The boys are sick and living from Calpol dose to Calpol dose.
Unfortunately, Michael hasn’t got the name quite right. Lying wanly on the sofa this evening, he looked up at me and said, “Is it time for my alcohol yet?”
Twins
Fallen Angels
I do sometimes worry about the number of different women who have been involved in minding our children over the years. Michael never really bothers to get to grips with their names but always calls the current incumbent, “the babysitter” despite parental protests.
Over Christmas he accidentally knocked off the wall a picture in his room which features nine women’s heads – details from well-known larger pictures – like the Madonna of the Rocks, the Girl with the Pearl Earring, the Lady with an Ermine.
He conveyed the news of this catastrophe to me as follows: “Mummy, I’m very sorry but I knocked down the picture with the photos of all the old babysitters on it.”
Dialogue – Christmas in Cork
Michael: Hello Auntie Helen!
Her: Michael – it’s six in the morning.
Him: Do you want a cuddle?
Her: I like my personal space.
4S4Ever
I got an iphone 4S for Christmas from my loving husband. I am finding it less than entirely intuitive. The children, however, are very taken with Siri and herself has been cross-questioning the phone.
Herself: What’s your name?
Siri: Siri, but you knew that already.
Herself: How old are you?
Siri: How does that concern you?
Herself: What is the best smartphone?
Siri: Wait…there are other phones?
Herself: What is your favourite colour?
Siri: There is no word for it in your language. It’s like blue but it has other dimensions.
Herself: Do you like biscuits?
Siri: This isn’t about me, it’s about you.
Herself: What is the best iphone?
Siri: You’re holding it in your hand.
Michael: You’re a poopy head.
Siri: I am sorry I did not understand that.
Herself: Sorry about my idiot brother.
Siri: No problem.
Herself: Thank you.
Siri: Why, thanks.
If Only it Were in a Galaxy Far Far Away
My son Daniel is obsessed with Star Wars although he has never seen it. I may have seen it once but I can’t really say that, despite my interest in sci-fi in general, it really held my interest. I think that’s because it was really bad. Daniel has never seen the film but, perhaps, over Christmas, that pleasure will be granted to him.
In the interim, he brought this tome home from the library. It’s a list of all of the Star Wars plastic figurines ever made. He showed it to me proudly and said, “I brought this home for you, Mummy.” “Why?” I asked warily. “Because you love Star Wars,” he said happily. We spent quite a while going through it. What can I say, if you love “Star Wars”, then the plastic figurines are endlessly fascinating. In other news, my daughter compared me to Jabba the Hut. You can see a figurine of him on page 146 along along with a piece of dialogue from the film which shows why it makes the heart sing: “There will be no bargain, young Jedi I shall enjoy watching you die.”
Utter Failure (Almost)
Me (to children): What’s my job?
Them: To mind the house and be a housewife.
Me: And what’s Daddy’s job?
Them: To go out to work and make money.
Pause.
Micheal: And to do the laundry.
Need I say that we both work outside the home and split work around the house equally?