belgianwaffle

Archives for June 2005

Low standards


Posted in: Boys, Travel

The Princess appears to be better. And my genius husband has found us a house for a fortnight in Normandy so it looks like we won’t be spending the Summer in our flat after all.  Rejoice.  My friend who I met for lunch says that my doctor probably won’t let me out of the country so close to my due date. A month before isn’t close, is it?

Comments
dmtson 01 June 2005 at 20:48

It’s only a problem if you’re flying? Isn’t it?

formerfilmexperton 01 June 2005 at 22:48

they have doctors in France. Anyhow you have family history of late arrivals!!!

jackdaltonon 02 June 2005 at 10:48

Do a runner. Don’t tell the doctor…. It’ll be like being young again: Run Away! Run Away! 🙂

beachhutmanon 02 June 2005 at 14:28

avoid the calvados and you’ll be fine….

poggleon 03 June 2005 at 11:03

Just make sure there’s plenty of boiling water and towels. That’s what they always did on ‘Little House on the Prairie’ – and they were fine.

JoJoon 04 June 2005 at 12:34

half of all twins delivered before the 37th week, apparently. Bet that’s cheered you up hasn’t it ;o)

belgianwaffleon 04 June 2005 at 13:14

Minks, Jojo, I’m ignoring you (thanks for the sweetie though, M).
Pog, yes, I feel you are entirely right. In fact one of our books has instructions on emergency deliveries at home, so that should be handy.
HJB, um, I hope so.
FFE, just cos Danny’s always late.
JD, very tempting.
BHM, will dutifully steer clear of the Calvados.

Things not to say to a pregnant woman


Posted in: Boys, Reading etc.

“Gosh, you seem to get bigger every half hour”
“Do you know you pant when you climb up to the third floor?”
“How can you bend over to pick up your little girl?”
“Were you this enormous last time?”
“If the babies are 375 grams and 410 grams now, that means they have to increase 10 times in weight before they’re born”
As the pregnant one takes off her coat “Oh my goodness, you’re pregnant”. As she turns to hang it up “Very pregnant! What are you:8 months?”

And while we’re on the subject of tactlessness and pregnancy, you may not have had the opportunity to read about Venetia Quick who is a presenter on some Dublin radio show.

Herself and her partner were in the Irish Times weekend magazine (itself a publication inspiring both pity and horror) last Saturday. Here’s what the article says:

“Eight months pregnant with her first child, Q102 presenter and producer Venetia Quick is never out of her killer heels and refuses to spend money on maternity wear. “My only concession to pregnancy has been a pair of size 12 low cut jeans and some stretchy combats,” she says. “I’ve covered the bump with belts, cardigans, scarves.  I’ve been as creative as I can.”

Yes, Venetia, making friends and influencing people, eh� No, I am not just jealous.

Comments
Minkleberry

on 05 June 2005 at 17:55

belts? Is she a leprechaun??

gingerandorange

on 06 June 2005 at 01:32

everyone else is just jealous and ‘Venetia’ is clearly in denial

poggle

on 06 June 2005 at 10:54

I feel sorry for the woman – imagine being called Venetia Quick. Dear me.
And I bet she’s bought American size 12s. Innit.

Kate_Sith

on 06 June 2005 at 17:39

I worked with a girl last year who was pregnant with twins and still wearing size 12 trousers from top shop ‘with the top button undone’. I think I was at school last time I fitted into a Topshop trouser.

belgianwaffle

on 08 June 2005 at 20:30

OOOH, you are all so nice. Well, assuming the best in your case JD. And TWO sweeties G&O, too kind. Pog, I would love to agree with you but there was a photo in the bloody magazine and she does look nauseatingly svelte. Kate, distressing. Minks, I liked your comment the best, could you are the bees knees.

dmts

on 08 June 2005 at 20:34

Good lord – I can’t cover up a big lunch with a belt – I think I may be in trouble.

belgianwaffle

on 09 June 2005 at 21:20

No, not at all. It’s when you can’t cover yourself with a double decker bus that trouble looms.

Beth

(Homepage)

on 10 June 2005 at 18:56

Hey, can I come rub your belly? I like that even better than the boneheaded comments.

belgianwaffle

on 11 June 2005 at 15:09

Yeah, that is annoying…it’s still my stomach, in there somewhere.

