My brother has a friend who is an actuary, I introduced him to my daughter thus, “This is your uncle’s friend, do you know what he does for a living? He works out when people will die.” He began to protest mildly but herself turned to him and said with great sangfroid, “You work in insurance then, do you?”
Poor Parenting
Daniel: I had a nightmare.
Me: What happened?
Daniel: I was playing the x-box and a monster came out and attacked me.
I fear we may have over-indulged somewhat on the x-box although, as all he plays is FIFA 13, I am at a loss to work out where the monster comes from. Insert your own joke about Arsène Wenger here.
It’s so unfair!
Me: Daniel, shut the door behind you please.
Him: Slave driver!
For the Record
Daniel lost another tooth on June 19. He’s still enjoying sticking his tongue through the gap.
Science and Religion
Daniel: There’s no gravity on the moon.
Me: Actually there is, it’s just less.
Herself: Why is that?
Me: Well objects kind of attract stuff to them and the larger the object the harder it attracts – the moon is much smaller than the earth so gravity is less. At least, I think that’s how it works.
Herself: Are we lighter on the moon?
Me: Um, I think this is about the difference between mass and weight. Let me think, you have the same mass everywhere but your weight is different because of gravity.
Daniel: Is there mass on the moon?
Me: Yes, that’s it, mass is the same everywhere.
Daniel: Do they have churches on the moon?
The Challenges of Parenting Small Boys
Daniel: I fooled you!
Me: How did you do that?
Daniel: You told me not to wear yesterday’s socks again today.
Me: And you didn’t, you can’t fool me, that’s not the pair you were wearing yesterday.
Him: But look what is under today’s pair!