belgianwaffle

Archives for 7 October, 2004

May I suggest oh dear, rats, darn


Posted in: Princess

Princess: Fuck

Me: Sweetheart please don’t say that.

Princess (hysterical giggle): Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

Me : Darling, really, please donÂ’t say that.

Princess: Fuck.

Comments
HJB

on 07 October 2004 at 22:08

but we really need to ask where she got this from?

silveretta

on 07 October 2004 at 23:04

I believe Mr Waffle is in charge of the French words, and Mrs Waffle is in charge of the English ones, which must mean…

Friar Tuck

on 07 October 2004 at 23:15

It’s probably the lack of sleep.

Bobble

on 08 October 2004 at 00:24

It’s the Belgian accent the darling child has got.

belgianwaffle

on 08 October 2004 at 11:10

I think Bobble is right it must be her accent. Silver, you are cunning. Chintzy, you saw an earlier version of this wherein I tried to place the blame on her father’s shoulders. Due to the regime of oppressive censorship which prevails in Waffle Towers I was forced to remove this. Also, it may not be his fault, ref Silver’s comment.

lauren35

on 08 October 2004 at 19:35

I reckon she’s really saying ‘foc’ – a commonly used French word which crops up in everyday language, meaning … “genoa” (y’know, the front sail on a yacht..) worth a try to put the blame on Mr W?

jackdalton

on 09 October 2004 at 09:56

Nah.. it’s to do with table manners. The child wants her ‘fork’, that’s all.
Goodnight……

jackdalton

on 09 October 2004 at 09:57

.. but in any event I blame the mother.

belgianwaffle

on 09 October 2004 at 13:13

Lauren, Jack, good suggestions. We’re doing some good work with darn at the moment…

cha0tic

on 10 October 2004 at 07:55

LOL. Ahhh we reap what we sow 🙂

belgianwaffle

on 11 October 2004 at 13:08

Cha0tic, very biblical.

poggle

on 11 October 2004 at 13:29

Poor waffle. Fab princess. Hee hee.

JoJo

on 11 October 2004 at 13:36

ha ha ha! I laugh now, because this will happen to us.

belgianwaffle

on 11 October 2004 at 13:41

Thank you pog, I think. I certainly hope it happens to you JoJo. I was hoping for a stream of reassuring, oh yeah that happened to us too and so far zilch – Eliott is my only hope.

stroppycow

on 11 October 2004 at 14:25

A great way to difuse this one is to mishear and go “yes dear you are right, it’s a Duck” “muck, where?”. Same with burger, bullocks etc.

poggle

on 11 October 2004 at 14:41

It happened to my sis, if that’s any consolation. Picture sis going to pick up lil niece from kindergarten in the next village. Is wandering up just in time to see nice little old lady bending down to speak to lil niece. Hears ‘Hello little boy'(sic), what’s your name?’ ‘Lil Niece’. ‘That’s a lovely name. And where do you live?’
‘Fuckin’ Faversham …’
Little Old Lady gapes.
Sister turns on heel and hides behind hedge.
Later shouts at partner for telling lil niece what to tell people if is lost when very drunk (partner, not lil niece).

Part the sixth


Posted in: The tale of Lazy Jack Silver

“What’ll you have?” asked LJS.

“Just a mineral water” said Bobble primly.

LJS glanced at the crowd around the bar and then looked again.  “Hey” he said to Bobble “isn’t that Norah Splogg behind the bar?”

“Norah Splogg, Nobel prize winning astrophysicist and best-selling author, pulling pints, I hardly think so” said Bobble sarcastically.

“No need to be sarky” said LJS “perhaps she’s doing deep cover, I heard she worked for the NHS to get material for ‘Alan and the Coconut God'”.

“Really, do you think so?” Bobble was excited despite herself, she loved Norah Splogg and it was so thrilling to think that she might be here in this very room.

Up at the bar, Norah was pulling a pint and reflecting bitterly that the lab coat look which employees in the Valley favoured was not one which was flattering even on a good hair day.  LJS sidled up.

“Hello Norah” he said “pun in the oven?”***

Norah looked at him frostily.

“Is that a pun in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me?” he smiled hopefully.

“Hot cross pun?” he ventured

Norah looked up from beneath her mop of perfect dark hair.  So this was LJS..  She wondered what Heather needed him for.  When Heather had called her in to help in relation to his abduction, she had been annoyed.  She had just signed up to do some interesting work at NASA and her publishers were putting her under pressure for her next book.  She didn’t have time for HJB’s intrigues.  But Heather wasn’t in the mood to take no for an answer and Norah knew that she owed Heather.  Also the financial incentive Heather offered was not inconsiderable.  When Norah had been a poor grad student, she and Heather had worked together on a number of shady deals. Norah was going straight now but she wasn’t so sure about Heather.  Sure, it looked good, Heather had her private trust fund and didn’t need to do anything illegal.  But Norah suspected that HJB liked the danger and excitement.

Meanwhile, back in the snug, Bobble was thinking fast.  HJB had said that she would have help in carrying out the op; she had, however, refused to say what form that help would take.  Bobble remembered having seen a picture of HJB and Norah Splogg together in Vogue, years ago.  Could they be friends?  Could Norah Splogg possibly be Bobble’s accomplice?

****Author’s note:  puns supplied by Mr. Waffle, don’t blame me.  Norah, Mr. Waffle has asked me to assure you that this does not imply you are or ever were fat. He also suggests that I add the following: any person who alleges that he or she, his or her heirs, executors or assigns, sevants or agents have in any way been depicted in a manner which is unfair, prejudicial or otherwise, should note this EXCLUSION OF LIABILITY (not valid in Hawaii or in Vermont) and should seek legal advice before reading further. Please tick box to confirm that you have read and agreed to the terms and conditions written in invisible ink and which may be varied at any time without notice at the discretion of the author.