Sarcastic Journalist

(Homepage)

on 15 June 2005 at 04:39

I also love “Wow. You’re huge!” or another personal favorite
“You planned this so why are you freaking out?”

belgianwaffle

on 15 June 2005 at 22:04

Hello, sarcastic journalist. I like your blog. I also like the simplicity of “Wow. Your’re huge”. Obviously, that’s not the kind of thing you’d notice by yourself.

LRB personals


Posted in: Reading etc.

For the literary types:
Salinger, 33, seeks Sagan.
For the weird:
There’s enough lithium in my medicine cabinet to power three electric cars across a sizeable desert. I’m more than aware that this isn’t actually a selling point, but nonetheless it’s my favourite statistic about me.  Man, 33 – officially Three Cars Craazy.
Box no.07/10

I mean, really, is he honestly hoping for a bulging postbag?
Yeah, ok, I’d prefer him to Salinger seeking Sagan as well, but I’m not sure that he’s selling his best points..

Meanwhile the organisers of the bottle of champagne prize for best personal ad are out of control, see this:
“Box no. 07/08 sent a complimentary letter with her ad, so she gets the champagne this issue and also sets a precedent for others to follow. Ads are 80 pence per word, but manners and pathetic grovelling cost you nothing.”

Revenge


Posted in: Boys, Reading etc.

Me: Hee, hee, hee.

If you type “Venetia Quick” into google, guess what site comes up first in the list?
Mr. Waffle: Don’t know.

Me: Oh come on.

Him: Belgian Waffle?

Me: Oh yes, indeedy.

Him: Well, I hope you didn’t say anything actionable.

This is a good point because having twins is going to beggar us. Yesterday I paid a €400 deposit to ensure creche places for the little mites. On the plus side we will be a “famille nombreuse” which will give us all kinds of rights under the generous Belgian social system.
Comments
Locoteson 09 June 2005 at 18:28

Such as a free massive family estate car? Or a new home with many bedrooms? How lovely…

belgianwaffleon 09 June 2005 at 21:29

BHM, I am glad that you would not begrudge me, very important!
Locotes, um, generous, but not that generous, I was hoping for a tax rebate on creche fees since you ask.

Locoteson 10 June 2005 at 11:12

Oh. Well all help is good help I suppose… You never know though, pushing for that house might bring rewards……or annoy them so they give you nothing. But life is full of risks eh?

beachhutmanon 10 June 2005 at 13:39

I’m a very unbegrudging type really. ‘Cept for MEPs.

belgianwaffleon 11 June 2005 at 15:11

Locotes, am I you in drag? Jack wants to know.
BHM, good stuff. Suppose I’m really an MEP though? No, of course, I’m not.

Locoteson 13 June 2005 at 11:56

The funny thing is, if he was right, then I’m just having a conversation with myself. But of course he’s not right. Nope. Not at all.

belgianwaffleon 13 June 2005 at 17:00

No, we’re talking to each other. Of course.

My love affair with Martin Lukes


Posted in: Reading etc.

There was a time in my life when I used to get the FT on my desk every morning. It wasn’t exactly essential to my job, but it made me feel important, and I used to flick through it in a somewhat desultory fashion.  The only things I consistently read were Lucy Kellaway and Martin Lukes.  Imagine my surprise on discovering that the Martin Lukes column is actually written by the fabulous Ms. Kellaway.  To give you a mild flavour of the wonderfulness of Ms. Kellaway see extract below on childrearing which the best dressed diplomat forwarded me from Ms. Kellaway’s article last Monday:

1. We cannot all have deeply marvellous husbands. if you do not happen to have one, do not worry: a marvellous nanny works just as well.

2. Make sure you have got a lot of money. Not coping when you have money is a lot easier than not coping when you
have not.

3. Take care over the genetic make-up of your children. Seven placid ones are a lot easier than one volatile tearaway.

4. Never wonder if your work-life balance is right, never read books about how others cope. This will only make you anxious and guilty.

5. Always try to renew your children’s passports the moment they expire. If you have to do it in a hurry, then try to get their names right.

6. Except in emergencies, avoid helping your children with their homework. The idea is that they learn the periodic table, not you.

7. Above all, remember that socks can be a huge source of stress. Six collections of socks can make the life of
the stay-at-work mum a veritable nightmare. I have found that if you abandon the bourgeois convention that people need their own socks, or that the two need to match, life is very, very much easier.

And good news, I see from my friend the internet that [Lucy’s Kellaway’s]�book.. Martin Lukes: Who Moved My BlackBerry(TM) is published in July 2005 by Penguin.  Hah, Harry Potter eat your heart out, I’m off to pre-order on Amazon.

