mr. Waffle took the boys out with a kite as it was windy. Some success. The wind also brought down the climbing roses at the front of the house so I spent some time with twine and nails pinning it back. It fought back and I may have permanently embedded a number of thorns in my person.

We watched “The Social Network” for our film. Not a bad choice but three of us had already seen it. I was amazed to discover that none of my children had heard of Napster.

Saturday, May 23, 2020

I was up bright and early. Dan had a training session via zoom. I sat in the back garden in the rain holding my phone. Better than doing the plank, I suppose.

I tried out the new x-box game we bought for the boys. Very wholesome but still too hard for me.

Mr. Waffle and I cycled in to town in the rain. Town was busy enough. We tested out the new cycle infrastructure. It’s a start. Better than it was but not reaching the lofty heights of “good”. We walked around Stephen’s Green in the rain.

We wondered, as never before, about whether the sculptors of the statuary in the Green would entirely approve of the gardeners’ placing of pots of geraniums. I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that they probably don’t enhance the vision the sculptors had for, respectively, a famine group and Robert Emmet.

We had a zoom quiz night organised by my friend. We won. As ever, first prize, organising next weekend’s quiz night.

Sunday, May 24, 2020

My sister tells me that my brother has spent all weekend at his tennis club rejoicing at the re-opening of the courts. I note that the public courts in the park up the road from me still haven’t re-opened. This seems a pity. I am regretting letting my tennis club membership slide.

Yet again, the cleaning rota went off without a hitch. Miraculous. Entropy is against us and it will all be to do again next week. Sigh.

I met a colleague in the park for a socially distanced work gossip which we both enjoyed very much.

Daniel, Michael and I cycled 10 kms (5 out, 5 back) to look at the sea. Although the weather was beautiful, we were all a little grumpy. I met a former book club member on our cycle and could not remember her name although she clearly knew mine. Alas.

We started another jigsaw. I stayed up until all hours working away. Alas.

It’s all go here, how are things in your own Corona virus location?

Plague Diary – Part X

11 May, 2020
Posted in: Family, Middle Child, Mr. Waffle, Princess, Twins, Youngest Child

Sunday, May 10, 2020

I had a cold shower again. Just not a delightful start to the day. It was cold and overcast.

We cleaned in accordance with the cleaning rota which is succeeding beyond my wildest dreams. It’s also bringing us together as a family because we all hate it but, like the Leaving Cert, it is tough but fair as we all rotate through all the jobs.

Mr. Waffle and I went for a cycle which was grand though a bit repetitive. And it did not rain on us which was very welcome. Small triumphs.

Monday, May 11, 2020

I started the day with another cold shower. The plumber came at lunch time and fixed the shower. There was great rejoicing.

Delivery of the Irish Times every morning continues to bring joy although the paper is pretty slim. Monday is the sports supplement day and there are still a lot of sports pages which is quite amazing given how little sport is actually continuing. Mr. Waffle wrote a letter to the paper last week and I read it out to him over breakfast without realising it was his (he’s a secretive soul). He got a great kick from saying, “Mmm, but can we trust this random letter writer?” and having me look to see who sent the letter and realise it was him. This is how we amuse ourselves in lock down.

I cycled out to our nearby village with herself which was pretty chilly but probably good for us. It felt a bit worthy.

I had my online book club again, we have even begun, tentatively, speaking about books again. In our new zoom format, I’ve become much more aware of who the quiet ones are and who the talkers are. Lads, I’m a big talker.

I am delighted that we have a) got a new e-reader and b) worked out how to download library books on to it. Mind you, the recommended book club read (“Such a Fun Age”) is only available in August, still something to look forward to for the holidays.

Speaking of holidays, I have resigned myself to the loss of the money paid for flights for five of us to America this summer (out to NY back from LA, let us never speak of it again) and am turning my attention to possible summer holiday locations in Ireland. Our friend who is holed up in West Cork for the duration says that holiday houses for August are going fast. Is this just an opportunity to throw good money after bad? Will we actually be able to go anywhere in August? Should I just look forward to a fortnight at home exploring in the Dublin region? Thoughts?

Tuesday, May 12, 2020

I started the day with a warm shower. That is an awful lot better than a cold shower.

Herself got up early and watched “Normal People” on the telly. Mr. Waffle found her downstairs at 8. She told him she was going to be discussing it in her French conversation class at 9.30. “I understand there’s a lot of sex in it,” said Mr. Waffle bravely. “Yes,” she said, “that’s why I’m watching it at 8 in the morning without my parents.” Fair enough.

