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Archives for June 2005

Flower pot difficulties

30 June, 2005
Posted in: Belgium

Last night Mr. Waffle had to stay late at work and I had a work dinner. My proposed schedule for the evening was as follows:

5.00 Trip out of work to collect the Princess.
5.45 Arrive home.
7.00 Put the Princess to bed.
7.15 Change and make myself beautiful.
8.00 Welcome the babysitter to our gracious home and scoot off to dinner.
Unfortunately, I was stuck a bit later at work than I had planned and didn’t get home until 7.00. When I arrived home, this woman followed me upstairs. She looked very respectable and I presumed she was visiting one of my neighbours but she followed me in. Conversation proceeded along the following lines:
Me: Um, can I help you?
Her: A flowerpot has fallen on my car from this building.
Me: Oh, well, I don’t think it’s one of ours but you can come and look, we haven’t got any flowers on the windowsill. (Glad of our black thumbs).
Her (aggressively): Well, you would say that, wouldn’t you?
Me (with Princess clinging to me in my arms sucking doggy and looking alarmed): Well, I suppose, but it’s true, it must have come from one of the other flats.
Her: It’s your responsibility.
Me: Well, no, it’s not.
Her (getting louder): What are you going to do about it?
Me: Well nothing, really.
Her: (extremely agressively) You live in the building, it’s your responsibility. What are you going to do about it?
Princess (sotto voce in my ear): Nasty lady Mummy.
Me: Don’t be ridiculous, how can it possibly be my responsibility? In any event, I wouldn’t do anything for you as you are so unpleasant ( I actually said this), now, my child is hungry and I have to give her her dinner and I’d appreciate, if you’d leave.
Her: Snort.
Me: Deep sigh [realise this woman is never going to leave my house, am conscious of the onward march of time and my terrified, hungry daughter] Look, I have a digital camera. I can take a picture of your car for you and you can pursue the matter with my neighbours in due course.
We descend the stairs in dignified silence except for Princess muttering “We go home, Mummy, nasty lady”.
I stand in the pouring rain with my 2 year old perched on my hip. This woman’s car does have a broken flowerpot on it, but it has sustained no visible damage. I point this out. She says “Someone will have to clean it”. I do not deign to answer this comment. I take my pictures (see below).
Her: This is your responsibility.
Me: (Throwing eyes to heaven) No, it’s not. Look, can you please leave me alone, I am trying to be helpful by standing here in the bucketing rain photographing your car while carrying my child, whom you have terrified and, just in case you haven’t noticed, I’m 6 months pregnant (regret that I did not add “with twins” for added pathos).
Her: Well, I’m pregnant too!
Me: (Momentarily arrested, looking at her flat stomach, in deep surprise, but thinking, this could explain why she’s behaving so oddly): Um, really, how many months?
Her: (Very aggressively) Well, no, I’m not actually pregnant.
Me: (Baffled silence) OK, look, give me your card and I’ll email you the
photos.
Her: No.
Me: OK….why don’t I print them out for you?
Her: Snort.
We trail damply back upstairs. I print out the photos.
Her: I should call the police.
Me: (Thinking that really the police are bound to be better than this madwoman who won’t leave)
Look, feel free, you can use our phone.
Her: Snatches photos from my limp grasp and marches out banging the door.
Princess: Nasty lady, big bang Mummy.
By now it was 7.30. The Princess consented to leave go of my neck and I prepared the royal dinner and persuaded her to eat same. Off we went to the bath. At 8.00, when our babysitter arrived, the Princess was still in the bath. I heard her calling from the hall “Madame, Madame” and I was a bit fed up because she knows that her arrival will make the Princess hyper and usually if we are putting her (the Princess, obviously, don’t be difficult) to bed, the babysitter just waits in the dining room until we emerge. So I stuck my head into the hall only to see that our babysitter had brought two male friends. I looked at her surprised.

