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Siblings

Birthday Excitement

3 July, 2023
Posted in: Cork, Family, Ireland, Siblings

My sister’s partner had a big birthday and she arranged a mild event for him at the weekend which passed off very well until the moment I realised that I was the oldest person at the lunch table. I mean everyone else was still having a good time but I was, as the young people say, shooketh.

She also brought me more papers from my parents’ house which I have been dutifully sifting through.

Here is my father in 1946 looking very slender in a picture from his time as a college debater in UCC. More women than I would have expected (expectation – none).

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I also found this menu from Jammet’s from 1946. I enjoyed the “It is illegal to serve butter with lunch or dinner”.

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On the back, it’s signed by a variety of artistic luminaries and some people unknown to Wikipedia (Lady Cornelius McGillicuddy anyone?).

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Where did this come from? I am not related to any of the signatories as far as I know (and I feel I would know). Did some relative of mine disturb these people at their dinner? In fairness, that seems very unlikely. It also seems pretty unlikely that any relative of mine would be running with such a lofty, arty crowd. At best, we were much more commerce than art. A mystery, probably not one which will ever be resolved at this point.

I also found my mother’s French copy book from secondary school in the late 40s/early 50s. I have no idea why she kept it, as honestly, it is a record of academic misery. It didn’t seem that bad to me – I mean super handwriting and some difficult topics covered in the text – but the marks were less than stellar. I asked Mr. Waffle to have a look and having seen the teacher’s handwriting he asked whether the teacher was French. I think she was actually, as my mother’s school was run by an order of French nuns and I have vague recollections of her talking of her ongoing struggles with the francophone nuns (some of them were definitely Irish though including the fantastically named Mother Borgia of whom my mother was very fond and who came to visit us a number of times – she taught physics, however, which was where my mother’s strengths lay). Anyway, those nuns, they set high standards and my mother’s French, imperfect though it may have been served us in good stead on holidays in France in the 70s and 80s.

More news from the archives as we get it.

Anniversary

15 June, 2023
Posted in: Siblings

Today is the fourth anniversary of my mother’s death. It seems like there is an awful lot of water under the bridge since June 2019.

My sister sent me flowers. I sent her a text message. Balance in all things eh?

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The Princess did quite well in an exam adjacent exercise today and I can’t help imagining that my mother’s benign influence was at work. If ever there was a woman who loved exams (doing them, prepping for them, analysing them and getting the results), it was my mother.

I really miss her, even the exam prep bit.

Further Gallivanting

10 June, 2023
Posted in: Princess, Siblings, Travel

In the middle of May, I went to England for a couple of days. Stay tuned for a thrilling description of my trip.

Thursday, 18 May

First, I visited herself just for 24 hours. We had such a nice time. She is a devotee of the schedule and she sends me a programme in advance of my visits. “Weird,” you say. “Absolute genius,” I say. It allows us to tweak and decide exactly what we are going to do and when packing maximum value into any visit. Also, she books stuff. On arrival, after dropping my things at the lovely guest house, we went straight for afternoon tea. There’s a girl who knows her mother. When I don’t see her for a long time, I forget what great company she is, we did have a nice time.

Sadly, she was slightly under the weather and went back to her room to recuperate after the tea but thanks to the schedule (TM), I was able to take myself to the piano recital she had booked us into. It was free (I love free) and absolutely amazing. I am not generally a fan of musical concerts of any genre (I know, shoot me) but this was an event aimed at students and there was just the right amount of explanation and music. The setting – England on a summer evening, old buildings, wisteria out – was absolutely beautiful. I don’t know when I have enjoyed a concert more.

Later I went to a student poetry reading event where herself was going to be reading some poetry. It was informal in nature and upstairs in a pub. As I arrived late, in the middle of herself reading a poem, the assembled young people chorused “Hello [the Princess’s] Mum!” You get the vibe. I was the oldest person there by about 100 years. Surprisingly enjoyable. English young people are very polite and quite formal in some ways. Whenever one of them was about to read a slightly risqué poem he or she would say, “Sorry [Princess’s] Mum.”