Mr. Waffle asked me recently what we would have done differently, if we’d known the pandemic was coming. Probably not an awful lot (with the exception of booking and paying for so much travel). Last year when we got the kitchen done, I would have been a bit more insistent about getting a loan to do the utility room as well (we wanted to turn it into a kids’ games room, place where they could gather, it would have been pretty handy as a home office in current circumstances), however, Mr. Waffle assures me that he would not have agreed to a loan, even had he known about the pandemic, so I suppose that’s not really a lost chance. Mr. Waffle is cautious and dislikes being in debt more than I can say. Lengthy diversion follows to describe how, when he was a student in Paris, he used to walk to the distant suburb where he lived rather than get the RER as he didn’t have enough money and didn’t want to ask his parents for more. I particularly like to hear about the time he walked out from the centre of Paris, in the snow, with a hole in his shoe. You might think based on this story that his parents were unable or unwilling to fund him but, on the contrary, they were generous and quite willing. He is not a man for depending on others when he can manage by himself.

We were going to get a job done on the bathroom this summer and I suppose we could have speeded that up a bit, particularly as we have now had to spend money to fix the old shower but it’s alright really.

What about you? Are there things you would have done differently, had you known that the pandemic was coming? I’m not talking about investing in disinfectant, zoom and face mask shares but more in the domestic and personal sphere.

In going through old files (Mr. Waffle and I are the king and queen of filing) looking for our gas reference number from our former supplier (which I needed for reasons to do with my own idiocy covered in a previous post), I found a folder with insurance documents for the car we brought back from Brussels in 2008. The car went to my sister in, maybe, 2011 and she got rid of it a number of years ago. I suggested that the papers might go but he is reluctant to part with them. The folder has moved under the stairs with a view to subsequently, perhaps, going to the shed and, ultimately, perhaps, whisper it, disposal. I suppose if it goes, I’ll be compelled to review my folder of payslips from the 90s. We’re all on a journey here.

Mr. Waffle and I went for our evening walk in the 5km zone. Not much by way of novelty, I fear.

Wednesday, May 13, 2020

Woke up and had absolutely no idea what day of the week it was. I worked it out later. I had a warm shower, again. Very pleasing.

I have been reflecting on the joy of lunch. The five of us have lunch together every day. Dinner is a constant source of disappointment to me. I am a poor cook and my children are picky eaters (perhaps these are related things). But lunch is easy – just a collection of left overs from the fridge arranged nicely and usually everyone eats something (though Michael has been known to hold out, he sometimes also nibbles a little chorizo).

It was absolutely freezing and I apologise to no one for having spent the day with a hot water bottle at my feet.

Mr. Waffle and I went for an evening walk but didn’t really find any fresh fields to conquer. The school contacted us to encourage one of our children to put in a bit more homework than had been received to date. There was some unhappiness but all was forgiven and the child expressed a firm purpose of amendment. It is very tough on them as the expectation level is so unclear. I cannot wait for the summer holidays to start at the end of the month.

Thursday, May 14, 2020

Today was a day filled with meetings which is tricky from home. Not as tricky for me as for one of my colleagues who presented to 40 people with great aplomb on an interesting and complex topic. Doing this online is tough anyhow but when your two year old and your four year old children are with you and are being minded by the TV (as his were, he confided to me later), it is even tougher. He was great but the meeting ran over and he was still fielding questions when an irate child in the background asked about lunch in imperious tones. I thought he handled it really well, saying calmly, “I’ll just mute my mic for a moment.” We wound up shortly afterwards all the same. I mean, just as well really, I wanted my own lunch.

Daniel had to do his home ec practical exam and he made dough balls and bruschetta. We had them for dinner last night and very nice they were too. Herself made risotto for our main course. She makes wonderful risotto. While my children were slaving over a hot stove, I went for a cycle and I ran into a friend in the park. We were both unaccompanied so I hopped off my bike and we went for a socially distant walk and chat which was lovely. Zoom is all very well but it’s no substitute for meeting people.

I like to tell my children stories about my parents and relatives but, I suppose, they may have heard some of them before. A recent practice has sprung up where when people have heard a story before they raise their hands. Michael generally doesn’t to the intense chagrin of the others; mostly because he doesn’t seem to have listened the first 14 times I’ve told the story. I embarked on a story last night and it was greeted by a forest of hands. “She’s concerned about the Library of Alexandria,” explained the Princess. I came across a phrase recently, “Every time an old person dies, the Library of Alexandria burns to the ground.” It really struck me. I think probably because my father is so old and knows so much. I turn to him for information on all historical 20th century events (he was born in 1925 so he has personal experience of most of it) and questions about family and relatives and I am increasingly conscious that he won’t live forever. Until, the Princess made her announcement last night, I hadn’t really thought of myself as being the Library of Alexandria and trying to drum in family stories and facts to the children to ensure they survive after I’m gone but I suppose that is exactly what I’m doing. Anyhow, I looked a bit balefully at the Princess and she added, “Though, in this case, I wouldn’t say the Library of Alexandria is particularly strong on trigonometry.” Oh how we laughed.