“Madame, la police” said she. I went back to the bathroom and whisked herself out of the bath. She was delighted to see our babysitter but a bit surprised to see two policemen with guns and bullet proof vests.
Policeman 1(addressing himself to Princess): Hello there!
Me: Um…
Policeman 2: We’ve come about the pot plant.
Me: Ah yes, well, it’s not our pot plant, let me show you the windowsill.
Policemen: (perfectly agreeably) Yes that seems reasonable.
Policeman 1 to Policeman 2: Bet it’s on the top floor where they have the
balcony.
Both policemen: Sorry to have disturbed you (and to Princess) night, night little girl.
Even though I think that it is odd to have to come out to investigate falling pot plant incidents with guns and bullet proof jackets, am sorry that they hadn’t been called much earlier as they were speedy and pleasant.
Got the Princess into bed by 8.30 and whizzed out to dinner a shadow of my former self. When I got home about midnight, I woke up my loving husband. “You’re never going to believe what happened to me”. “Can I not believe it in the morning?” he said, somewhat tactlessly. However, you will be delighted to hear that once fully awoken by the simple expedient of turning on the light, Mr. Waffle nobly expressed sympathy and a manly desire to protect me from any future pot plant unpleasantness.

Comments

stroppycow on 30 June 2005 at 21:02 Didn’t know Belgium had “care in the community” too. Sounds particularly unpleasant. I hope she finds a life / her medication / a great big hole to fall into (delete as applicable) and leaves you in peace in the future. If she turns up again call te police straight away and watch out for falling flowerpots.

KateEvans on 30 June 2005 at 21:07 This makes me want to fly to Belgium, come by your flat, buy a potted plant on the way and hurl it from your window onto her car.

beachhutman on 30 June 2005 at 21:48 Top blogging Waffy!

UndercoverCookie on 01 July 2005 at 10:05 And now Princess will think being rude warrants calling the police. To be remembered next time she throws a tantrum.

London mom on 01 July 2005 at 10:16 Ah – that reminds me why I left Belgium…that woman is obviously bonkers…
BarbieDollAbroad on 01 July 2005 at 10:48 great story!!

poggle on 01 July 2005 at 10:58 I bet she carries the plantpot around IN her car – otherwise how could there be no damage? She placed it on there (carefully) herself. She’s got no friends, see – nobody to talk to. As menace says – mentalist ….

Kate_Sith on 01 July 2005 at 11:01 I particularly liked the ‘I’m pregnant, too’ ruse.

Lilo on 01 July 2005 at 12:59 Obviously the mentalist had a drug habit, hence all the snorting. A sweetie for the ordeal and for dealing with the nutter so helpfully – I’d have probably got a bit rude in that situation.

Lilo on 01 July 2005 at 12:59 Sorry – forgot to attach this. 1
Sweetie(s) given

jackdalton on 01 July 2005 at 17:15 Next time use a breeze block. And wait until she’s in the car. Problem solved: Brussels is a better place.

belgianwaffle on 01 July 2005 at 21:45 Oooh Menace, a sweetie too. Ta.
Stroppy, the hole sounds best, I think.
Kate E, I’m touched and you (really) pregnant and everything.
BHM, too kind, my material was provided by a mad woman and that always helps.
But cookie, the police were really NICE, she liked them. Thank you for your sweetie.
London Mom, to be fair, I don’t think she was a native, she sounded kind of Spanish actually.
BDA, thank you, you are most kind.
Pog, I like that image. I will treasure it.
Kate S, I know, it was really weird. I mean what was the point of that?
Lilo, thank you for your sweetie. I did think that I was kind of rude, I mean I told a complete stranger (well I suppose not complete after nearly half an hour in my house) that she was deeply unpleasant. In retrospect, I wonder if that added to the atmosphere?
JD, fantastic. Thank you.

Bobble on 03 July 2005 at 17:31 belated hugs on this one Waffly. And there is no finer word than mentalist to describe this harpy.

belgianwaffle on 03 July 2005 at 19:19 Bobble, you are kind..