Friday, 19 May

We went out for a lovely breakfast herself had booked. I was pleased to see that she is back on her bike. I believe it spent its first year in storage and I was beginning to fear that it might have been an unwise investment. Here is a selfie using the iphone portrait filter which I love because it removes all my wrinkles and she hates because it makes her look like she’s made of plastic but whose blog is it, I’d like to know?

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We had a little boat tour and the guide said that we were like sisters. I was pleased herself was outraged. Until the guide said, “No not that you look like sisters but the way you bicker is like sisters.” Cue reversal of sentiments.

Afterwards we went to her room where we were able to shelter from torrential rain. This was particularly important to genius here who decided to travel without a coat. Though, in fairness to me aside from that, arguably fatal, flaw, my packing was impeccable and I wore everything I brought.

A slight let up in the rain gave me a chance to scurry to the art gallery where I had a quick look around before meeting herself back in the hotel. Then, she escorted me to the bus stop, told me where to get off and how to get to my destination in London where I was meeting my sister. Very competent too. It’s weird that she knows London so much better than me now. Your correspondent struggled to find the underground entrance (right beside the bus stop) and then floundered around finally reaching her hotel safely without undue incident.

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My sister was arriving in very late so I arranged to meet for dinner an old, old friend who I first met more than 30 years ago when we were both the most junior, the lowest form of life in our jobs in Brussels. We partied, we rose up the ranks a bit, we went to each others weddings then, we both moved out of Brussels permanently – me to Dublin, her to London – and had less opportunity to see each other. But R and I have stayed in touch over the years with Christmas cards and the odd whatsapp messages. When we were in Finland some years ago, we thought we might catch up with them on the Åland islands (her husband is from there and they go there in the summer). We did not. Åland is a long way from mainland Finland, I will tell you that. I digress. Anyhow, I’d say it’s at least 15 yeas since I’ve seen her. I was worried that I might not recognise her but I need not have feared, she looks broadly unchanged. It was so much fun to go for dinner with her. She had lots of news – sometimes that doesn’t work so well when you are apart for a long time – but it worked really well. It was great fun. Even though some of her news and mine was a bit grim, she had that very day installed her father in a nursing home, it was overall brilliant and so interesting to hear about each other’s lives and families in detail.

Inspired by our meeting we got in contact with some other (female, as it happens) members of our gang from that long ago time. They’re all on the internet. I was struck by their lofty job titles. It occurred to me that we are the first generation of women whose careers have progressed that way. Most of my mother’s friends went to college but very few of them remained in the work force once they got married. Those who did, like my mother, almost all had part-time roles which were never going to be the most senior (that’s the way of overwhelmingly female part time jobs, perhaps a subject for another post). I can honestly only think of one senior professional women who worked full time among my mother’s friends and she was unmarried. My mother’s friends’ husbands sure, yes, they had senior jobs but their wives whom they had often met in college not so much. Now, I know tons of senior women across many walks of life. If you needed a professional female role model in 1980s Ireland, basically, good luck with that, whereas now, I feel that things are very, very different. I am certainly not saying that things are perfect but, maybe worth acknowledging how much better things are than they were.

Saturday, May 20

My sister having arrived the previous evening, we had breakfast together in the hotel. After considering our options we decided to make a little trip that turned out to be something of a pilgrimage. I know that this is a hotly contested issue but I would say that for most of his lifetime my father was Samuel Johnson’s greatest living fan.

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So, we went to Samuel Johnson’s house. We loved it and, if you are a fan of the great lexicographer (and who isn’t?), I can truly recommend it. It is run by volunteers and the little shop is full of enthusiasts telling their favourite Samuel Johnson stories. I returned home weighed down by Dr. Johnson tat.

