belgianwaffle

Princess’s vocabulary at age eighteen months


Posted in: Princess

Personages of the royal household

Our courtiers can be divided into human and non-human. Among the humans, most important are Mama and Papa (a.k.a Daddy). Other courtiers, including our ambassadors abroad, are Genia, Dida, Nicolicola and Nana. Opinion is divided on whether Nana is a specific person, or a general category including Granny and Granddad.Chief of the non-human courtiers is of course Doggy, a.k.a Goggy or Chien-chien. As in all courts, the order of precedence for lesser courtiers constantly changes: recently, Lola has been in the ascendant, but her star may be waning in favour of Hop-Hop.

Other persons

Outside our kingdom, there are other independent monarchs who are known to us but do not pay us allegiance. These include  baby L*** and her mother. Another personage of unknown but impressive powers is Louis.

Expressing the royal will

The royal will can be expressed with few words. Oui/yes and no/non suffice for many occasions (the latter is especially firm when required). Commands can be expressed by down, up, back, catch, more, là, there, this, ça, and manger or by a suitable noun (e.g. bottle). When pleased, we have been known to say nice. Events which are displeasing to us can be communicated by ow, bump, bold and another word our mother is keen for us to forget. When mingling with commoners, we have a suitable range of small-talk to put them at their ease: hi, allo, bonjour, voilà, now so, coucou, all gone, bye-bye, au revoir and OK. When in Italy we learned ciao ciao so as to repay the homage given by the locals. At times the attention is overwhelming and we feel shy. Our royal status means that many things are given to us as our due, but we are at least familiar with merci and ta ta.

Science and culture

We are a Renaissance princess, highly cultivated and familiar with a range of natural sciences. It is often our royal will that the courtiers should bring us a book/livre and enthrall us with The Cat in the Hat or the Dinosaurs.

This has given us a wide acquaintance with popular culture: we like the chorus from She’ll be Coming Round the Mountain where we go yay yay yay and slap the royal knee. Another favourite with actions is “Row Row Row Your Boat” which is accompanied by suitable rowing actions and the words row row and may may may for merrily merrily. This can cause confusion with songs from the Gallic side of things: the popular favourite “It était un petit navire” has a line which goes “sur la mer Mé mé méditerrannée” and again is commanded by a subtly different mé mé sound. On the other hand, Meunier tu dors is unmistakable and is our only complete sentence.

In addition, from our books we are familiar with aspects of the animal kingdom: while out on the street, we are easily able to identify a bow-bow (or woof ) or a miaow, quack-quacks and cheep-cheeps. Thanks to our book Lion Misses Breakfast we are also familiar with lions, known to us as roar. Lions are often seen in Brussels. Our knowledge of animals which go moo, baa, neigh, eew-aww and bawk bawk (hens to the uninitiated) is a little more theoretical but we can still recognise them in pictures.

From the vegetable kingdom, we know leaf, flower and daisy (which triggers another song). All fruit on trees are called apple. One of our first words at the seaside, after sea, was shell, and we are able to spot fish at all stages from the wave to the plate.

We have a firm grasp of human anatomy, at least as regards the head: nez/nose, bouche, oreille/ear, teeth, eye/oeil, chin. Beyond this, things are more sketchy: we know knuckle, tummy, thumb, toe and possibly knee. We have an elementary grounding in medicine: cough and atchoo. We are on firmer ground in physics: hot/chaud, wet, cold and l’eau.

Food and drink

Like Louis XIV, we sometimes have a “petite levée” (when the monarch rises, attended by a small number of courtiers) and a “grande levée” (attended by the whole court). Unlike the Sun King’s court, our operations run 24 hours a day. A petite levée at 3 or 5 in the morning will be an informal affair, in which the monarch will call for lait/milk or simply boccle (a.k.a. bottle). At the grande levée, the monarch will often have porridge and toast (pronounced tote); occasionally she will take an egg. These are consumed in the royal high chair, before the Princess has donned her attire for the day. As a result, it is wise to have a bib. When out and about, the princess will sometimes call for some Giga (a.k.a. Liga) or baisins (a.k.a. raisins). She eats chicken, fish and cake and may help her mother to drink tea. She also likes pain (bread). After a meal, she will sometimes eat a bape (grape).  Meals are eaten with a spoon and the end of a royal meal is announced by “all gone.”

Exploring our kingdom

When leaving the palace to explore our kingdom, we dress as befits a princess: shoes, socks, tights and a coat. It may be necessary to changer our nappy before putting on these items.  If it is cold we may wear a scarf and hat. Many of these clothes fasten with a biz (zip). They require frequent trips to the wash. Our kingdom is sometimes damp if so, our attendant brings a brella (umbrella).