Language Regime

28 June, 2005
Posted in: Princess

Princess: Feck!
Me: Who says that sweetheart?
Princess (indignantly): Maman dit รงa.

Look, I’m improving.

Comments
Mikeachim

on 29 June 2005 at 00:02

Good grief.
Or maybe she’s been watching Father Ted when you haven’t been looking.
๐Ÿ™‚

jackdalton

on 29 June 2005 at 01:04

Wonderful! It’s the Locotes afeckt ๐Ÿ™‚

Bobble

on 29 June 2005 at 11:23

Wonderful child.I was in your fair city last night Waffly, my flight from Stockholm was diverted to Brussels as all the London aiports were closed due to storms. Got home today about an hour ago on Eurostar… I declare Brussels as one of the hardest to sleep in airports ever. Zzzzzzzz…

poggle

on 29 June 2005 at 13:54

Sure it wasn’t ‘farque’? Sure?

Locotes

on 30 June 2005 at 11:13

I’m so proud…
*sniff*

belgianwaffle

on 01 July 2005 at 21:47

Kristin, hmmm….
Mike, that’s it, I knew it. Clever you.
JD, clearly.
Bobble, am awaiting full account with bated breath etc. Think Bxls airport is ok myself, but I suppose I’ve never tried to sleep there.
Pog, positive. No really.
Loc, rightly so!

Belgiska Vafflor

26 June, 2005
Posted in: Mr. Waffle

Mr. Waffle took this photo to prove that he was thinking of me and also a toy theatre.ย  Attentive readers will remember that back in February, I expressed nostalgia in relation to toy theatres. I then promptly forgot all about them until Mr. Waffle came back from Sweden bearing one aloft in triumph. I was thrilled.ย  When I get him presents, I get him socks. Truly it is a burden as well as a delight to live with a great present giver. The Princess got a furry turtle which we named Sven, because we are cruel and get a kick out of hearing her try to say it with her lisp.

Comments
jackdalton

on 26 June 2005 at 14:50

Or Scoot.

Locotes

on 26 June 2005 at 17:00

Hard to believe as it is, I think this blog could be even more exciting if called Belgiska Vafflor.Sounds like a evil genius comic book villain…

poggle

on 28 June 2005 at 11:36

You’re famous. I knew it.

poggle

on 28 June 2005 at 11:37

Oh yeth.

belgianwaffle

on 28 June 2005 at 21:25

Pog, Locotes, a name change is tempting, isn’t it?

poggle

on 29 June 2005 at 13:10

Belgiska Vaffla certainly has a ring to it …..

belgianwaffle

on 01 July 2005 at 21:37

I know, I’d feel all viking; but I think I’m probably too wet to live up to it.

poggle

on 04 July 2005 at 15:10

Nah – I can just see you with the horned helmet and yellow braids …. and a bit of looting and pillaging never hurt anyone. Well, not anyone doing it.

jackdalton

on 04 July 2005 at 16:08
(
Comment Modified) Race traitor! Was it for this your ancestors build the round towers and buried the Ardagh Chalice in a bog or for this that Brian of the Dal Cais – with the Irish of Munster, the U’Neil and brave-hearted Ostmen kicked the crap out of that black’art Mael Morda and his Norse ally King Sygtrygg at Clontarf?! Have you no memory for such things, woman!
๐Ÿ™‚

belgianwaffle

on 04 July 2005 at 21:29

Pog, mmm, interesting. Jack, we’re probably all vikings really…

jackdalton

on 05 July 2005 at 00:20

That would be the Cork crowd. And the Dove Ling shower…

belgianwaffle

on 05 July 2005 at 20:39

Now, now and you with a trip to Douglas imminent.

Shoe Blues

25 June, 2005
Posted in: Boys

This whole foot swelling thing is out of control. The weather isn’t helping. As of yesterday, I could fit into one pair of shoes. Just. I went out at lunch time to buy some new shoes in a larger size, but no joy. My problem was that my enormous swollen instep and ankle required a size 42 but my feet continued (mercifully, I suppose) to be a size 39 in length so the flip floppy things I was trying on were just too flip floppy to walk in. Meanwhile young things with gazelle like ankles were taunting me by flaunting same.