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My saintly sister-in-law and her family are based in London. I sent her a craven message saying that the shortness of my stay did not permit me seeing her and her loving family (of whom I am genuinely v fond) and, to add insult to injury, could she recommend some good places to eat. I find she is extremely solid on such recommendations. She did not let me down.

We went to Noble Rot on Lambs Conduit Street for lunch and I can heartily recommend both the lunch venue itself and the delightful browsability (is this a word? you know what I mean) of the street itself. Sadly, the lovely Persephone book shop which used to be here has decamped to Bath (note to self for future reference) but otherwise an entire success.

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My sister decided to go back to the hotel before dinner but I was determined to get into the National Gallery. As predicted by my esteemed sister-in-law, it was heaving. I was a bit surprised, I definitely remember having it more or less to myself in the past. Maybe it was the time of year or the fact that it was a Saturday. Nevertheless, very pleasing. As a friend of mine says, every room you walk into, it’s like seeing an old friend on the wall.

We had dinner in the Piazza in the Royal Opera House. Yet another stellar recommendation from my sister-in-law. Sadly, as it was a beautiful evening, we were not seated on the balcony and I was too afraid to ask to be moved. I am sometimes a timid, shy creature. I later overheard a waiter refusing to sit someone on the balcony as it was for snacks only, that was all that was wanting to set the seal of delight on my evening; I was not missing out after all.

I’d booked us in to a play (2.22 Ghost) which was reasonably enjoyable though a certain amount of jump scares which I do not love. I was irritated by one of the main characters who was a Catholic (code for will believe anything which was in itself annoying). She kept blessing herself at various dramatic moments with her left hand. Surely to God there is someone left in England who could put them right on that.

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Sunday, May 21

Our hotel, paid for by my kind sister from her hotel points (hurrah) was in South Kensington so we thought we would take a look around the Natural History Museum. Heaving with a big (though ultimately speedy) queue to get in.

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I was quite taken aback by how crowded the London cultural institutions were although the V&A seemed reasonably empty, at least there was no queue to get in. My sister is not a fan though so we gave it a skip.

We went to mass in Brompton Oratory. There were a lot of people there who could have given the “2.22 Ghost” people a steer on how to bless yourself. The priest was from a non-English speaking country but spoke really good English aside from a problem with the “th” which is unfortunate as he was surrounded by people who have really mastered that trying sound. Vatican 2 appears not to have reached Brompton as the priest said mass with his back to the congregation. There were some women in mantillas which is something I have literally never seen in a church in Ireland. I noted that there was a Tridentine mass available earlier in the morning. I’d say you’d get the full pre-Vatican 2 experience there.

Inevitably, everyone knelt for communion at the altar rails which is something that has really gone out in Irish churches but was a feature of my youth. I was surprised how quickly I remembered the ritual of lining up behind and going forward in a wave as the previous kneelers rose. This reminds me of my friend who had a crush on the boy up the road (one of a family of seven all of whom were ferociously bright and brilliant at sport, including this boy who was also very handsome – I see from the internet that he is a doctor in the US now and, although he has kept his hair, he is not what he was in 1983). He was an altar boy in her local church. It was non-stop fun being a teenager in the 80s in Cork. When the priest came to give out communion, she was kneeling at the altar rails. The handsome altar boy followed behind the priest holding – as was standard – a golden salver under your chin (I am sure there is a proper name for this, but I do not know it) in case of disaster, I guess. Anyway my friend was fixated on the altar boy instead of turning her mind to higher things and when the priest said, “Body of Christ,” to be clear correct response, “Amen” she said, “Hello”. Which I still find hilarious.

One of the prayers of the faithful was for King Charles and a just and lengthy (seems unlikely) reign for him, it was kind of wrapped up in world peace and I faithfully gave the response but I noted that my sister did not, doubtless concerned that she was being fooled into swearing fealty to himself.