Friday, May 15, 2020

We got a bread and croissant delivery for breakfast to celebrate the start of the weekend. Hurrah. The orthodontist texted that he is re-opening mid June. Further rejoicing.

Mr. Waffle and I cycled to the sea which is within our 5 km zone. It remains unchanged from when we last inspected it on my birthday (March 10) but it was nice to the see the sea, I have to say.

We had cinema night. It continues satisfactory. Herself chose the film. We had a Will Ferrell offering called “Stranger than Fiction” which wasn’t bad. Great cast and a clever idea. Some problems in execution though. But PG 13 which was a huge relief to everyone.

Saturday, May 16, 2020

It was my niece’s birthday and we skype called her to wish her a happy 12th birthday. She seemed cheerful notwithstanding lock down. She is re-watching all of the “Friends” episodes for the fourth time so she and I had some discussion on this shared cultural endeavour.

I retired some of Michael’s (very small) t-shirts and bought more online. Now that he is basically an adult size, this is not as cheap as it once was. We bought a shirt for Daniel, a shirt for me and a couple of items for herself as well. I have never bought an item of clothing online for myself before and I await with mild interest the outcome of this foray into a brave new world. I have, depressingly, ordered face masks for all of us as well. As I understand it we are encouraged to wear them in shops and on public transport. Something to look forward to.

Mr. Waffle and I went out for a cycle; we thought we might have a walk in the cemetery (all the thrills) but it was locked up.

We took part in an online quiz and we didn’t do too badly considering that due to technical issues we missed all the questions in one round. The wifi continues to be delicate.

I await your pandemic news with bated breath etc.

Plague Diary – Part IX

7 May, 2020
Posted in: Family, Middle Child, Mr. Waffle, Princess, Twins, Youngest Child

Monday, May 4, 2020

I went for a cycle on my own for an hour. The weather was pleasant and it was nice to be out.

Having deferred cleaning to today, we all dutifully did our cleaning from the rota after lunch. Cleaning the house is tedious, there’s no two ways about it. But effective. Top tip from me, do not use a cleaner with bleach on a stainless steel hob.

Mr. Waffle and I read in the garden for a bit. We’re both re-reading. Some of us have chosen more challenging material than others.

The neighbours gave us half a dozen eggs over the wall. Speaking of hens, I don’t mean to tempt fate here but I think our rat problem may be resolved. Fingers crossed, eh?

My sister has started making candles. Really not sure where this will all end.

Tuesday, May 5, 2020

The children have the day off school as it’s the founder’s day. This is the first time in years herself hasn’t been organising and/or speaking at a schools’ conference. My sister asked why not an online webinar but herself said, wisely, “No one wants that.” Mr. Waffle took the day off work also to tend to the children and take them away from their electronic devices.

I got a call from my brother asking how to dispose of a dead bird. All part of the service. He doesn’t have a cat; I can only assume that he stalked it in the garden and carried it off in his strong jaws.

Mr. Waffle spent 3 (!) hours playing Risk with the boys in the afternoon. He is the best father. Herself and myself went for a cycle to a village at the edge of our 5km zone to celebrate our extended containment zone. Quite pleasant too.

My father was released from hospital again. Somewhat improved. I hope he’s well enough now to stay out for a bit.

Wednesday, May 6, 2020

Back to the grindstone for the children. Online school is slowly killing them. My poor, poor children.

Our google calendar is quite empty. It is very strange. I can’t quite understand how we managed to fit in so much stuff in what I think I should start calling “the before days”. We appear to be in the process of acquiring a milkman. As we get through 16 litres a week, I’m hoping this will be worthwhile.

I cycled out to our nearby village again. Unaccompanied which was fine. I met a friend walking in the park on the way back which was very exciting and we stopped for a good long socially distanced chat.

Herself has set up her own online shop where she is selling her clothes second hand. “I’m selling a lifestyle,” says she. Her experience of capitalism has been exciting. She nearly expired when she found she had to pay â‚¬8 for postage. “That’s nothing, imagine if you had to pay staff costs,” I said. “Mmm,” said herself, staunch critic of Amazon’s policy on unions and part of the reason we try not to buy any Amazon stuff, “who needs unions, we’re family, I will look after you.”

