belgianwaffle

Archives for November 2004

Part the tenth


Posted in: The tale of Lazy Jack Silver

Maureen left the room, head bowed, deep in concentration and missed the silent figure
standing at the edge of the entrance hall.  As soon as Waffle knew they were alone she turned to Heather and in her soft, Cork voice she said, “I think we may have a problem.”

“Problem,darling?  Why for” Heather sipped at her dry martini and tilted her head towards Waffle.  “You don’t mean.?”“That is exactly what I mean.” Waffle took her champagne glass in her dainty manicured
hand and sighed.  “I couldnÂ’’t say no to him.  You understand?” She smiled ruefully.  “He knows too much.  Sometimes I feel as if he has me in his power.”  She shuddered and her red silk dress rippled across her perfect, slender body.
Whilst Heather understood WaffleÂ’’s situation she was apprehensive at the thought that
Friar Tuck was in the Schloss.  It had been so long since she had had anything to do with that monk.  Would no one save her from this turbulent priest, she thought, wondering if she should make a note of that particular phrase, given its originality.
“We really donÂ’’ t need Friar Tuck here, Waffle.  Is it possible that we could distract him with some sort of..”

Suddenly the lights dimmed and a screamechoed through the Schloss.  Waffle looked at Heather, her blue eyes brimming with tears.  “It is okay?” she gasped.
“Maureen understands?”

“Of course she understands.  It’Â’ll be fine” she said in an impatient tone.  “Frankly, I’Â’m
far more concerned about you bringing the priest with you.  He is not what he seems.” Heather turned around and called “Friar Tuck, I know youÂ’’re here.  Show yourself to me.”

Slowly, the hooded figure moved towards the two women. As he came closer Heather held her hands to her face, the crimson nail varnish clashing violently with her ashen complexion.  Turning to Waffle she sobbed, “How can this be so?”

Another scream echoed through the Schloss.

Comments
Friar Tuck

on 02 November 2004 at 03:22

*blushes*
Yes, I’m still able!

poggle

on 02 November 2004 at 11:54

Oh Brother …..

belgianwaffle

on 02 November 2004 at 19:44

Another thrilling installment from my co-author! Fab.

Friar Tuck

on 02 November 2004 at 21:13

This is not a complaint–indeed, this thing reads like a good Michener or Le Carre novel–but could you make me a little more Grey Eminence-like. I’ve always aspired to that.
Pog, don’t get me started with the “Is he a French friar or a chip monk” stuff.

belgianwaffle

on 03 November 2004 at 11:03

FT, email winging it’s way to you explaining how your character will develop…har di har.

poggle

on 03 November 2004 at 11:22

You seem to have some Prior knowledge, Friar Tuck …..

belgianwaffle

on 03 November 2004 at 11:33

Am I the only person in blogland who can’t do poor puns?

poggle

on 03 November 2004 at 11:53

‘poor’? Hmf 😉

belgianwaffle

on 03 November 2004 at 12:39

Well, I can’t do good ones either Pog..

poggle

on 03 November 2004 at 12:51

Me neither.

The fate of the free world


Posted in: Miscellaneous

The Americans are voting.  The rest of us are holding our breath.

Very excitingly, Beth has an entry all about it as requested by me.  It is true, the Americans are the most polite people in the world.

And finally, got this text message from the best dressed diplomat who is being diplomatic in New York:

“Overheard, kid to mother: Mom, did you hear that a Kerry Edwards hot air balloon landed in Central Park?

Mom: Yes.

Kid: Mom, who’s Kerry Edwards?”

Comments
Friar Tuck

on 03 November 2004 at 05:18

In case a certain presidential candidate-I will not specify which one-is re-elected, would you have a spare room where I could crash for the next four years?

belgianwaffle

on 03 November 2004 at 11:04

Well, FT, it’s not looking like it’s going to be Kerry Edwards, is it?