After mass we went to lunch in a nearby Pain Quotidien (my ardour remains undimmed and I was pleased to see that it was heaving unlike the ones in NY which are busy closing down).

Then my sister was off to see her friend in distant Chiswick and I headed to the airport. I got there in very good time. The “two hours before your flight takes off” is excessive. Not helped at all by the fact that my flight was late.

Mr. Waffle had to fly out on a work trip on the Sunday night so he left the car in the short term car park and I picked it up. I felt that this had the potential to go disastrously wrong but all was well although Aer Lingus’s delay meant that the parking cost me €16.50 which was still a lot cheaper than both of us getting taxis. So, a win I guess.

The Circular Economy

15 May, 2023
Posted in: Dublin, Ireland, Siblings

My sister is a big fan of the Olio app. It is designed for food but now you can give away stuff as well. She has a lot of material to get rid of. It seems to work perfectly for her but I have found it a bit hit and miss. I got rid of a spare new car jack (don’t ask) in no time; the slightly wonky pedal bin took a bit longer and literally no one is interested in a perfectly good paddling pool (5,000 views and counting but still not a nibble). Mostly the people collecting seem to be young people and immigrants.

I was giving away an IKEA Malm chest of drawers and this man contacted me. He asked could he carry it on his bike (no, are you kidding me?) would he be able to take it on a trolley (maybe but not very far). Anyway, as is the way with Olio, he missed a number of pick ups. His tone in messages was terse but he was clearly not a native English speaker so I gave him the benefit of the doubt. Finally, he asked would I drive him and the Malm to his place. Because I am a complete sap I said yes. My whole family laughed at me. Did he come when he said he would? No. When he eventually came, we put the Malm in the car and drove to his place. He was lovely and his wife was too, they’d just moved to Ireland and were settling in. I felt a warm glow and that even if I am a sap, it all came good in the end.

I wonder will anyone ever take my paddling pool?

He’s Not A Tame Uncle, You Know

13 May, 2023
Posted in: Princess, Siblings

Despite what you might think on reading this blog, I am actually very fond of my brother. He is maddening but hilarious. He lives life very much in the here and now. He has left France (on a bit of a whim) and returned to the land of his ancestors. He was staying with us last week (a plus – he doesn’t seem to have caught Covid here). Consider this text message exchange where I ask about his dinner plans.

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Herself went out to France to him for a holiday before he came home. He was very good to her and took her skiing which she enjoyed.

Her ski gear was in Dublin and he took it back to France in advance of her trip. He insisted in taking it in a tote bag though I had many better suggestions. Here is his description to myself and my sister of his trip back to Geneva with the gear.

Stressful [trip] back. There was only like 10 mins to make the connection to geneva at cdg. Ran like a mad man stuff falling everywhere. [The Princess’s] ski gear was a curse. Left a bright pink sock at security and they called after me. Had to run back and take I lacked the time and linguistic capability to explain. V embarrassing still made it just about [by] running. Good news though my McGivor knife [Swiss Army] was in the place I stashed it in Geneva (Hel, just to fill [you] in I had accidentally brought the penknife [you gave] me for Xmas to the airport. Confiscation seemed certain. But in the tradition of the great McGivor himself I stashed it in a plant in the departure area. And was there when I got back).

Now that he is back in the jurisdiction I foresee much higher levels of spontaneity in all of our lives.

Was It For This?*

6 May, 2023
Posted in: Middle Child, Mr. Waffle, Reading etc., Siblings, Twins, Youngest Child

Your correspondent has had a busy 24 hours. Last night Mr. Waffle and I went to see Bruce Springsteen. I can’t honestly say that standing in a field for about four hours was the finishing touch I needed to recuperate fully from my cold but Bruce does do a good concert. I thought that there might be some kind of…intermission, I mean he is 73 but no, he kept going for three hours solid. He jumped. I was honestly concerned that one of the elderly gents on stage would have a heart attack. Or perhaps someone in the stadium. Just so you know, Bruce Springsteen fans are mainly bald family men in their 50s and 60s. Some of them bring their children to concerts which lowers the age profile. Some of them bring their wives which slightly improves the gender balance. All attendees were taller than me.

