Miscellaneous

Efforts to make me the kind of person you could safely introduce to polite society continue apace.  When I say anything
untoward, the Princess says “don’t say (insert appropriate swear word)
Mummy”.  She seems to recognise the words
from the tone in which I say them and usually sheÂ’s right though the other day
she said “don’t say believe me Mummy” and I was able to reassure her that that
was entirely kosher.  At breakfast with
her grandparents, while they were visiting, I was foolish enough to say “shag
it”.

“Don’t say shag it Mummy”

“What else can’t Mummy say?” asked an agent
provocateur and to my absolute horror my daughter proceeded as follows:

DonÂ’t say damn it Mummy

DonÂ’t say fuck it Mummy

DonÂ’t say feck it Mummy

DonÂ’t say God Almighty Mummy

DonÂ’t say Sweet Jesus Mummy

And was only shut up by being bundled from the
table by her mortified mother.

Bobble

on 04 November 2005 at 09:56

I think a career in the government beckons. Remind me if I have children to bring them up on the ‘Waffle Model’. 0
Sweetie(s) given    

Locotes

on 04 November 2005 at 12:34

It appears Mummy swears quite a lot. And with some hefty variety too. Well, you have two new brains to mould to your swearing ways now… 0
Sweetie(s) given    

beachhutman

on 04 November 2005 at 19:33

When my girl was very young and I’d take her to the swings, she had a squeal, very loud, calling for another shove. Unfortunately it sounded a hell of a lot like “Fuck”, and I collected a LOT of stares! 0
Sweetie(s) given    

poggle

on 05 November 2005 at 07:55

My nephew (then 3) was playing with his new train set – one of those lovely wooden ones that uses magnets to connect the carriages after a hefty Christmas lunch. As the carriages were pulled over a humpbacked bridge, the rear ones gave up and rolled back down the track. He kneeled up, put his chubby fists on his hips and intoned: “Well, fuck me!”.
Cue various adults purple-faced and weeping trying to stifle their mirth and my sister silently mouthing other obscenities at her partner – the guilty party. 0
Sweetie(s) given    

jackdalton

on 05 November 2005 at 12:00

You should see the impact that “Where’s my fookin spoon?” can have on a restaurant until it becomes clear that the young lady in question is actually asking her (inexperienced)babysitter for a fork and spoon. 0
Sweetie(s) given    

Kate_Sith

on 07 November 2005 at 10:46

My sister dropped something and in an attempt to stop swearing quite so much in front of her children said ‘Oh shhh-ugar’ to which the response from her 3 year old was ‘Why did you just nearly say shit, mummy?’ 0
Sweetie(s) given    

belgianwaffle

on 07 November 2005 at 14:45

Oooh, I do like all the other swearing stories. Thank you people. Ladyjane, think shag it is nationwide but prepared to hear arguments for Limerick. 0
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I was driving along sedately when a little
voice from the back seat piped up “Slow down Mummy”.  “IÂ’m not going fast” I said indignantly.  “IÂ’m scared” she said reproachfully. This is
what your offspring will be like if you are bossy and your spouse is cautious.

Speaking of bossy, I was singing a French
schlocky song to myself “Je viens de chanter la chanson, la chanson des gens
heureux” when Madam interrupted me “Not “la chanson” Mummy, “la ballade””.  How did I end up living with two people who
are always right?

Final example of imperial bossiness: chatting to my husband at dinner last night, we
were interrupted by our daughter banging her fork on the table and saying in
loud and petulant tones “talk to ME!”.