Mercifully the weather is not so hot today and I can fit into a range of shoes. And while I’m on the subject of shoes. I got the following email recently:

“Hi Belgianwaffle!

I reacted via your weblog about what you wrote there about scholl sandals. For my final examination next year I’starting a study about the influence of wearing woorden exercise sandals on the feet in general. Since two years wooden sandals such as Scholl are increasing in popularity in most european countries as you may also have noticed in Belgium.

I understand that your experiences with the Scholls you bought were not very positive. Would you like to give me some more information abouty what disappointed you?. Were it wooden Scholl sandals by the way? But also things like how often you wore them and for how long. Would love to hear from you!”

Of course I replied at great length. As will be obvious, I find talking about me irresistible. Yet, somewhere, in the back of my mind, I couldn’t help wondering whether the author of this email was entirely serious. Annemie, if you’re genuine, I’d like you to know that I’m finding my wooden Scholl sandals very comfortable with my swollen ankles.

And finally, today saw us venturing to a barbecue in the Irish College in Louvain which was pleasant. Our daughter kindly wandered in a Lavender maze presenting us with fantastic photo ops (always an object with parents).

Comments
ladyjaneon 25 June 2005 at 22:59

And yes, her hair doth grow!

Liloon 27 June 2005 at 12:01

Beautiful little girl.
My feet offend me on a daily basis – I don’t think I’ll ever see my ankle bones again.

Locoteson 27 June 2005 at 12:01

Dear waffle, I understand how the trials of pregnancy are affecting your wardrobe, appetite and feet, but fear not, for once the little tykes are born, parenting will be a breeze. A guide has been created which you can follow as law – and then watch your little darlings turn into the pride of Ireland…..well, Cork anyway.
Have a peek here.

Beth(Homepage)

on 27 June 2005 at 15:35

I’ve given up on shoes entirely and highly recommend it.

belgianwaffleon 28 June 2005 at 21:28

Thank you Kristin and Lilo for suitable motherly comments on the photos – I would like you to know that you are writing to one with cocktail sausages for toes so your comments are most comforting.
Locotes, I enjoyed that. Ta.
Beth, now you’re talking.

Cough, cough

21 June, 2005
Posted in: Princess, Work

Last night I had to decamp to the spare room as my cough was keeping us both awake and, at least, once I left it was only keeping me awake. Alas, the Princess’s cough woke her up a number of times as well, so when I wasn’t keeping me awake, the Princess was. She awoke definitively at 6.15. We were all tired and cranky this morning. I felt that slightly dizzying exhaustion you get when you have a very small baby and you would give anything to go back to bed. This was a most unwelcome foretaste of what is to come in September.

Struggled into the creche. Largely stayed awake at work.
Picked her up a bit early to visit L and new baby F. They had a paddling pool and the girls played happily until I decided it was time to leave about 7.15. Things plummeted downhill from there until I tucked her up in bed still roaring hysterically at 8.10. She collapsed in exhaustion about 10 minutes later and I am about to do the same.

Rejoice, from tomorrow, the days get shorter.

Comments
Bobbleon 21 June 2005 at 23:36

When I move to Amsterdam I’ll come down and offer my babysitting services x

Mikeachimon 21 June 2005 at 23:37

Aw.
You are a saint.
Sleep well…..

Minkleberryon 22 June 2005 at 07:50

ouchy!

belgianwaffleon 25 June 2005 at 20:12

Oooh, JD, barley sugar, my favourite, you are kind.
Bobble, can’t wait.
Mike, dunno about that, but thanks for the thought.
Minks. Yes.