Thursday, May 7, 2020

The capitalism experience continued. She sold all her items. She packed them, she added free stuff, she forked out for her online postage and this is not to mention the time cost of extensive photographing the previous day. “If,” she said bitterly, “you had told me that I had to do all this and at the end you would give me â‚¬1.70, I would never have done it.” And, I have to tell you, she has no supplier costs. She’s reviewing her pricing policy and is, even as I write, putting up more stuff.

Bewleyâ€™s, a very well know Dublin cafe, is closing its Grafton Steet branch. I am experiencing mild regret, they did a great Lapsang. When it nearly went to the wall in the 1980s, the then Taoiseach, Garrett Fitzgerald, suggested that it might be nationalised and I thought my father would be carried off by an apoplexy at the prospect of his taxes going to prop up a Dublin cafe but nothing came of it. Nobody is suggesting nationalising it now but the Irish Times gave it acres of newsprint.

The internet died over lunch and the company said that it was a line fault and could be days before eircom got to us (days!).

I took Daniel off on my cycle to the nearby village. He pronounced it ok. I ran into my friend again and this time we were very blasÃ© and just waved at each other.

Meanwhile, Mr. Waffle turned the kitchen table into a temporary table tennis table with medium success.

Friday, May 8, 2020

The eircom man came first thing. A lovely man and the first person we’ve had in the house in about a month who isn’t a family member. Very exciting. He said that there was nothing wrong with the line and the fault must be the modem. It came back on, on Friday morning anyhow and we have been crossing our fingers ever since.

We had pastries and bread delivered to celebrate that it’s Friday. My sister sent me a notiony candle out of the blue. Quite the thrill, I can tell you.

The neighbourhood whatsapp group is full of details of local pubs delivering pints (there are several).

Michael and I cycled out to our nearby village. An opportunity to test his new shoes which arrived in the post this morning. It is a nice cycle but yet, all other things being equal, I probably wouldn’t advise doing it four times in the one week. On our way home we met the family of a school friend of Michael and Daniel’s from primary school (friend was at home but his parents and younger siblings were out). It’s all the same really for everyone. The father is German so he had a slightly different story to tell about his parents in Germany (fine, thankfully) and what restrictions are like there (significantly eased – his father got his hair cut today).

The German language school where herself was supposed to be going for a fortnight in the summer refunded her fees (I mean refund is good, rejoice). And the three week camp Daniel was supposed to be going on in June is cancelled also and the organisers have promised to refund unless we want to roll it over to next year. We’ll see. Meanwhile, Michael’s refusal to do any kind of course or activity this summer is looking surprisingly prescient.

Mr. Waffle and I went for a walk around a local housing estate (can you call it that, if it’s Victorian?). I had never noticed before that all of the houses have the same front door. They must be 100 years old but the ones that were gone were few and far between. Robust.

For cinema night we watched “Three Identical Strangers” which was successful in that everyone stayed for the duration and it was interesting but it’s a bit sad. I think pandemic viewing requires more laughs. “Catch Me, If You Can” remains the high point of pandemic viewing season.

Saturday, May 9, 2020

Ah, Europe Day, I thought of the bank holiday I would be enjoying if I worked for one of the European institutions. In fact, May and June in Brussels were something of a bank holiday bonanza. And then there was this delightful habit of taking off (possibly being given off?) a day to make up a long weekend if the secular or religious holiday did not fall on a Friday or a Monday (faire le pont – words to conjure with).

Yesterday, the children were complaining that the shower didn’t work. Did we listen? No. Were we sorry? Yes. I had a cold shower which is deeply unpleasant. The man is going to come to fix it on Monday (is plumbing an emergency service, I suppose so).

Herself and myself went to queue with hipsters in the hope of getting nice bread from a local cafe turned take-away but they were sold out. To console ourselves, we bought frozen vareniki from our local Eastern European produce shop. Mr. Waffle (our domestic vareniki maker – we liked them when we had them in Estonia last year and he has been honing his skills since) was outraged.

I set the children hedge cutting and lawn mowing in the afternoon. They did a great job but we had to stop as we have, again, run out of composting capacity. My lilac is growing and thriving with one very notable problem. It is not producing flowers. How long is this going to continue for?

I made biscuits. We ate them.

I went back on the walk Mr. Waffle and I took yesterday and photographed the doors. I was slightly mortified when one of the doors opened as I was standing on the path snapping it. However, it was a nice German man who was pleased that I was photographing his door. He told me that when they moved in, it was a horrible plastic one but they managed to source one of the original doors, put it in and painted it up. His daughter chose the colour; and very nice it looked too.

Lots of the houses had beautiful peonies. I am hopeful that in the near future I too will have beautiful peonies as, unlike the disappointing lilac, they look like they are about to burst into bloom.

I feel I know my 5km radius in some detail.

And how are things in your own pandemic location?