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Things not to say to a pregnant woman

4 June, 2005
Posted in: Reading etc., Twins

“Gosh, you seem to get bigger every half hour”
“Do you know you pant when you climb up to the third floor?”
“How can you bend over to pick up your little girl?”
“Were you this enormous last time?”
“If the babies are 375 grams and 410 grams now, that means they have to increase 10 times in weight before they’re born”
As the pregnant one takes off her coat “Oh my goodness, you’re pregnant”. As she turns to hang it up “Very pregnant! What are you:8 months?”

And while we’re on the subject of tactlessness and pregnancy, you may not have had the opportunity to read about Venetia Quick who is a presenter on some Dublin radio show.

Herself and her partner were in the Irish Times weekend magazine (itself a publication inspiring both pity and horror) last Saturday. Here’s what the article says:

“Eight months pregnant with her first child, Q102 presenter and producer Venetia Quick is never out of her killer heels and refuses to spend money on maternity wear. “My only concession to pregnancy has been a pair of size 12 low cut jeans and some stretchy combats,” she says. “I’ve covered the bump with belts, cardigans, scarves.  I’ve been as creative as I can.”

Yes, Venetia, making friends and influencing people, eh� No, I am not just jealous.

Comments
Minkleberry

on 05 June 2005 at 17:55

belts? Is she a leprechaun??

gingerandorange

on 06 June 2005 at 01:32

everyone else is just jealous and ‘Venetia’ is clearly in denial

poggle

on 06 June 2005 at 10:54

I feel sorry for the woman – imagine being called Venetia Quick. Dear me.
And I bet she’s bought American size 12s. Innit.

Kate_Sith

on 06 June 2005 at 17:39

I worked with a girl last year who was pregnant with twins and still wearing size 12 trousers from top shop ‘with the top button undone’. I think I was at school last time I fitted into a Topshop trouser.

belgianwaffle

on 08 June 2005 at 20:30

OOOH, you are all so nice. Well, assuming the best in your case JD. And TWO sweeties G&O, too kind. Pog, I would love to agree with you but there was a photo in the bloody magazine and she does look nauseatingly svelte. Kate, distressing. Minks, I liked your comment the best, could you are the bees knees.

dmts

on 08 June 2005 at 20:34

Good lord – I can’t cover up a big lunch with a belt – I think I may be in trouble.

belgianwaffle

on 09 June 2005 at 21:20

No, not at all. It’s when you can’t cover yourself with a double decker bus that trouble looms.

Beth

(Homepage)

on 10 June 2005 at 18:56

Hey, can I come rub your belly? I like that even better than the boneheaded comments.

belgianwaffle

on 11 June 2005 at 15:09

Yeah, that is annoying…it’s still my stomach, in there somewhere.

Sarcastic Journalist

(Homepage)

on 15 June 2005 at 04:39

I also love “Wow. You’re huge!” or another personal favorite
“You planned this so why are you freaking out?”

belgianwaffle

on 15 June 2005 at 22:04

Hello, sarcastic journalist. I like your blog. I also like the simplicity of “Wow. Your’re huge”. Obviously, that’s not the kind of thing you’d notice by yourself.

Low standards

1 June, 2005
Posted in: Travel, Twins

The Princess appears to be better. And my genius husband has found us a house for a fortnight in Normandy so it looks like we won’t be spending the Summer in our flat after all.  Rejoice.  My friend who I met for lunch says that my doctor probably won’t let me out of the country so close to my due date. A month before isn’t close, is it?

Comments
dmtson 01 June 2005 at 20:48

It’s only a problem if you’re flying? Isn’t it?

formerfilmexperton 01 June 2005 at 22:48

they have doctors in France. Anyhow you have family history of late arrivals!!!

jackdaltonon 02 June 2005 at 10:48

Do a runner. Don’t tell the doctor…. It’ll be like being young again: Run Away! Run Away! 🙂

beachhutmanon 02 June 2005 at 14:28

avoid the calvados and you’ll be fine….

poggleon 03 June 2005 at 11:03

Just make sure there’s plenty of boiling water and towels. That’s what they always did on ‘Little House on the Prairie’ – and they were fine.

JoJoon 04 June 2005 at 12:34

half of all twins delivered before the 37th week, apparently. Bet that’s cheered you up hasn’t it ;o)

belgianwaffleon 04 June 2005 at 13:14

Minks, Jojo, I’m ignoring you (thanks for the sweetie though, M).
Pog, yes, I feel you are entirely right. In fact one of our books has instructions on emergency deliveries at home, so that should be handy.
HJB, um, I hope so.
FFE, just cos Danny’s always late.
JD, very tempting.
BHM, will dutifully steer clear of the Calvados.