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Honestly, the environment was, entirely wholesome, family fun. I did enjoy it – what a show – but I was quite surprised by how many songs the Boss has written since the mid-80s when I was last paying attention.

We cycled to and from the venue and I was delighted with myself and slightly smug (doubtless I will burn for this) as we sailed by traffic chaos on the way in and on the way home. I was a bit worried about our bikes but the fans were all round polite pillars of society, so I really needn’t have been. All was well, not so much as a light missing on our return to where the bikes were locked to Sheffield stands right beside the venue. This was not a crowd that goes in for utility cycling much I’d say, so bike parking was readily available.

When we got home about 11 (Bruce is 73, he played for three hours, what more do you want?) Daniel, who had gone to the beach with friends, still wasn’t home. In fairness to him he’s pretty good to answer when you call so my inevitable panic was of short duration. He was coming home – he and his friends had had dinner in town. I waited up. There was mild drama. One of his friends had got the bus in the wrong direction and ended up in Crumlin when she wanted to go to Clontarf (these places are far apart). She texted the group and said her father was furious and had told her to get home by herself. She had missed the last bus. I was outraged and dithering about what to do but mercifully her father relented. All this took time though so I was late to bed and not at my bright and beautiful best next morning when I got up at 8.

“Why 8?” you ask. I was going to a coronation brunch. I am not proud but a friend of mine offered and off I went. Leaving poor Mr. Waffle cleaning up cat vomit from the kitchen floor, I went to my monarchial extravaganza. I mean look it’s free pageantry kindly paid for by the old oppressor. As you may have guessed, I am a little ambivalent. But, I have to say, I really enjoyed it. I thought the ceremony was great – surprisingly moving – and the music terrific. Who knew there were so many functionaries in Britain who could speak so well to an audience of thousands in the church and lots more on TV? Man of the match had to go to the young chorister who had the first words in the whole ceremony and delivered them as clearly and collectedly as if he’d been practicing every day of his life. Perhaps he was, I wouldn’t put it past the British to have someone who is trained from birth.

I could have done with more focus on women’s dresses but still very enjoyable. And brunch was superb. We didn’t crack open champagne at the moment of coronation because 1) it felt a bit like mass and drinking in mass feels so odd and 2) it was probably a bridge too far.

I suppose, it’s a big thing that has happened in my lifetime. I remember my father talking about when the old King died (George V to you) and we do have a relationship with the neighbouring island with their big events, willy nilly, being a bit ours too. I well remember when Charles and Diana got married we went over to my mother’s friend’s house and watched it on TV. And, I might add, my mother’s friends were an Irish speaking family. Am I protesting too much? I guess, as they say, relationship status: it’s complicated.

When I got home, my brother was packing up to leave having stayed for a few days. Michael said wickedly, “We should tell Uncle Dan where you were.” I would suffer unmerciful slagging, if my brother heard about this, so I managed to persuade Michael not to tell (what will be the end of this?). “But it is here, on the internet,” you protest. To my lasting chagrin, my brother does not read my blog. “I must,” he says weakly, but he never does. Bitter? Moi?

And how was your own coronation experience, if you partook? Did anyone make the quiche? And how about Penny Mordaunt’s scene stealing sword gig?

*The title comes from this poem by WB Yeats and is general shorthand for doing something which is perhaps not totally worthy of the Republic. Has wide application.

The relevant stanza is:

Was it for this the wild geese spread/The grey wing upon every tide;/For this that all that blood was shed,/For this Edward Fitzgerald died,/And Robert Emmet and Wolfe Tone,/All that delirium of the brave?/Romantic Ireland’s dead and gone,/It’s with O’Leary in the grave.

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