On leaving, our attendant locks the royal palace with a key (on our return, the captain of the guard will open the door if we knock). We often take the lift to where the car/voiture awaits traffic often provides an occasion to say beep beep. If we wish to mingle with our subjects, we take the tram or bus and wave regally to lucky commuters. If we see a baby, we may issue special greetings. Very rarely we take a train, and we do not quite connect it with our toy choo choo.

Unwinding in the evening

One favourite ritual is the royal bain (bath). As the day comes to an end, we go into the room where our mother takes her shower. No such rushed ablutions for us: after a luxurious soak and a splash with our toys (a ball/balle is especially good for getting everything wet) a courtier covers us with a warm towel. Hop là ! A cuddle, a night night and it’s time for dodo.

Text drafted by our royal father and approved by us.

Given under our royal hand and seal on the 17th day of October 2004 at our castle of Brussels in this the 18th month of our reign.

P.R.

Comments
dmts

on 18 October 2004 at 08:51

brilliant.

Bobble

on 18 October 2004 at 11:00

Fabulous. This has made Mr Bobble want children even more.
*oh heavens*

poggle

on 18 October 2004 at 12:24

Lovely, waffle .

silveretta

on 18 October 2004 at 23:35

Excellent.

belgianwaffle

on 19 October 2004 at 19:57

Thank you one and all on my loving spouse’s behalf. Silver, do you mean the sweetie or are you stirring? Too late now anyway, we’ve eaten it.

silveretta

on 19 October 2004 at 22:53

Waffle – I meant it most sincerely.

belgianwaffle

on 28 October 2004 at 12:38

Ok, then Silver.

Car hire outrage


Posted in: Miscellaneous

I was thinking about going to visit my parents in Cork for a week in November.  And I was thinking that I would hire a car to get myself and her highness from Shannon to Cork.  And it is criminally expensive.  Which of the following charges would you describe as unreasonable:

– 40 euro per day extra for baby car seat hire

– 25 euro per day location surcharge (if you pick up the car in an airport or a city location: um where do car hire offices usually live?)

– 50 euro drop off charge if you leave the car off somewhere different from where you picked it up.

And I haven’t even paid for the bloody car yet.  I only wanted it for the day to get me up and down to Shannon.  I fear that if we are to go at all, my poor parents may be pressed into service.  Or, I suppose, oh horror, we could get the bus.

Comments
glowstars

on 17 October 2004 at 00:50

I’d only go for the bus if the journey is relatively short and it comes complete with either toilets or stopping points.
Nope, I’d draught in your parents! lol

Locotes

on 17 October 2004 at 20:41

Well I’m assuming that Cork don’t do Belgian flights? I’m trying to remember how long a drive it is to Shannon – would the bus be that bad? (Don’t get me wrong, I hate buses and avoid long trips like the plague). Maybe you’re more worried about herself and the almost inevitable noisy tantrum that will lead to evil looks from fellow passengers.But yes, that does sound like crazy money, especially for the seat, just bring your own! So if it’s not too stressful for them, I’d do some parent-roping.

belgianwaffle

on 17 October 2004 at 21:30

Jack, it’s a hard airport to get to. I would bore you with the details, but I can’t face it. Glowstars, Loc, I think your advice is good and I may well rope in my unfortunate parents.

Part the eighth


Posted in: The tale of Lazy Jack Silver

LJS squeezed through the crowded bar to the quiet of the snug where Bobble was waiting craning her swanlike neck to see where was.

“Here you go” he panted, “God it’s fierce busy out there, let me draw you a Venn diagramme to show you what I mean”.

Bobble snatched away his pen and said “That won’t be necessary LJS”. He took a sip of Beamish and blinked in surprise, it was bitter. “Something’s up” was his last conscious thought. Bobble gazed thoughtfully at the prone figure beside her. Just how had HJB managed that, she wondered. At that very moment, Norah stepped into the snug looking businesslike. “My God, it is you” gasped Bobble “are you working for…” her voice trailed away. “Yes” said Norah, “I’m working for Heather and I’ve just knocked out LJS with something nasty in his pint”. Bobble winced. “Oh it won’t do him any harm” said Norah bracingly. “But, how do you know Heather and why are you involved and..” Norah cut across Bobble’s questions, “No time for that now, we’ve got to get him to the car waiting outside”. “OK” said Bobble, “I just need to go to the bathroom. “Oh” said Norah “I wouldn’t, one of the staff here is a loo nastier, just come on”. They carried LJS outside. It was late now and he was just another punter who’d had too much to drink being lugged home by his friends. They pushed him into the waiting car and sat in beside him pink from the effort of supporting his manly frame. “Gosh” said Bobble “nice big, vroomy car, pity about the dent at the back”. The car pulled out and drove to the airport.