Comments
Locotes

on 10 June 2005 at 11:16

I’m sure of course that you assured himself that Number 1 wasn’t an issue?

jackdalton

on 11 June 2005 at 13:45

That is tragic. I always prefered Martin Lukes. And now that’s gone… and I am full of existential dread.
What’s real, I ask myself. Is anything?
A similarish sort of 20six revelation has recently played out here. And yes, I was surprised. To the point where now I am adrift in a sea of doubt and anxiety; could Waffel really be Locotes in digital drag? Could KateEvans have a beard and a big (beer) belly? Could missmorgan be american? Could BratChild be just a shallow makkie-up? Or worse. Could I be fictional?
What a thing to do to a guy’s Saturday!

belgianwaffle

on 11 June 2005 at 15:08

Negrito, yes, why do you ask?
Locotes, of course.
Jack, that’s funny. I like the idea of being Locotes in digital drag…

jackdalton

on 11 June 2005 at 18:28

Ah ha! So is that an admission? 🙂

Locotes

on 13 June 2005 at 11:55

Handily enough, I like the idea of waffle liking the idea of being me in digital drag.

belgianwaffle

on 13 June 2005 at 17:00

Is this getting a bit metaphysical?

negrito

on 13 June 2005 at 17:05

hehe.. because i might come around in a few days , thought you could have good adresses ! 😀

belgianwaffle

on 14 June 2005 at 21:21

Well, what kind of addresses are you interested in? I can do restaurants, certainly…

Fun, fun, fun


Posted in: Family, Princess

The publishing exec is over for the weekend.  The Princess is beside herself with glee. We have all snaffled a range of exciting books. It’s just marvellous. Let me tell you about the wonderful weekend she’s been having.

By the time the pub exec arrived at the station to greet her welcoming party on Friday, I was in a somewhat frazzled state for the following reasons:

1. My glasses had broken so every time I looked around to see what the Princess was doing, they went flying across the car.

2. Hop Hop has sealed his reputation for unreliability. He came unstuck at the creche.  He is filled with tiny marble like things and one of the other children had got some stuck up her
nose and given herself a nose bleed. In the back of the car, the Princess painstakingly unpicked the network of clips holding Hop Hop together and proceeded to eat them. Then she started on the marbles.  I stopped the car and took him, the marbles and the clips from her. Much wailing.

3. To deal with the Hop Hop problem, I gave her the Father’s Day present she had created to mind. She unwrapped it and
threw the mug around the car.

4. The station car park is really complicated.

5. I ran into a work contact at the station who insisted on chatting about work while the Princess clapped my hands together and ran round the station.

So then, when we got home the electricity had gone so we sent Mr. Waffle out for chips for dinner and spent the evening doing a jigsaw of the London underground by candlelight. I
think I may have mentioned before that I see these weekends in Brussels as a kind of calming retreat for the publishing exec.; when in London she and her film producer and ad exec housemates go to parties featuring famous people, it must make a nice change for her to do jigsaws. The rest of the weekend she spent entertaining the Princess, doing some mild shopping and cooking and cleaning for us. Her days began promptly at 7.30 with the Princess banging on her bedroom door looking for a story. She’s just gone off with her brother to get a video for this evening. You can really see why she loves her visits to Brussels. Ahem.

Meanwhile up to date illness report. The one mosquito in Belgium this Summer (it’s a bit chilly) has lodged in the Princess’s room and taken great chunks out of her little hands
which, in reaction, have swollen up like the Michelin man’s.  Oh
dear.

Comments
belgianwaffle

on 13 June 2005 at 17:01
(
Comment Modified) I have nothing other than that a famous glam cookery writer is very glam in the flesh but wears a lot of make up…hardly earth shattering.

Minkleberry

on 13 June 2005 at 17:23

Is it the childrens cookery writer? She also wears cakeloads of the stuff and her hair is made of wire wool.
*Minks then discovers that children’s cookery writer is best friend of Belg and blushes furiously*

belgianwaffle

on 14 June 2005 at 21:17

No, no, even more famous than children’s cookery writer…though is mother of a number of sprogs.

Minkleberry

on 15 June 2005 at 19:23

Ooooh oh oh oh. Yes, really? Does she smell?

belgianwaffle

on 15 June 2005 at 21:51

Well, not that was mentioned.