Minkleberry

on 27 October 2005 at 14:41

she sounds like me 0
Sweetie(s) given    

Bobble

on 02 November 2005 at 12:45

I thought I was a child genius. Now I know I was just bossy. Gah. 0
Sweetie(s) given    

belgianwaffle

on 03 November 2005 at 11:27

Mike, that sounds hard… but very worthwhile.
Minks, Bobblem what delightful children you must have been… 0
Sweetie(s) given    

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You may be familiar with the Alessi range of products: attractive, expensive
and deeply impractical.  I am the proud
owner of Floss Man or “interdental thread holder in light
blue” as he is known on the Alessi website (maybe not the best translation from
the Italian).  For Floss Man to work you
need to thread the floss through his mouth. 
ItÂ’s easier for a camel to enter the eye of a needle, I assure you.  Yesterday I, mother of a toddler and infant
twins spent 10 minutes threading Floss Man.  There are times when I wonder whether I am
insane.

belgianwaffle

on 03 November 2005 at 11:32

JD, surely some mistake..
FT, probably better not. 0
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The other night, Mr. Waffle and I were sitting
in (as opposed to the evenings we are out tripping the light fantastic) and it
was bucketing rain ouside.

Me: Is there anything nicer than sitting inside
warm, dry and comfy when itÂ’s cold and wet outside?

Him (pause): Well, the entire tourism and
leisure industries are predicated on the belief that, in fact, there is.

groupie

on 26 October 2005 at 12:40

And what about camping? The best bit about being in a tent is when you can hear the rain on the canvas outside, and you get to snuggle down inside your sleeping bag and drink whiskey – surely? 0
Sweetie(s) given    

beachhutman

on 26 October 2005 at 19:31

Sound man, Mr W. 0
Sweetie(s) given    

belgianwaffle

on 27 October 2005 at 11:24

Um, maybe Mike. Groupie, this was never a feature of camping holidays with my parents; I mean the whiskey. BHM, eh? 0
Sweetie(s) given    

beachhutman

on 28 October 2005 at 23:51

Very sound. Logical. Very sound and logical. And intelligent. Sound, very, and logical and intelligent.
Where did you find him ? 0
Sweetie(s) given    

belgianwaffle

on 03 November 2005 at 11:27

in front of a fridge guarding beer. 0
Sweetie(s) given    

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In hospital, people were constantly sticking
needles into me.  One nurse said
“Vous avez des veines comme un bûcheron”.   I asked Mr. Waffle why they would say that I had veins like a cork (comme
un bouchon).  He looked surprised then
asked “could it have been “comme un bûcheron?’” Ah yes, that was it, what does that
mean?  “Like a woodcutter”.  Fantastic, kick the patient when she’s down.

belgianwaffle

on 27 October 2005 at 11:21

I dunno Mike but I wish I did.
Kristin, indeed.. 0
Sweetie(s) given    

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July – France
August – Brussels
September – Brussels
November – Chicago

I rang home yesterday and she was out so I had, quite possibly, my
longest phone conversation ever with my father (5 minutes and 12
seconds).  Normally I say “Hello Daddy, it’s me” and he says “I’ll
get your mother”.  Anyhow, he said “she’s off getting our tickets
for France”.  What?  “Yes, we’re off to France on Wednesday,
we need to stock up on wine”.   Good grief, it’s non-stop
travel for the loving parents.

And in other news, the twins are exactly four weeks old as I write and
I am still alive.  Though tired.  Very tired.  And also
getting very good at typing with one hand.

JoJo

on 25 October 2005 at 14:22

I can’t believe you are doing so much blogging. Are you sure those lovely boys are real??? 0
Sweetie(s) given    

Minkleberry

on 25 October 2005 at 15:38

4 weeks old- and still alive. You are my inspiration. 0
Sweetie(s) given    

jackdalton

on 25 October 2005 at 16:53

So is that two weeks each or four for both. If you know what I mean…. 😉 0
Sweetie(s) given    

belgianwaffle

on 26 October 2005 at 11:08

Thanks Norah. Oh yeah, they’re real alright Jojo, but they mostly come out at night.
Renee, fathers, they have a lot in common.
I know Minks, amazing, thank you.
That would be 4 each smarty pants.
FT, YES. 0
Sweetie(s) given    

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