Vomit in the Netherlands


Posted in: Princess

We went to the Hague last weekend to stay with an old friend of Mr. Waffle’s.  The Dutch Mama is originally from North Cork, but having married a very tall Dutch man and having lived in the Netherlands for many years she has become a fluent Dutch speaker.  I do find it odd but, as she tells me severely “Dutch is not difficult.”  So the DM and her husband have two children, a little boy of 2 ½  who looks very Irish and speaks Dutch with a most impressive guttural g sound and English with a Cork accent. The Princess had her first crush and she trotted round the room after him saying “Bonjour, bonjour” while he, taking this adulation as his due, allowed her to play with his toys while making his impressive guttural noises.  The handsome prince has a cute little sister of 8 months but she was of no interest to our lovelorn girl.  By the end of the weekend, she was able to say the little boy’s name clearly but still referred to his sister dismissively as “baby”.

On Saturday, the weather was beautiful and we went to the beach.  While the men built sandcastles, the women saved the children from drowning.  It was all very exciting.  At one stage Mr. Waffle and Mr. DM were busy digging a hole while the Prince and Princess looked on longingly. Eventually the DM looked over and said reprovingly “I think you should let the children have one of the spades.”

Saturday night we ventured out.  All very pleasant.  We came home, however, to find a sick baby.  She had just woken up and as I took her into my arms she spewed onto me, herself and the carpet. Alas.  The DM had spares of everything and after mopping up we took her into bed with us.  And she threw up all over us (of course).  The DM proved her mettle, got up at 4 a.m. and supplied fresh everything all over again.  The following day we thought that the worst was over and drove to the park.  The Princess threw up all over the car seat. The handsome Prince’s car seat (being manly, and Dutch, he was travelling by bike with his Poppa) . The DM, stopped the car, provided spare clothes and we wiped up and washed up and proceded to the park where herself had a great time playing with bunnies while we worried whether she was really ill or this was the end of it.

What with the worry and everything, we were distracted and we arrived back at the house to find that Doggy was MISSING.  Yes, we had a sick child and her Doggy was lost.  The DM, who had to give her own kids lunch and who, you know, had better things to do, drove Mr. Waffle back to the park to find Doggy. I was torn between severe mortification and overwhelming gratitude.  And they found him.  The reunion between Princess and vomit flavoured canine companion was touching.  And she was fine all afternoon although she didn’t eat much.  But then that night, she decided to really test the DM’s resolve and sheet and towel supply and she was sick a number of times.  And we were worried.  And Monday morning, she was listless and miserable and sick on the DM’s kitchen floor (which the DM wiped up in her work clothes while Mr. Waffle and I stood about wringing our hands – is there no end to the woman’s virtue?). But upon reaching the fastness of her castle in Brussels, the Princess rallied and I am pleased to report that today she is entirely mended.

Meanwhile, back in the Hague, the DM is putting on her 14th lot of washing and handwashing the handsome Prince’s car seat.  But we had such a nice time (really despite the vomiting), that I want to go again.  The DMs are great fun. The Hague is lovely. What’s not to like? Mr. Waffle feels we should maybe give them a short break before going again though. Can’t imagine why.

Comments
NorahSplog

on 03 November 2004 at 12:18

The princess adopts the same approach to wooing crushes as I do.

belgianwaffle

on 03 November 2004 at 12:38

Pog, yes, perhaps it is their turn…Norah, including the vomiting?

NorahSplog

on 03 November 2004 at 13:08

Sometimes.

Part the eleventh


Posted in: The tale of Lazy Jack Silver

Jojo came into the pub looking flustered. She saw Pog’s slender figure and elfin features in a distant corner. When Jojo arrived Pog effortlessly dispersed the crowd of admirers who were hovering hopefully around her table.
“Well”, said Jojo, “what have you got?”

Pog raised an eyebrow.

Jojo was not in the mood for enigmatic, she had had a lot of enigmatic recently and, frankly, she didn’t feel that it was all it was cracked up to be. She sighed.