Maternity wear

20 June, 2005
Posted in: Boys, Family

Mother: And how are you feeling darling?
Me: Well, actually, still a bit nauseous and sore back and, a thing I didn’t have last time, swollen ankles.
Mother: Why do you think that is?
Me: I suppose I’m heavier, I weigh 66 kilos, you know.
Mother: 66 kilos!!๏ฟฝ That’s more than me. [You should know that my mother is considerably taller than me].
Me: I am six months pregnant WITH TWINS.
Mother: Do you look pregnant then?
Me: I refer you to my previous answer.
Mother (nostalgically): When I was pregnant no one ever knew that you were pregnant until right at the end.
Me: Well, that’s the late 60s/70s for you mother, flowing kaftans and maxis have their uses.
Mother (in tones of disapproval): I suppose you wear those figure hugging things that I see pregnant women around town in.
Me: Yes. No kaftans for me.
Mother (sighs audibly): I suppose it’s the fashion.

Comments
kristin

on 20 June 2005 at 16:49

For what it’s worth, i weigh 66 kilos without the benefit of carrying twins. Onward and upward. Take yourself and Princess Waffle out for a nice pastry.

jackdalton

on 20 June 2005 at 17:30

And would that be with or without clothing… ๐Ÿ˜

KateEvans

on 20 June 2005 at 18:07

I imagine in those 70s kaftans everyone just thought you were getting a bit hefty. We all hear stories about how ‘no one knew X was pregnant until she had the baby’, but have you ever known one of these women personally? I frankly don’t think they exist, unless of course they are massive to begin with.

Bobble

on 20 June 2005 at 21:27

Did your mother say that if you cut your hair you won’t attract a man either?

Minkleberry

on 21 June 2005 at 09:23

My mum says the same thing to me. They’re kidding themselves…

Lilo

on 21 June 2005 at 12:31

At the weekend my stepmother asked me, ‘Don’t you feel uncomfortable wearing those tight clothes?’. My reply; ‘At this stage, clothes are the last things making me feel uncomfortable.’

beachhutman

on 21 June 2005 at 16:19

I’ve still got one of those kaftans somewhere…….

Locotes

on 21 June 2005 at 16:50

I never saw you as the blatant bump revealing type. How…interesting. You have the matching pink tracksuit bottoms I assume?

belgianwaffle

on 21 June 2005 at 19:57

Pog, Minks, I dunno, those maxis were very flowing…
Kristin, thank you for your words of comfort. Jack, I’m ignoring that.
Lilo, well at least you’re nearly there…
BHM, a terrifying insight.
Locotes, you will recall that you are me in drag or vice versa. I rely on you to advise.

jackdalton

on 21 June 2005 at 22:03

What?! What have I done now?!
[looks back through comments]
Oh. Well anyway, be like that if you must I was just being encouraging and supportive. You know: indicating that despite your Aunt Marge-ish dimensions there are some who still find you interesting and attractive…. ๐Ÿ˜‰
Besids it’s not fair. Locotes gets away with that most lewd, chav-like comparison and I’m ignored just because I’m being emotionally supportive. Like a kind of digital / bloggosphere 40 denier opaque…

Bobble

on 21 June 2005 at 23:11

I shall always think of you Jack when I’m in the M&S Hosiery department.

jackdalton

on 21 June 2005 at 23:24

Bobs: my life would thus be complete….
Though I’d rather hoped it would be Le Senza or Knickerbox or somewhere a bit more that-ish…. ๐Ÿ˜‰

Locotes

on 21 June 2005 at 23:41

Yes of course, I forgot. In that case, for the love of God, we should ditch the trackies and cover the bump. A beautiful thing and all that, but our neighbours and co-workers don’t need to see that much detail.Also, I’m glad I/you/us/we agree that jack’s pervy nudie-related comment was highly uncalled for. The bare-faced cheek of it all…..as it were.

Bobble

on 21 June 2005 at 23:42

Then you’d have to be a 10 denier gloss Jack.

belgianwaffle

on 25 June 2005 at 20:14

Jack, you will remember that I am Locotes in drag, of course he can get away with anything. Locotes, the bump is not exposed. Do not panic.
Bobble, you know you’re only encouraging him.

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