Back in Brussels, Waffle was on a secure line to HJB “I’ve been thinking about it, get Norah in. I have a lever, I’ve seen a man hanging about her place and then, ..”

“That won’t be necessary, darling, everything has been arranged” said Heather smoothly.

Waffle was impressed, you had to hand it to HJB, her network was extraordinary.

“And” continued HJB inperturbably “she’s got LJS, they’re on their way to the airport now.”

“Have they been seen leaving?” asked Waffle urgently.

“No, darling, relax, everything’s fine” said HJB.

Back in the Long Valley, pog reluctantly took out her mobile phone. She was wearing a green skimpy combat vest which looked amazingly attractive on her perfect figure and drew attention to her elfin, Kate Moss like face. This was her bomb defusing outfit and she’d just finished some work for the army and was having a well earned break.
“Jojo hi, it’s pog, I’ve just seen something odd.”

“Pog, hi, where are you?”

“That’s not important, oh actually, it is, I’m in the Long Valley and I’ve just seen LJS leaving the bar with two women, he was out cold”.

“Well, LJS’s drinking and other habits are hardly important to me” said Jojo coldly.

“Well, it’s not like I care either” said pog briskly “I mean our relationship is dead and buried, but… I remember he could always hold his drink, this isn’t like him.” She paused “I think he’s been abducted”.

“Don’t be ridiculous” said Jojo ” who would abduct him?”

“Heather” said pog succinctly.

“Pog, what do you know about this?” asked Jojo in alarm “Look, don’t move, I’m coming round straight away.”

“I’m going nowhere” said Pog picking up her pint and settling back in her chair. It was going to be a long evening.

Comments
Bobbleon 14 October 2004 at 13:22

Have this to be going on with.Now I know why my arms felt tired this morning.

poggleon 14 October 2004 at 13:37

Zowee! This is getting better and better!
(just one little tiny weeny titchy thing – Heather has the Cindy body. I’m more your Kate. Kinda. Ahem….)

belgianwaffleon 14 October 2004 at 13:43

Um, darn (most popular word in the waffle house at the moment replacing the f word, now barred), pog, who’s Kate?
Ta, Norah. Bobble, I’m afraid you have become a bit M&B rose but it’s all your own fault for starting it. I fear you may faint when you see who’s driving the car.

poggleon 14 October 2004 at 13:51

Dearie me, waffle – just how many supermodels are there called Kate? Ay? 😉

Bobbleon 14 October 2004 at 14:31

Me faint? Darn.
I like to think I have hope of redemption though.

belgianwaffleon 14 October 2004 at 20:58

Pog, oh dear, I don’t get much sleep, you know…sigh. Well, Bobble, we’ll see.

Locoteson 17 October 2004 at 21:04

Well obviously the pint took him out – Beamish?!? The man’s a blatant Murphy’s drinker after all – none could resist such a shock to the system when they’re not expecting it. (only with extreme preparation before trips to Dublin). Glad to see that maybe…just maybe…there might be a female character actually sympathetic to his plight. Dressing in skimpy outfits just adds to the enjoyment.Good stuff though waff’, the tension is building nicely.

belgianwaffleon 17 October 2004 at 21:27

Locotes, you feel he’s a Murphy’s drinker, well, I’ll bow to your superior knowledge, matters will be rectified.
Pog, please note amendment.

poggleon 18 October 2004 at 12:02

Mah’vlous, thank you darling. And so true.
*coughs*

Cure for morning sickness


Posted in: Dublin, Ireland, Reading etc.

As you will know, if you have been reading this blog since its humble beginnings (yes, mother, this means you), I am a big fan of fluid pudding.  Before I knew what a blog was, I was pregnant and sick and trawling the internet for fellow sufferers.  And fluid pudding was pregnant too and she had her baby just after I had mine.  And she wrote one of the funniest descriptions of giving birth that I have ever read.  And generally she perked me up.  And now she’s pregnant again, which is all to the good obviously. But she is sick, sick, sick.  And when I was pregnant, I was really miserable and sick also.  So I sympathise. It is in this mood that I encourage you to email sympathy to the fluid one and also that I offer the following: in her misery, fluid’s only comfort has been fantasising about Ben Folds (see Ben Folds Kisses the Orb) for details.  Now, I can give you six degrees of separation from Ben Folds.  Ben Folds is a big buddy of Neil Hannon from the Divine Comedy.  I know this because I went to see a concert they did together and they were all pally on stage and talking about being great buddies.  Since Mr. Hannon was very much the worse for wear, he did a lot of talking about this – you know how when you’re drunk you really want to tell the world what a great person your friend is, well, he did that in spades.  Neil Hannon lives around the corner from my friends M & R (whom I may christen Gaza and Bosnia, for reasons which will become apparent in due course). Really, just around the corner about 10 doors down.  I know this to be true because it was in the Irish Times when he paid an obscene amount of money for it.   As it happens, M will be visiting us next week.  And M knows no shame, so I will give him a description of Mr. Hannon and ask him to become his friend.  It will be no problem for him.  He is good at dealing with neighbours.  Once that link is established it will be easy to get in touch with Mr. Folds and beg him to send you a get well card to the fluid one. I may have a little more difficulty with the intimate venue and the kissing. Leave it with me.