Pog sensing that her elfin good looks were not going to dissipate Jojo’s ire, cut to the chase.

“Look Jojo, it’s like this, I saw LJS, unconscious, leaving the bar with two women, one of them I didn’t recognise but the other looked remarkably like Norah Splogg”.

“Norah Splogg, nobel prize winning astrophysist and best-selling author?” asked Jojo in tones of deep scepticism.

“Norah Splogg, blog assasin and agent of HJB” countered Pog.

Jojo gasped. Could it be?  Pog’s information was always good but she had never heard a whisper of this.

Pog raised her other eyebrow. It was a party trick and she liked to practise.

“Well” snapped Jojo, “what of it?”

“I’ve been doing some work for the army and I think I can get them to bring us to Heather’s Schloss” said Pog.

“What now?” asked Jojo startled.

“Yes now” said Pog impatiently “listen Jojo, don’t you realise that Heather has been wanting to get her hands on LJS for years. God knows what will happen if he stays in that Schloss. We haven’t got a moment to lose.  Our only advantage is surprise, Heather doesn’t know that we are on to her.”

Jojo’s head span. “Damn it, Pog, we don’t even know that Heather’s involved. He could be at home in Bishopstown. And the Swiss police could get very difficult if we turn up and it’s all a false alarm”.

Pog raised both her eyebrows.

Jojo ran her hands through her perfectly cut and styled hair. “Oh alright Pog, let’s go” she said crossly.

They got up and left immediately only pausing for Jojo to ring her babysitter and explain that she might be a little late.

Comments
Bobble

on 03 November 2004 at 12:45

*looks on in admiration of mobile eyebrowage*

cha0tic

on 03 November 2004 at 12:54

Can you curl your lip as well Pog?

poggle

on 03 November 2004 at 12:55

Um. No. And I have tried on several occasions. The Elvis sneer is beyond me, I’m afraid.
The shame of it.
on 03 November 2004 at 13:15

You could try having your lip & Eyebrow pierced, then joining them with fishing line. Voila! Raise your eyebrow A la Spock & you get the instant Elvis sneer as well. I’m sure it would look very attractive 🙂

poggle

on 03 November 2004 at 13:26

Oooooh ….
*grabs hole-punch*

NorahSplog

on 03 November 2004 at 16:59

And in real life I am terribly cool too. Oh yes.

poggle

on 03 November 2004 at 17:03

She is y’know. No cheese on her suede skirts, no sirree. Not never. Nohow.

L JS

on 03 November 2004 at 21:18

Oh….. this is getting better. Carried off by NorahSplogg and a beautiful and nubile young accomplice – who’s probably a research assistant.

Bobble

on 03 November 2004 at 21:59

Thanks LJS ;o)

Locotes

on 05 November 2004 at 17:09

I enjoyed that. The eyebrow part in particular had me *chortle*ing. For the record, I can do both eyebrows and the lip curl. Form an orderly queue ladies…Where did Bishopstown come from though?

belgianwaffle

on 06 November 2004 at 11:56

Hello there, glad you are all having fun w/pog’s eyebrows. Loc, just liked the idea of a super hero living somewhere as banal as Bishopstown.

Double standards


Posted in: Siblings

My brother came for a lightening mid-week visit.  It was very nice to see him.  I find that family make for relaxing visitors.  My brother arrived and slung his coat over the chair and I barked “hang that up”.  With other visitors, I tend to say “Will I hang that up for you or would you prefer to leave it there on the chair?”  He went out with some friends on Wednesday night and I said to him “Take off your shoes when you come in and tiptoe down the corridor.  I swear to God, if you wake my baby, I will rend you limb from limb”.  With other visitors, I tend to say “ok, see you later then, we might be in bed when you come in, but we’ll leave a light on and, oh, don’t worry about the baby, she sleeps like a log”.  Still, I don’t think many visitors would ring me in the early hours of Thursday morning and say without a trace of guilt or shame “Where is it you live again, I’ve forgotten and the taxi driver needs to know”.