Still stalked by illness

31 May, 2005
Posted in: Princess, Twins, Work

Our poor baby girl was sick again Sunday afternoon. It was pathetic, she just lay in my arms between 5 and 8, when she wasn’t throwing up. She was too scared to leave the bathroom so we moved the bean bag in and sat there. She only raised the faintest glimmer of a smile for her father who put on the duvet cover and sang (something that has to be seen to be fully appreciated). Then she went to bed at 8, slept the night, woke up Monday morning full of beans, ate a full breakfast and played snap with me before departing for the creche in excellent form. Absolutely baffling. We dropped her off with some trepidation and instructions to call us at once, if she seemed even faintly miserable. Picked her up last night and she was in great form. Creche said she had an excellent day and her toilet training appears to be complete. Went to bed no problem. Woke up at 3.37. Got sick. Woke up at 5.08. Got sick. Woke up at 8.00. Got sick. She’s now sleeping in our bed a sad little scrap and Mr. Waffle and I have arranged our day thus: 8.00 he goes to work and picks up stuff; 10.30 he returns to us and I go into work and pick up stuff; 14.00, I return home with my papers and he scoots off.

It’s all very tiring for everyone.�

On the good news front, I had another scan yesterday morning. Would you say that the dominant twin is the one sitting on the other’s neck or the one that weighs a hefty 410grms as opposed to the little one that weighs 375? And, fascinatingly,the doctor suggests that I bring a video casette next time so that I can have a complete record in addition to the stills captured on diskette. Does this mean that I will have to tape over “Notting Hill”?

Comments

Minkleberry on 01 June 2005 at 18:36
(
Comment Modified) In the case of my husband and his twin, the dominant one was definitely the little ginger one who grew up to be a policeman and bodybuilder.
I married the other one.
Poor little sausage-I hope the sickness passes soon xx

belgianwaffle on 01 June 2005 at 19:09

Um, pog, thanks for sympathy. Like you I am confused on the dominant twin issue.
Minks, you are definitely going to have twins. Hah. Thanks for sympathy, she seems to be completely better now. Fingers crossed.  

Minkleberry on 01 June 2005 at 19:29

belgian- not this time round ;0)  

belgianwaffle on 04 June 2005 at 13:03

Aha, you’re coming out…

Why?

29 May, 2005
Posted in: Reading etc.

In conclusion, for those of you interested in baby poo, may I encourage you to go and check out� Dooce’s recent post on this matter.

Comments
jackdalton

on 29 May 2005 at 16:44

With the amount of killing-field juices that they pour into such pools, I reckon you’re safe enough on that score Loco.
But longer term resulting blindness… that’s another issue.

Locotes

on 30 May 2005 at 10:32

Indeed. Couple that with the white hair I’d end up with – no way I’m getting in there.

poggle

on 31 May 2005 at 10:52

Oh dear – you’re really not helping KE and menace putting in links like that, waffle.
Heh.

belgianwaffle

on 31 May 2005 at 13:21

Jack, Loc, I am so comforted by these observations…
Pog, no, eh? Har di har.

Talking on the phone

27 May, 2005
Posted in: Princess, Travel, Work

Am most relieved that the Princess consented to talk to me last night. They had a paddling pool in the creche (“nager, NAGER Maman, dans le creche”). Am optimistic that, once given her present, she will welcome my return. Trust that even minus present my loving husband will welcome me with open arms.

By the by, has anyone seen Locotes since Liverpool won the cup?

Comments
Locotes

on 27 May 2005 at 13:14

Locotes is alive and well, though relatively dishevelled and still in a wonderful dreamy haze where nice things really do happen to deserving people.He is waiting for all that to stop very soon, and for the real world to resume kicking him in the gut.

Locotes

on 27 May 2005 at 13:14

Oh, and maybe a present for the hubby wouldn’t go amiss….just to be safe you know.

Bobble

on 27 May 2005 at 14:06

How could she not? x

belgianwaffle

on 29 May 2005 at 13:46

Pog, you are always right. Locotes, glad you haven’t died of happiness. Yeah, I got him a pressie, better safe than sorry. Thanks Bobble.

Two things

26 May, 2005
Posted in: Family, Work

1. Received the following text message from my husband “got a call asking whether you would like to go election monitoring in Burundi, said no”.

2. Despite arriving at the Ryanair bus stop 10 minutes before the bus’s due departure time, my unfortunate mother in law discovered that it had already left and ended up having to get a taxi to Charleroi (she could have phoned her son for a lift, but she has an independent stubborn streak which her son has inherited).  She will clearly never visit us again. 6 days of intensive babysitting followed by a traumatic taxi ride.  Am gutted.  On the plus side, you will be surprised to hear that we have the kind of contacts in Ryanair which mean that any complaints will be thoroughly followed up.

Comments
Bobble

on 26 May 2005 at 12:38

I need a contact at Easyjet – any friends there..?

Beth

(Homepage)

on 26 May 2005 at 16:39

How could you pass on Burundi?

jackdalton

on 27 May 2005 at 01:43

That’s 100odd euro you owe her….. 😉

Friar Tuck

on 27 May 2005 at 04:11

What’s so bad about a taxi? The drivers in Brussels are so charming.

jackdalton

on 27 May 2005 at 11:44

ps if you can get anyone in RyanAir to follow up anything, you deserve some kind of recognition as a national treasure.

belgianwaffle

on 29 May 2005 at 13:48

Visage, Beth, I bet Burundi is lovely this time of year, but in this patriarchal household, my chance to visit was cruelly turned down. Sigh.
Bobble, no chance, I fear. Jack, I know. Guilt. Good point FT.

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