Comments
belgianwaffleon 16 October 2004 at 13:08

We aim to please. Hope you’re feeling a bit perkier.

So, Graham Norton


Posted in: Reading etc.

I just finished Graham Norton’s autobiography and although it is not the kind of thing I would have bought myself, I really enjoyed it, even though I think his programme on the telly is kind of useless. Of course, he is from Cork and it was interesting to get the inside track on what it’s really like inside Bandon Grammar.  All we knew was that they were protestants and ferociously good at hockey.  I remember one girl who was expelled for giving cheek to the nuns went off there and I met her again in college and she had become a very talented hockey player in the meanwhile.  I think I can safely say her skills would not have prospered in the same way had the following exchange not taken place:

Nun with clipboard noting the names of latecomers (always including me but I was very humble about it):  You’re late.

Me: Sorry, sorry, sister, it won’t happen again (craven lie), I slept out, the alarm didn’t go off, my parents were away, the cat ate my bike, I’m an abandoned child, please, please forgive me.

Girl who was subsequently expelled: Well, ten out of ten for observation, sister.

Anyway, I digress.  I liked the Cork bits but I’m not sure that they would be so appealing to outsiders, but who knows.  All the stuff before he was famous was quite good but once he becomes famous, it’s a bit of a tedious list of the great and the good.  The good news is it takes him a long time to become famous.  There is one good bit from when he’s famous.   For reasons, I won’t bore you with, he ends up having lunch at Sharon Stone’s house with his mother who is an entirely authentic Irish mammy. And she tells Sharon Stone that her (Ms. Stone’s) child’s name which she (Ms. Stone) believes to be Irish isn’t an Irish name at all and only a made up one.   Mr. Norton was mortified.  But you have to admire the Irish mother, a reliable product all round.

Comments
jackdalton

on 13 October 2004 at 22:32

But you should see the size of the cats in Cork…. it’s entirely possible that the tale is true.

belgianwaffle

on 14 October 2004 at 12:24

Jack is right, Silver. Our cat was particularly enormous.

poggle

on 14 October 2004 at 12:30

I like expelled-girl’s style with Nunzilla ….

belgianwaffle

on 14 October 2004 at 13:05

Yeah, pog, I know, impressive. And you didn’t know this nun. She was a legend. She had one wandering eye and one that bored into you.

poggle

on 14 October 2004 at 13:26

*shivers*
That’s like something out of Omen …

18 months


Posted in: Princess

The Princess was.  Yesterday.  We went out for tea to celebrate.

I sat down. I inserted the Princess in a high chair.  Tea and cake were ordered.

We had the following conversation:

Princess: Cake?

Me: Yes, cake. Would you like some?

Princess (nodding vigourously) : Oui, yes.

Me: Here’s a little on a plate for you.  What do you say?

Princess: Thank you. (Takes a mouthful) Nice. (Takes a further mouthful) More?

Me: I think that’s probably enough.

Princess (imperiously) : More.

Me (capitulating instantly) : OK.

Princess: Thank you. Merci.  Milk.

Me: Would you like some milk?

Princess : Oui, yes.

I poured out some milk into a mug and she sat and drank her milk and ate her cake, pointing out buses as they pulled up at the bus stop outside (Bus, bus, bus!).

Then we got ready to go. She smiled round at the other customers and said “Au revoir”.

We went to the cash desk to pay and as we swung out the door she called back to the man behind the counter “Au revoir, merci”.

Perfect.

Comments
dmts

on 13 October 2004 at 21:52

And when did she tell the waitress to fuck off?

DruidX

on 13 October 2004 at 23:40

*insert high-pitched ‘aww’ type noise*

NorahSplog

on 14 October 2004 at 11:30

Happy Birthday-And-A-Half Princess. A sweetie for good behaviour.

belgianwaffle

on 14 October 2004 at 12:23

Silver, thank you. I wil pass on your congratulations to himself. Snort. Heather, double snort. Druid X, Norah, thank you, that’s much more like it. Norah, particular thanks for the sweetie. Incidentally, can I say how much Mr. Waffle and I enjoyed your ode to typing?