Swings and roundabouts then.

Comments
jackdalton

on 05 November 2004 at 11:59

I wish I had a sister like you…. 🙁 0

Locotes

on 05 November 2004 at 17:00

I’m highly suspicious he did that on purpose to teach his overly-strict sis a lesson…

belgianwaffle

on 06 November 2004 at 11:55

Norah, thank you, and a sweetie too. Jack, really?? Loc, no, that’s how he is. He is a middle child who prides himself on his vagueness, he was also born under a lucky star.

jackdalton

on 06 November 2004 at 12:12

yep… really.
on 06 November 2004 at 12:35

Jack, am touched. You clearly have no older sister of your own who used to torture you…poor Jack.

Friar Tuck

on 06 November 2004 at 17:28

Hey, I resent the implicatoins of your “middle chlid” comment!
BTW, would you mind taking care of those misspellings? Thanks.

belgianwaffle

on 08 November 2004 at 10:02

FT, v. funny.

Isn’t it obvious?


Posted in: Princess

Princess : Pees, pees.

Me: Sweetheart, would you like some ehm toast?

Princess: No (more insistently) pees, pees.

Mr. Waffle: Tu veux un biberon?

Me: No, she knows how to ask for a bottle.

Princess: Bockle, bockle, bockle.

Rush for the kitchen, Princess is presented with a bottle which she angrily dashes from the hand that feeds her.

Princess: Pees, pees, pees.

Me: Would you like some frozen peas? (She does sometimes, honestly).

Princess (in mounting volume and indignation): NO, pees, pees, pees.

She points imperiously to the cupboard.

Mr. Waffle: Tu veux un biscuit?

Princess smiles and nods. Biscuit is produced. She dashes it to the floor.

Princess: Pees, pees, pees. Points imperiously to cupboard where breakfast cereal is kept.

Me (hopefully): Rice krispies sweetheart?

Princess (vigourous head nodding):  Yes, oui, yeah, pees.

Comments
belgianwaffle

on 06 November 2004 at 12:32

Ah, you’re just bitter because of pog. Am I right in my understanding of your last post? You went to Limerick to be cheered up? Are you mad, man?? And I note that it is your blogging birthday. Happy anniversary.

jackdalton

on 06 November 2004 at 12:50
(
Comment Modified) Pog shmog…. I get over women easily. It’s getting out from under, without waking anyone that’s the ?1m challenge…
😉
And Limerick is grand in small doses; once or twice every ten years or so seems to work well for me…

Bobble

on 06 November 2004 at 14:09

Glad it’s not just me having communication problems today then.

Friar Tuck

on 06 November 2004 at 17:31

I guessed rice krispies immediately. Can’t understand why it wasn’t obvious to everyone.

lauren35

on 07 November 2004 at 19:24

I thought maybe she wanted a pea under her matress to prove she was a true princess..

belgianwaffle

on 08 November 2004 at 09:56

Bobble, regret your difficulties, did you too have trouble getting your breakfast cereal of choice from idiot parents? FT, you Americans are so smart. Lauren, I like that.

Bobble

on 08 November 2004 at 10:25

No my boyfriend delivered my breakfast of choice superbly (fruit museli) but my communication was not up to much with the polish builders who are making my life hell at the moment.

belgianwaffle

on 08 November 2004 at 10:50

Ah, alas, poor Bobble. I have been reading about your travails.

poggle

on 08 November 2004 at 12:40

Nice abbreviation from the Princess ….
And as for you, doc – ‘pog schmog’?
I’m gutted.

belgianwaffle

on 08 November 2004 at 13:52

No, no, pog, you’re not gutted, you’re absolutely indifferent to him. Also you know that deep down he adores you and would come back to you in a heartbeat if only you would have him.

poggle

on 08 November 2004 at 14:53

Yes of course. That’s exactly what I meant. Well spotted.