I appear to have secured gainful employment. I will be starting at the end of the month. I may even like the job. I have already begun to spend my first month’s salary. You may congratulate me.
So this will be a big change for me and my girl. Princess will be spending her days in the creche and I will be rejoining the world of adults. To be honest, we’re both a bit apprehensive. Well, she would be, I’m sure, if she had the remotest idea what was coming.
The past year has been hard. I have found it more difficult than I ever imagined it could be to be home alone with a small child. Even the most perfect small child in the world. And of course the stream of rejection letters landing on the doormat hasn’t helped my mood either.
I must pay tribute to my loving husband who never once reproached me for my inability to find a job. Who never objected to paying all the shoe bills. Who never ever in all the time I was off work asked “what do you do with yourself all day?”. Who never said “it’s so easy for you at home, not having to work”. ( I don’t think that he ever thought that either and let’s give some credit to my mother-in-law here, the woman who said “it’s much easier for him going out to work than for you staying at home, he’s very lucky, work is sociable, you know” – he must have absorbed right-on vibes at home). And he always thought I was brilliant and potential employers were stupid. Except obviously, the people who’ve taken me on. And he’s going to take me out to dinner on Friday night to celebrate.
Though I am delighted to be going back to work, it’s not the unmitigated delight it would have been, if I were not a mother. I am worried about my baby. Worried that she will be unhappy. Worried that she will miss me. Worried that she won’t understand what’s going on. Worried that I will miss an important part of her life that I should perhaps be there for. But I am also hopeful that she will understand or at least feel how much happier I am (though of course this does depend on the job being as entertaining as I hope it will be, my friend D has pointed out to me that it’s not all coffee breaks, which is a disappointment).
I realise that, objectively,on the scale of things which people have to deal with, my life was more or less perfect, but for me it was difficult at times. Looking after my little girl is getting easier now and she has a personality and she is fun and I love her dearly, but, just between you and me, she’s still not the great conversationalist I think that she will be some day. I miss adult conversation. There were days when the only adult conversation I had was with my husband before and after his day at work. Sometimes the days would stretch out in front of me and I would think “what the hell am I going to do?” We have visited every museum and playground in the greater Brussels area several times. We have shopped. We have set up camp in the Glam Potter’s house and F’s house on alternate days (my only friends who do not work full time). But you can’t see someone 4 times a week. Really, you can’t. Often I was tempted, but you can’t. Maybe it would have been easier in Ireland with our families around, I don’t know. Maybe it’s easier for other people, but, you know, I doubt it. Before I was at home full-time, I used to think that non-working mothers had copped out of the world of work. That they couldn’t hack it and had gone for the easy option. Obviously, I would never have said that in a million years, but I thought it. Now, I know, I was wrong. I am going back to work, I’ve gone for the easier option. Full-time mothers, I salute you.
on 10 November 2004 at 11:43
As I am childless I can’t imagine that feeling yet…
Have a salutation sweetie on me. 1 Sweetie(s) given
Comment Modified) Well done waffle. And just think of all the news you and the Princess will have to share with each other in the evenings.
She’ll love using her imperious tones and high IQ on her subjects in the creche ….
on 10 November 2004 at 12:00
Go Waffle! Thrilled for you. How wonderful and terrifying. Well done you.
on 10 November 2004 at 12:18
Congratulations on getting a job
and Congratulations on all that time at home with only a littl’un for conversation and NOT having gone completely bonkers as a result.
on 10 November 2004 at 13:27
Fantastic news! Will you be able to blog from work though?
on 10 November 2004 at 16:47
But what about MY needs? How am I going to waste time at work if you don’t have time to blog?
No, seriously, congrats.
Shall we start an office pool on when you start wishing you were a full time mum again?
on 11 November 2004 at 02:08
Woo-hoo! Congratulations. It isn’t all coffee breaks, but there are lunch breaks too.
on 11 November 2004 at 12:58
Comment Modified) Thank you, thank you, one and all. I am pleased but apprehensive as well (special thanks to HJB and Bobble -sweeties!). Thank you also for note of concern re blog, we will see whether I will be able to blog at work. FT, if you want to waste time at work, I suggest that you start your own blog. Beth I am delighted to note your point re lunch breaks which I had entirely forgotten.
on 14 November 2004 at 19:33
Bloody hell, I don’t believe it. I’ve been here since (almost) the start, been feeling your pain on the rejection front, been enjoying your optimism on the next possible job front – and then I miss the ‘actually got a job’ post. Curses. My deepest apologies.But hey, my warmest congratulations! Well feckin’ done – am highly happy for you. Though of course it now sounds as if you won’t be looking for work in the homeland and giving me another option to have lunchtime grub and pints with. Ah well, I’ll survive. Can I ask what general area the job is in / what you’ll be doing? (without you having to go into details…) 1 Sweetie(s) given
on 16 November 2004 at 14:31
No, no Locotes, you have been here since the start. Thank you for your congratulations, much appreciated. Job is dull but worthy. Well, I hope that I will find it interesting, obviously…
on 16 November 2004 at 16:58
Dull but worthy….sounds good. Or bad. Or a bit of both. I can’t tell actually. From that description it could be a doctor or a McDonald’s server. Hopefully somewhere in the middle.