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No worst, there is none

13 July, 2006
Posted in: Work

I had a dreadful trip. I scraped the hired car. I spent an hour or so circulating the airport but always ending up back on the motorway facing in the wrong direction in rush hour traffic instead of safely in the terminal building. When I tried to fill the car with petrol, it would only fill three quarters full. The little thing kept clicking. The man in the garage couldn’t come and help me as he was alone behind the till. I paid in three different installments, the last two being for sums of the order of 40 cents and 20 cents.

Pitched past pitch of grief

As I was complaining to the man behind the counter about this, I looked in my bag for change and suddenly realised that I had left my passport in the hotel room. An hour’s drive away. And that was assuming that I managed to get into the airport first go. I blurted out my problem to the man in the garage. “That’s the best laugh I’ve had all day”. The kindness of strangers. I drove into the airport pondering my options. I decided that I would hand in my hire car and try to change my flight and get the train back to the hotel (who had by phone confirmed that they had my passport).

Comforter, where, where is your comforting?

I was feeling a bit mournful as I handed back the car to Messrs. Evil Avis, we couldn’t care less and my mood was not improved by discovering that I would have to pay 300 euros for my tiny dent. And petrol money (“probably air in the tank”). I was lingering at the Avis desk negotiating the details with the man when I had a brilliant idea; I would try to fly home on my Belgian ID.

Mary, mother of us, where is your relief?

I got into the airport. Passed through secuity feeling a little tense as I was now late and I felt that it might take some time to convince officials that I could travel on my ID. The security people stopped my briefcase and I could see them starting to huddle round the telly thing. Four men looked at it baffled. “It’s a breast pump” I said. I think the customs man who sped through my bag was marginally more embarassed than me (what, yes, ok, I’m still breastfeeding, leave me alone, don’t I have enough problems – if anyone so much mentions one word about breastfed babies not sleeping he or she will be shot).

Here creep, Wretch, under a comfort serves in a whirlwind
They did, in fact, take my ID without a blink. Until I got to Belgium where, perversely, they insisted on seeing my passport. I said I didn’t have it and the nice woman said “we may have to put you in the holding pen but I’m sure they’ll let you out shortly”. And I said “please, please let me home to my 3 small children and my poor husband who may well divorce me, if I don’t get back shortly” and she laughed and said “oh alright in you go”.

each day dies with sleep

Got home about 23.30 and remembered that I didn’t have any keys because our childminder had taken two sets to the Philippines, our cleaner one set to Poland and the publishing exec a set to London (our keys and globalisation, comments please, in your own time) and I had given my set to the royal grandparents so that they would be able to leave the house with her highness while I was gone. Rang the doorbell and woke the house. Collapsed into bed.

I suspect that I didn’t feel as badly as Gerard Manley Hopkins when he wrote “No worst, there is none” (as my mother is fond of saying “there’s always someone worse off than yourself”) but my English teacher had a special devotion to him and to this poem in particular and whenever things are not going my way it runs through my head and maybe now it will run through yours. Always the ray of sunshine spreading joy and happiness on the internet.

Kettle, Pot, Black etc.

27 June, 2006
Posted in: Family, Work

I see that despite the football, University Challenge is back. I’m videoing it. I told one of my colleagues this [the one from Northern Ireland, she is entirely unlike anyone else I’ve ever met from the North, if she were in charge there, it wouldn’t be “Ulster says NO” it would be, “Ulster says ‘oh alright, go on then, if you want’”. I digress]. She said “Oh, my God, what nerds, you are videotaping University Challenge!” Pause. “I like to watch it live”. Mind you, I’m glad that I didn’t given her extra ammunition by telling her that we were going to spend the bulk of our evening organising our Summer holidays on a spread sheet. Look, it’s complex: the creche is closed for a month, the Princess has 9 weeks off school and our childminder is going to the Philippines for 5 weeks. Is there anything as dull as other people’s childcare arrangements? Perhaps I should stop while I still can.

One dark and stormy night the captain sat down and said to the mate…

14 June, 2006
Posted in: Work

Me: Gosh, the weather is really creepy.  It feels like a fairy tale.  I’m half expecting a forest to grow up around us for 100 years.  

Single colleague: 100 years, that’s about how long it will take the handsome prince to come alright.

Dilemma

8 June, 2006
Posted in: Work

The Narnia flick is available on pay TV in my hotel.  I would quite like to watch it.  I am told that “All movie charges will appear as ‘room service’ on your bill”.  But we all know that my employer will think that I am watching porn.  I want the movie charge to appear as “Narnia flick” on my bill.  What should I do?

Grammar

24 April, 2006
Posted in: Work

Me: So, for a list it’s colon, item, semicolon, item, semicolon, item, semicolon, and, final item; not item, and, semicolon, final item.

22 year old trainee:  Do you realise that we are the only people in the world having this conversation?


Work

18 April, 2006
Posted in: Work

A friend of mine who is an employment barrister has advised me not to blog about work. I feel that this is good advice but here I am ignoring it. I suppose that this is what good advice is for.

But surely, it’s alright, if I want to say good things? On Sunday, Mr. Waffle said to me “hang in there we go back to work on Tuesday” and I smiled feebly.

The other day I got a call from a friend and former colleague.

Him: You’re back at work then.
Me: Yup.
Him: How are you finding it?
Me: It’s great actually.
Him: It’s grim here.
Me: My boss is fantastic.
Him: I’m up to my tonsils.
Me: And my staff are bright, hardworking, pleasant and (very important this) obliging.
Him (suggestion of gritted teeth): Good for you.
Me (sunnily): And I have just the right amount of work, not so much that I am stressed, not so little that I am bored.
Him (definite gritted teeth): Marvellous.
Me: And I got a call from one of the boss of bosses today and she said that a) she was delighted I was pleased with the flowers she sent to me on the birth of the boys and b) she had the picture of them that I sent with my thank you card on her desk and c) she is in Brussels in a couple of weeks with the top boss and perhaps we could all go for a nice lunch.
Him: Lovely for you. (Reflective pause) You know, it should always be like that.
Me: But it isn’t, I feel as though the gods have conspired to make everything in my working life perfect.
Him (maliciously): You working mothers hate your children, don’t you?

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