Comments
silveretta

on 07 October 2004 at 23:07

I thought this entry seemed slightly more classy than the others – obviously the good influence of Mr Waffle. I certainly hope to see more of his work.
(And what libellous words did LGM use that caused her comments to be deleted?)

Bobble

on 08 October 2004 at 00:23

I think Norah is a blonde Mrs Waffle, I’m the brunette. A class effort all round, although I fear I’m sounding quite nasty to LJS. I must owe HJB big time ;o)

dmts

on 08 October 2004 at 08:05

my trust fund is getting less trustworthy by the day –

belgianwaffle

on 08 October 2004 at 11:14

Silver, dunno what LGM said, wasn’t me deleted and I don’t know what a moderator is doing prowling around. LGM, thank you for sweetie and tweren’t me deleted. Bobble, she may have dyed her hair, disguise and all that. HJB, I know, what I’d like to know is what is the real source of the undoubted luxury in which you are um luxuriating….

Locotes

on 08 October 2004 at 19:36

Yet another female that has something against LJS. (and no, I don’t mean her body). He started off quite suave, where are the conquests?

poggle

on 11 October 2004 at 13:23

It was the sweaty tee-shirt that ruined it for me, loco. Given a bit of a wash and brush-up, I’m sure we could all be tempted.
Ahem.

belgianwaffle

on 11 October 2004 at 13:38

I see the elusive pog will be rejoining us for the next update.

poggle

on 11 October 2004 at 14:33

I am the Scarlet Pimpernel of the Tale of LJS.
Sort of.

silveretta

on 11 October 2004 at 15:14

I see you more as the glamour girl scientist – young, good-looking, feisty, and wears glasses. You’ll probably have to defuse a bomb at some stage Pog and get sweat patches under your arms.

poggle

on 11 October 2004 at 15:17

Oh dear. I was kicked out of both physics and chemistry classes quite early in my school life, silver. Physics because I kept breaking things, and chemisty because they feared I might kill myself – and possibly everyone else in the class.
I have, however, defused dozens of bombs in my time.
(Only part of this comment is true.)

silveretta

on 11 October 2004 at 15:32

I think you’ll find that you were kicked out because the tgeachers were jealous of the manner in which you combined superior technical know-how with a green skimpy combat vest.

poggle

on 11 October 2004 at 15:46

I expect you’re right.
*cracks knuckles*
ouch

Bobble

on 11 October 2004 at 15:52

I have an image of Pog as Fred from ‘Angel’ now.

poggle

on 11 October 2004 at 15:53

And she’s met me. Which proves that she is delirious with flu.

silveretta

on 11 October 2004 at 15:58

Yes, Bobba said I reminded her of Angel once too.

poggle

on 11 October 2004 at 16:02

That’s no surprise to me, silver ….

silveretta

on 11 October 2004 at 16:07

No, but it’s a helluva shock to those pesky vampires.

poggle

on 11 October 2004 at 16:09

Serves them right. Hanging about on street corners looking for people to bite. Pests.

Bobble

on 11 October 2004 at 16:10

*splutters at besmirching of good image*
If Silver did look like Angel… but I am sick… what do I know.

belgianwaffle

on 13 October 2004 at 20:17

Oooh, I like this material…

Wiertz


Posted in: Reading etc.

Yesterday, the Princess and I went off to the Wiertz Museum.  I regret deeply that I have never done this before.  The place is fantastic.  Mr. Wiertz was a romantic artist, a very romantic artist.  His work reminds me a bit of Blake but on a monumental scale.  Housed in this museum are some of the largest canvases I have ever seen in my life.  The Princess and I wandered around saying “wow” and cackling. Cackling because to modern sensibilities Mr. Wiertz’s creations are hilarious and over the top.  Well, that was why I was cackling. I think that the Princess was cackling because we were the only visitors and she could roll around the wooden floors and run about like a headless chicken.

Let me give you a little taste of how weird Mr. Wiertz was, this from the official guide in the Museum:

“Wiertz died in his museum.  His remains were embalmed in accordance with Ancient Egyptian burial rites.  It was his wish to be buried in his garden, but this was refused him…[h]is heart was embalmed separately, and placed in a leaden box, which was handed over to ….his native town of Dinant…”

The rough guide has this to say :

“[the museum] is devoted to the works of one of the city’s most distinctive, if disagreeable, nineteenth century artists.  Once immensely popular (so much so that in Tess of the d’Urbervilles Thomas Hardy could write of “the staring and ghastly attitudes of a Wiertz museum”)…”

And here are some of his pictures’ titles:

“The thoughts and visions of a severed head”

“Premature Burial”

You can check out these pictures (and more!) at this useful site.  Well, useful, if you’re looking for Wiertz pictures.

Frankly, no trip to Brussels is complete without a visit.  Also it is free. And adjacent to the European Parliament (ok, that’s not much of a draw, I grant you).

Comments
poggle

on 07 October 2004 at 14:10

That’s fab. And how appropriate that the Parliament Building on Rue Wiertz. If only I’d known it was there when my boss was still an MEP ……

pub exec

on 07 October 2004 at 14:38

Goodness! I particularly like ‘The Reader of Novels’. A must for my next visit, please.

silveretta

on 07 October 2004 at 14:57

Yes, ‘The Reader of Novels’ captures exactly the way that I like to disport myself when perusing a text. Well, ‘The Tale of Lazy Jack Silver’ at least.

belgianwaffle

on 07 October 2004 at 21:47

HJB, it’s the lesser of two evils, otherwise I have to chase her round the house. Pog, yes, I know… Pub exec, absolutely. Silver, is it any wonder I thought you were a girl with a figure like that?